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Poodle Mauls Former French President
A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 24 Jan 2009 | John Semmens

Posted on 01/24/2009 10:17:44 PM PST by John Semmens

The continued decline of French civilization was evidenced when former President Jacques Chirac had to be rushed to a hospital after being mauled by his own dog.

The Maltese poodle, named Sumo, has a history of frenzied fits and “vicious, unprovoked attacks” despite receiving what Chirac called “the finest cheese and wine available in our country. He eats better than most of the peasants in France. Yet, he still chews my shoes and urinates on the furniture. It’s like he’s saying he doesn’t respect my authority.”

At the time of the mauling, Chirac was lying on the floor in the usual “submissive position” assumed by dogs yielding in a fight. “I can only surmise that I was insufficiently demonstrative or, perhaps, not as expeditious in this maneuver as Sumo required,” Chirac lamented. “I will need to do better next time.”

In related news, the current French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, declared Arabic to be the language of the future. “We must invest in the Arabic language because in a generation or so it will be the dominant language of the nation we now know as France,” he said. Bizarrely calling Arabic the “language of science and of modernity,” Sarkozy suggested that “If we all learn Arabic now, we will fare better under the coming Muslim majority.”

(Excerpt) Read more at azconservative.org ...


TOPICS: Humor; Pets/Animals; Politics; Religion
KEYWORDS: arabic; france; satire; surrender

1 posted on 01/24/2009 10:17:45 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens
Smartest dog on the planet.
2 posted on 01/24/2009 10:20:13 PM PST by HawaiianGecko (Online internet polls are foolish: Winston Churchill, 1939)
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To: HawaiianGecko

And one of the most annoying. JMHO


3 posted on 01/24/2009 10:21:48 PM PST by eyedigress
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To: John Semmens
At the time of the mauling, Chirac was lying on the floor in the usual “submissive position” assumed by dogs yielding in a fight.

...or Frenchmen on a battlefield.

4 posted on 01/24/2009 10:22:13 PM PST by Mr. Mojo
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To: John Semmens

Good Stuff!


5 posted on 01/24/2009 10:27:51 PM PST by Tainan (Where's my FOF Indicator?)
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To: John Semmens

Chuckle! Good one John. A little heavy on the truth ;)


6 posted on 01/24/2009 10:33:32 PM PST by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, Call 'em what you will, they ALL have Fairies livin' in their Trees.)
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To: Mr. Mojo

LOL - how true!


7 posted on 01/24/2009 10:38:57 PM PST by Montanabound
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To: John Semmens
*snicker*....how appropriate.
8 posted on 01/24/2009 10:40:35 PM PST by skinkinthegrass (just b/c you're paranoid, doesn't mean "they" aren't out to get you.. :^)
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To: John Semmens
Poodle Mauls Former French President

The United Nations needs to form a committee to investigate this shocking incident of poodle-on-poodle violence...

9 posted on 01/24/2009 11:10:08 PM PST by snarks_when_bored
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To: John Semmens

This is so easy I am not even going to try.


10 posted on 01/24/2009 11:32:07 PM PST by Cyman
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To: John Semmens

This is the funniest thing I’ve read in forever.


11 posted on 01/24/2009 11:35:02 PM PST by kingpins9
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To: John Semmens

I like this site, the stories contain plausible (but false) news stories which contain references to unbelievable (but true) incidents.


12 posted on 01/24/2009 11:52:15 PM PST by Jeremiah2
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To: John Semmens
“I can only surmise that I was insufficiently demonstrative or, perhaps, not as expeditious in this maneuver as Sumo required,” Chirac lamented.

Sumo? Sounds like a Japanese wrestler. Just how big was this dog? He must have been huge to hurt him bad enough that he needed hospitalization.

I think he should have stood on his feet and surrendered like a French man usually does. LOL

13 posted on 01/25/2009 12:35:22 AM PST by NRA2BFree
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