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Jokes That Won't Be Told at Tonight's White House Correspondents Dinner
The Powers That Be ^ | 5-9-09 | Doug Powers

Posted on 05/09/2009 11:28:27 AM PDT by WrightOnTarget

The White House Correspondents Dinner traditionally features a headlining comedian who oftens makes jokes at the expense of the president and/or his staff who are looking on helplessly like sitting ducks. The most cutting of these in recent memory were Stephen Colbert in 2006, and Don Imus ripping apart the Clintons back in 1996.

But since Obama has been president, there's been a distinct lack of any comedian brave enough to directly mock Hope. Sure, they poke fun of some innocent ancillary stuff (Biden's hair, teleprompters, etc.) but The One himself is rarely directly the butt of the joke.

Tonight, lesbian comedian and Obama fan, Wanda Sykes, will headline the Correspondents Dinner. Will it be butt-kissingly lame (making "jokes" about how much everybody loves Barack and how he can walk on water), or will she surprise everybody with some real zingers? That's a rhetorical question, by the way.

Here are some we probably won't hear Sykes perform, but I wish we would:

"Sorry I'm late... Louis Caldera was my cabbie and he thought it would be a good idea to drive me by the Statue of Liberty for a photo-op."

"Incidentally, Caldera was also going to be the person who ordered the Navy SEALS to rescue Captain Phillips from the Somali pirates if that had turned out badly."

"In an effort to ensure that any terror suspects killed under orders of the Obama administration is completely legal, 'killed terrorists' will now be referred to as 'really late term abortions'."

"The White House says that the president had no prior knowledge of that 747 buzzing of Manhattan. Is it really a good idea to entrust our national security to somebody who can't even install The Club on his own jet?"

"Barack Obama hasn't denied any knowledge of a buzz since he smoked a bowl with William Ayers."

"And I don't know about you, but I sleep better at night knowing that a White House aide can scramble F-16's without anybody else knowing about it. This way, if the s*#t comes down while Obama's teleprompter is unplugged, somebody can still order planes to bomb New York to appease an enemy like at the end of Fail-Safe."

"If you're wondering why the president is in a good mood, it's because he's glad to be finished with his annual physical. During his colonoscopy doctors removed two benign polyps and the White House Press Corps."

"This morning I took a walk through the National Cemetery -- or as ACORN calls it, a 'recruiting trip'."

"Things are getting weirder and weirder. Barack Obama is now running an auto company, and yesterday I read that Lee Iacocca was taking over control of the Black Panthers."

"Michelle Obama is also here tonight. The First Lady just taped an episode of Sesame Street but walked off the set after seeing a segment featuring The Count holding photos of Barack's cabinet members and saying, 'Two... two tax cheats. Ah Ah Ah. Three... three tax cheats. Ah Ah Ah...'"

"After it was clear her husband would be president, Michelle said that for the first time in her adult life she was proud of America. If everybody thought this way, there would only be 44 women in the history of the U.S. who were proud of the country. And they called Ivana Trump high maintenance?"

"The Obamas just received a dog as a gift from Senator Ted Kennedy. Barack thinks Bo will be a good travel companion just as soon as they can get him to stop getting the runs and jumping out of the car whenever the motorcade is heading toward a bridge."

"In closing, I'd like to say thank you to the man who is responsible for all this. I'd like to, but George Soros isn't here tonight. They don't let George and Barack in the same room anymore because the last time they did, Joe Biden got tangled up in the puppet strings."

I hope this helps, Wanda, but I doubt you'll do anything remotely similar.


TOPICS: Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: 111th; bho44; bho44whcad; bhowhcad; comedy; whca; whcd

1 posted on 05/09/2009 11:28:27 AM PDT by WrightOnTarget
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To: WrightOnTarget

Does anyone know when C-SPAN will have this on (with timezone)? I still can’t navigate the C-SPAN website.


2 posted on 05/09/2009 11:30:34 AM PDT by 1rudeboy
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To: WrightOnTarget

Maybe they can show this for some good old fashioned humor!

Obama’s Bra 54 Double “D”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khuu-RhOBDU


3 posted on 05/09/2009 11:31:51 AM PDT by sheikdetailfeather (We're Not In Kansas Anymore, Toto!)
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To: WrightOnTarget

>>”If you’re wondering why the president is in a good mood, it’s because he’s glad to be finished with his annual physical. During his colonoscopy doctors removed two benign polyps and the White House Press Corps.”

HI-YOOOOO!!


4 posted on 05/09/2009 11:37:01 AM PDT by freedumb2003 (Communism comes to America: 1/20/2009. Keep your powder dry, folks. Sic semper tyrannis)
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To: WrightOnTarget
During his colonoscopy doctors removed two benign polyps and the White House Press Corps."

That was perfect!

5 posted on 05/09/2009 11:38:40 AM PDT by antiRepublicrat
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To: freedumb2003

LOL! Good one! Here is another thing that would be good to show tonight:

To Bow or Not to Bow

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMGPP63vdQs


6 posted on 05/09/2009 11:43:49 AM PDT by sheikdetailfeather (We're Not In Kansas Anymore, Toto!)
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To: WrightOnTarget

“I’m sorry to inform you that Obama won’t be here tonight. They’re requiring ID at the door.”


7 posted on 05/09/2009 11:46:40 AM PDT by EternalVigilance ("I tremble for my country when I consider that God is just.")
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To: WrightOnTarget
To call Wanda Sykes a comedian is being incredibly generous. She isn't even remotely funny. Her selection as the "entertinament" for the night is a case study in Affirmtive Action.

If she wasn't black, a woman and a lesbian, the only stand-up delivery she'd make is "Do you want fries with that?"

8 posted on 05/09/2009 11:47:39 AM PDT by Big_Monkey (Flubama - bringing disease everywhere he goes.)
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To: WrightOnTarget
"This morning I took a walk through the National Cemetery -- or as ACORN calls it, a 'recruiting trip'."

I don't find that one very funny at all.

9 posted on 05/09/2009 11:50:04 AM PDT by steveo
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To: 1rudeboy

It looks like it is on MSNBC not C-Span on my Dish schedule. Is that right??????


10 posted on 05/09/2009 11:50:28 AM PDT by nana4bush
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To: steveo

>>I don’t find that one very funny at all.

They are talking about getting more voters on the democratic rolls. One of the many crimes of ACORN.


11 posted on 05/09/2009 11:53:23 AM PDT by freedumb2003 (Communism comes to America: 1/20/2009. Keep your powder dry, folks. Sic semper tyrannis)
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To: WrightOnTarget
To be pedantic, Michelle is only the 40th first lady.

Some Presidents' wives died before they were in the White House (Jefferson, Jackson, Van Buren, Arthur), Buchanan never married, and Tyler and Wilson had two wives while President.

12 posted on 05/09/2009 11:54:22 AM PDT by Verginius Rufus
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To: WrightOnTarget

They should have hired Chris Rock for comment.


13 posted on 05/09/2009 11:55:02 AM PDT by South40 (Somewhere in Kenya, a village is missing its Idiot.)
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To: EternalVigilance

Oh my Gosh!! I’m still laughing.

Thanks.


14 posted on 05/09/2009 11:55:40 AM PDT by yellowroses (a Yankee in Texas)
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To: WrightOnTarget

“Please wait while the teleprompter rises.”

“The teleprompter stopped working. Now what do I do? Rahm? Bill? Mr. Soros?”


15 posted on 05/09/2009 11:55:47 AM PDT by Lord Basil
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To: WrightOnTarget

They don’t let George and Barack in the same room anymore because the last time they did, Joe Biden got tangled up in the puppet strings.


LOL. Some good lines here.


16 posted on 05/09/2009 11:58:19 AM PDT by Yardstick
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To: freedumb2003
They are talking about getting more voters on the democratic rolls. One of the many crimes of ACORN.

I don't care the heroes that rest in the National Cemetery should not be the subject of anyone's humor.

17 posted on 05/09/2009 11:59:03 AM PDT by steveo
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To: nana4bush; 1rudeboy
Streaming starts on www.cspan.org at 6:00pm EST. They'll carry the red-carpet arrivals as well as the dinner in it's entirety.

C-Span, the cable channel, will broadcast the dinner starting at 8:00 pm EST.

18 posted on 05/09/2009 11:59:20 AM PDT by Big_Monkey (Flubama - bringing disease everywhere he goes.)
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Comment #19 Removed by Moderator

To: Big_Monkey

Wanda Sykes fits the entire bill for SCOTUS! I have never even HEARD her name before this.....geesh....I AM old.


20 posted on 05/09/2009 12:04:56 PM PDT by Ann Archy (Abortion....the Human Sacrifice to the god of Convenience.)
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To: freedumb2003

I am sending that to my facebook page. That is funny I tell ya.


21 posted on 05/09/2009 12:09:24 PM PDT by EQAndyBuzz (Ohhhhbahhhhhhmaaaaaa.... The MSM bleated as their industry continued to crash.)
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To: freedumb2003

“They are talking about getting more voters on the democratic rolls. One of the many crimes of ACORN.”

I think there might be confusion between the National cemetery and Arlington cemetery?

Because Arlington isn’t remotely funny.


22 posted on 05/09/2009 12:10:52 PM PDT by EQAndyBuzz (Ohhhhbahhhhhhmaaaaaa.... The MSM bleated as their industry continued to crash.)
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To: EQAndyBuzz

>>I think there might be confusion between the National cemetery and Arlington cemetery?

Because Arlington isn’t remotely funny.

“The local Cemetery” would have been a bit more palatable, but he didn’t say “Arlington” so my call is he is on safe ground.


23 posted on 05/09/2009 12:13:27 PM PDT by freedumb2003 (Communism comes to America: 1/20/2009. Keep your powder dry, folks. Sic semper tyrannis)
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To: WrightOnTarget

Careful what you say at the National Press Club. One of the last guys who spoke about Barry’s past was allegedly extradited from Washington, DC to Delaware allegedly by Joe Biden’s son, allegedly held for no reason, allegedly released without explanation, and badda-bing, badda-boom, Joe is allegedly made VP. Now THAT’s FUNNY!


24 posted on 05/09/2009 12:26:00 PM PDT by SERKIT ("Blazing Saddles" explains it all.....)
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To: WrightOnTarget

LOL Bump!


25 posted on 05/09/2009 12:30:36 PM PDT by Right_in_Virginia
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To: WrightOnTarget
Obama knocks on the Pearly Gates and from the other side a big booming voice:

“Lost your key again,my son?”

It takes a serious lack of talent and/or a craven terror of Leftist retribution to not find funny in this presidential king of slapstick.

26 posted on 05/09/2009 12:49:11 PM PDT by Happy Rain ("I cannot tell a lie." = The motto of the first white president..)
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To: WrightOnTarget

Michelle Obama walked into the Oval office and saw her husband standing by the paper shredder with a puzzled look on his face.
“Honey”,said Obama,”Do you know how this thing works?”
“Of course,Barack.”,said Michelle,who then pressed the power button and took the paper her husband was holding and dropped it in the shredder.
“Thanks,honey,”,said Obama,”I just needed to make a few copies...”


27 posted on 05/09/2009 12:49:12 PM PDT by massmike
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To: Big_Monkey

Thanks for the C-Span info. If MSNBC is carrying it, this sounds like it will be an Obama Worship Service.


28 posted on 05/09/2009 12:50:25 PM PDT by nana4bush
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To: nana4bush
"Thanks for the C-Span info. If MSNBC is carrying it, this sounds like it will be an Obama Worship Service.

If you want a taste of tonight's main course, head over to Politico. It has pictures from yesterday's and today's pre-WHCD luncheons and whatnots. It's a virtual Who's Who of moonbats, communists celubutards and and otherwise leftist-disposed has-beens and wash-outs.

I wouldn't recommend watching tonight without at least two good, stiff drinks just going in.

29 posted on 05/09/2009 12:56:09 PM PDT by Big_Monkey (Flubama - bringing disease everywhere he goes.)
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To: WrightOnTarget

I can’t wait to see what color “boob belt” Michelle will be wearing!!!


30 posted on 05/09/2009 1:01:21 PM PDT by Deb (Beat him, strip him and bring him to my tent!)
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To: WrightOnTarget

I wonder if we will hear the one about Obama and Holder on the 14th Street bridge taking a leak when Holder says “damn this water is cold” and Obama says “.......” you know the rest.


31 posted on 05/09/2009 1:30:56 PM PDT by DogBarkTree (Support The American Tea Party)
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To: DogBarkTree

Wanda plays Wanda on “Curb Your Enthusiasm” which is Larry David’s HBO baby. She plays Larry’s wife Cheryl’s best friend. About 90% of her lines are crude, swear words mostly directed at Larry for being an apparent racist. Curb is funny, mostly because it shows the cooky left in L.A. and how scared they are of Republicans. That’s not the part that’s supposed to be funny...but that’s what makes me laugh the most. The show doesn’t even realize how funny it is to conservatives and Republicans. Their politically correct story lines are really funny. Wanda however only can swear and put down white people so it will be interesting to see how she does tonight. She basically has no class.


32 posted on 05/09/2009 2:10:01 PM PDT by crymeariver (Good news...in a way)
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To: EternalVigilance

“I wanted to be here with the president tonight, but I couldn’t pass the security screening, as I didn’t have my birth certificate with me.”

“I also hear that about 15-20 million Mexican illegals will be vying for the one job in America that doesn’t require you to show your birth certificate. Barack, you’re going to have a lot of competition in 2012.”


33 posted on 05/09/2009 4:00:38 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (I'd like to tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.)
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