Kennedy Book Chapter Boasts of Sexual Conquests

A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 10 October 2009 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

In a draft chapter that failed to make the final editor’s cut, the late Senator Ted Kennedy boasted that he had slept with more than 1,000 women during his life. The Senator also recounted that he was quite pleased that it only cost him a total of $10 million in hush money.

“In a way, the drowning of Mary Jo helped keep down the costs,” Kennedy wrote. “My ability to skate on that convinced many of my subsequent conquests to be reasonable in their demands lest a similar fate befall them.”

The chapter also expressed some regret over the Kopechne incident. “Sad to say, I can’t count Mary Jo in my list of conquests since she died before I could consummate our union,” he wrote. “So, in a very real way, I, too, was a big loser on that tragic evening.”

[x_plus_one]

So, in a very real way, I, too, was a big loser on that tragic evening.

Further Proof that Liberalism is a mental disorder...

[BCW]

...and yet the news media looked up to this guy...wanted the US to morn his passing...and for some reason the Church allowed him to stay...geez....and we wonder how 0bama got into office!

[bigbob]

Sen. Kennedy explains how to cost-average your phliandering investment....

Wow, great analysis! /sarc

[Dilbert San Diego]

$10,000,000 in hush money. Small potatoes compared to the Kennedy family fortune.

But did Ted overpay? $10,000,000 as his cost of having 1,000 girls = $10,000 per girl. Of course not every girl wanted to blackmail him, but, just saying, some honest “working girls” would have saved him lots of money, if you get my drift.

[DownInFlames]

If true, what a scumbag. I doubt Teddy is playing any golden harp.

[reg45]

Ole Ted! Spreading STDs - one bimbo at a time.

[FlingWingFlyer]

He was the Wilt Chamberlain of polilunatics. LOL!

[papasmurf]

KEYWORD: SATIRE

Ya' hooked 'em again, John! LOL

[ExGeeEye]

Another case of satire being too close to possibility...

[Mojave]

In a draft chapter that failed to make the final editor’s cut, the late Senator Ted Kennedy boasted that he had slept with more than 1,000 women during his life.

How many of them were females?

[chiefqc]

Even in death he must still boost about himself like it’s a badge of honor and not just the squealings of a shameless pig.

[wastedyears]

That’s a big one, John.

[chiefqc]

Even in death he must still boost about himself like it's a badge of honor and not just the squealing of a shameless pig.

[pallis]

Too bad the chapter got axed. It must have been the what Teddy considered a record of his greatest accomplishments, the thing that distinguished him in his mind as a man’s man.

[The Great RJ]

Teddy has had to account for his life and I don’t think the boasts in this chapter would have impressed the ultimate Judge.

[ronnie raygun]

Kerry hid 20 million dollars for Kennedy’s library in a military appropriations bill, fitting for a man of honor and integrity and a life time of public service, don’t you think? A user and abuser, an arrogant elitist who preys on his hired help, a cad who is proud of is extra marital affiars, a murderer who shuold have been tried and sent to jail for Mary Jo, a deviant liar who touted a lengthy legacy of helping the poor, and last but not least and the most important thing of all, he was one of the major players in this time in history who helped in the destruction of America. certainly not a reagan!

[Thebaddog]

Bush was on the list as well for that education bill that Kennedy stuck to him.

[Doctor Don]

The SWIMMER is DEAD! Rest in peace, Mary Jo!

[Le Chien Rouge]

Ted Kennedy used women like a sex doll yet N.O.W. holds the late senator in the highest esteem for his his devotion to the ‘reproduction rights’ of women.

[KarlInOhio]

And now for something completely different:

Inspector Praline: Next we have number four, 'Semi-News/Semi-Satire'.

Semmens: An, yes.

Praline: Am I right in thinking there's a real satire in here?

Semmens: Yes. A little.

Praline: What sort of satire?

Semmens: Funny satire.

Praline: Is it cooked?

Semmens: No.

Praline: What, raw satire?

Superintendent Parrot looks increasingly queasy.

Semmens: We use only the finest baby satire, dew-picked and flown from Massachusetts, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose.

Praline: That's as may be, but it's still satire!

Semmens: What else?

Praline: Well don't you take the news out?

Semmens: If we took the news out it wouldn't be semi-news would it?

Praline: Superintendent Parrot responded to one of those as if was true.

Parrot: Excuse me a moment. (exits hurriedly)

Praline: Well, the Superintendent thought it was an real story. People won't expect there to be a satire in there. They're bound to think it's some sort of mock satire.

Semmens (insulted): Mock satire? We use no artificial humor of any kind!

Praline: Nevertheless, I must warn you that in future you should delete the words 'semi-news/semi-satire', and replace them with the legend, 'crunchy raw not at all news but lots of SATIRE' if you want to avoid prosecution.

Semmens: What about our sales?

Praline: I'm not interested in your sales! I have to protect the general public!

[Quix]

Plugging garbage disposals in hell must be very interesting to him, indeed.