The Uses and Abuses of PMS

The Virginian ^ | 5/28/2008 | Moneyrunner

[moneyrunner]

Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.Crazy!

[moneyrunner]

Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

This is a classic.

[neither-nor]

ROTFLMAO.

[Kimmers]

Sending this on to all my chick friends....thanks for the laugh

[psjones]

Haven’t I seen a tv commercial for femine products saying “have a happy period”? Anyone seen it? Well, I can think of only one occasion to be happy about having a period, it’s when you are afraid you might be pregnant. Other than that, I agree with the writer of the letter.

[AprilfromTexas]

Thanks for the laugh.
I needed it after the last news week.

[Caramelgal]

I remember one day when I was experiencing excruciating back pain, severe abdominal cramps, a really bad headache and body aches all over and sweats and chills and heavy menstrual bleeding so bad that I could hardly get out of bed, when my husband (now ex-husband) said something like “What’s the big deal – it’s just your period”.

To my great credit and my ability to restrain myself and the fact I hadn’t purchased my first fire arm yet, my ex-husband is, as far as I know, still alive.

This was coming from a man who once stubbed his toe and complained about it for months. Who ever said that women are the weaker sex?

Because I'm the Mom

[AprilfromTexas]

” I can think of only one occasion to be happy about having a period, it’s when you are afraid you might be pregnant.”

LOL, now THAT’S an entertaining maxi pad commercial

[Rembrandt]

I can only surmise that the unhappy user was most upset by the fact that the brand manager was a “Mr.”

If the brand manager had been a “Ms.” I’ll bet there would have been no letter.

[Bobarian]

Never trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn’t die.

[lesser_satan]

ROFLMAO!!!

I will send this to every female at work tomorrow and all my friends’ wives and GF’s.

[Tamar1973]

I don't know about a TV ad but their website confirms it.

Have a Happy Period...with Always

You can download computer wallpapers, and even send your female pal an email card.