Posted on 12/09/2018 12:51:48 PM PST by sodpoodle
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target, her store of choice.
Unfortunately, like most men; I find shopping boring and prefer to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a few commotions in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor which resulted in a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the, ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
Not funny.
Sorry.
Hell, I am that guy. (Not really.)
Alarm clocks idea. Nice.
She should write back that they are mistaken, and the whole thing is ridiculous, because she is a good customer and her husband is innocent.
LOL, I wish my husband was as creative he usually just stands around with a grumpy face and keeps looking at his watch.
I remember reading email this in the 1990’s.
Love your tagline!
In my younger days I worked in a huge building with 1700 others. Walking out of the empty cafeteria I noticed that a roof leak had been cordoned off with black-striped yellow tape. I asked my companion if he had his chalk on him. He did. I laid down and said, “outline me.” That and a couple of catsup packs completed the effect.
The next day the lobby was full of reporters. We all got called into the cafeteria, which had been cleaned up, and we got dressed down.
And it was stupid back then.
Sometimes FReepers should just stick with yelling at clouds.
Most of the offenses are over the top incredible and too labor intensive except when shown on a situation comedy like Married With Children or I Love Lucy.
Numbers 5 (Trying to buy M&M’s on layaway) I could see happening or being attempted by a teenager.
Number 9 (Looking into camera as mirror, then picking nose)
Should be a Capital Offense! or at least get you banned from Twitter.
***We all got called into the cafeteria, which had been cleaned up, and we got dressed down.*****
Brilliant, but baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad;)
Did you ‘fess up?
Well, I thought it was funny. Thanks for the laughs. :-)
we are ALL farmed like crops/livestock...etc. w/o exception...only the faces and situation differ...good article out there on this...have been posting it for years!
GyG@PlanetWRF?
Semper~TRUMP.45!
*************************
Target doesn’t sell does. It’s fake
Very creative.
“Did you ‘fess up?”
Oh, Hell no...
I laughed at #7.
I’m sorry...
Thank you for your thanks;)
A dear senior friend sends me funny stuff - a lot of great videos and jokes (some too risqué for FR’s posting rules) and it amazes me how some posters analyze/criticize the content - based on engineering, language, climate and personal experience.
I might stop posting ‘humor’ threads if there is no longer any laughter profit margin.
God bless
sod
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