Posted on 10/17/2016 4:04:26 AM PDT by Morgana
When I imagined my wedding, I pictured a destination wedding that everyone and their plus-ones couldn't wait to get to — something European and chic, in a gothic church with al fresco photos on cobblestone streets. I also wanted a couple hundred guests. In Paris. Or Ireland. A place from where my fiancé and I could just jet off into the sunset afterwards and disappear on the continent for a few weeks.
For multiple reasons (like, reality), my fiancé and I ended up planning a state-side affair, but the sophistication remained. We're getting married on a Saturday in New York City, at — in my opinion — one of the city's most stunning churches, followed by a reception at one of the world's top restaurants. A jazz quartet will serenade our guests with classics. The food and champagne will be French. Our palette is white on white on white (or ivory). The words I've used with countless vendors from my jeweler to my florist are, "Crisp. Elegant. Modern."
One thing that definitely won't be at my wedding? Kids.
That's not to say I don't like kids. I have seven kids under the age of 15 in my extended family, and my fiancé has around 35 (!) kids on his side. And nearly half of our friends have one or more kids under the age of three. But neither of us loves being around children that much, and we knew as soon as we got engaged that those kids would definitely not be invited to our wedding.
(Excerpt) Read more at wlky.com ...
Magnificent “destination” place right here in NY-NJ-PA corner, very accommodating, FReeper family
http://www.MVmanor.com
I don’t blame you. If people don’t want to leave their children at home or can’t get a babysitter, they should simply decline the invitation. I’ve missed plenty of events because I had to be at home with my children, but oh well. I don’t hold it against others for having events that aren’t suited to children.
Kids are cute at weddings, especially when they’re dancing. My niece did not invite children to her wedding, and it wasn’t because she doesn’t like children, it was because the venue just wasn’t suitable, and between her and her fiance families, they have so many children they would have had to change the venue, the menu, and it would have turned into a kids party instead of a wedding. Some of my family members were outraged at first, but they got over it, found babysitters, and had a good time.
My kids are in the marriage range in years. All of their friends are either in weddings, getting married, or have been married in the past couple of years.
Destination weddings are intentionally small. With both spouses working, AND a decrease in church weddings I see it happening more often.
I haven’t seen a “destination” wedding with more than a few groups from the immediate family or close friends.
Weddings make these brides crazy. Can’t stand Bridezillas. Now we have gay men doing this...
I think what a lot of people on this thread are missing is that having children at your wedding is not a selective thing. You cannot invite some of them, and not others.
We went through this recently. My daughter was married last weekend. The decision to not include children (under 16) was based on cost, and on the fact that several of the guests had horrible kids. You could not invite the kids from the bride’s side (all perfect angels) without inviting the kids from the groom’s side (several spawn of Satan).
Kids should be included when possible as it is part of their training and it should be a real party.
I suspect that for the author/bride she will find out that the high end reception will be a bigger deal than the ceremony.
The family who put on the wedding I attended put on their own wedding years ago and it as a real blow out reception. No way would I turn down their invitation for the next one.
One friend had a daughter that planned her big fat Greek wedding for a year, which I attended and was one of the best parties I ever went to. But her relationship with her fiance had deteriorated and she wanted that big expensive wedding and went through with it, maybe thinking it would work out afterwards. They got divorced after three months. My friend was heartbroken.
Trying to be polite, as there are ladies on the thread. ;-)
Wow.
Did you miss a stereotype?
That said, I have seen an increase in what I feel are self indulgent, excessive celebrations. Mega weddings, fancy birthdays for babies and toddlers, huge celebrations for things that used to be simpler things. A shallower society that judges itself on how large and fancy its celebrations can be... not sure whats going on.
We were an exception to the rule - my wife moved around a lot and bounced between parents and grand-parents (none of whom lived in one place very long), so we had it in my hometown instead. The church was available, the reception was in my parents' back yard (we had a big event tent set up in the side yard, just in case, but it wasn't needed that day.)
If her family had been a bit more stable, we would definitely have followed the rule of thumb, and we really didn't go to plan B until we discussed it with them first and realized plan A wasn't going to be viable.
“... ranting about this stuff thirty years ago...”
Yup. I swear as I get older, I think the “older” rules make so much darn sense. For example, ONLY the bride wears white. The last two weddings I have gone to had some attendees wearing white (and yes.. the bride was a bit miffed). The invitation read “as is”... thus, “and family” meant the kids WERE invited. No “and family” meant the man or woman only. “And guest” meant the person was single and could bring a date. The absolutely most ridiculous “new” thing to me is several wedding gowns. One for the ceremony, one for the reception and one for “going away”. Sheesh.... pick ONE. Everyone else can make up their mind. :)
If she hates children what is she getting married for?
That might work in your neck of the woods. Boy, it would not even come close where I am.
The kids had a mass, and a reception.
The ONLY thing they splurged on was the photographer. (That was because I was a photographer for so long and we are a tight little community.)
The guest list was family, and very close friends. Still had 126 people on the list.
My daughter got her dress at a wedding store outlet. Last years dress, retailed at $2,500—she got it for $500 and had to pay for alterations.
No open bar. Two choices for dinner.
Really, compared to a lot of weddings I’ve seen over the past couple of years it was on the lower side of average—and it still blew mine out of the water (30 years ago tomorrow.)
Free advice to the groom: Flee this ungracious harpy while you can. Unless you have surrendered every vestige of your manhood already, you will have a hell of a life trying to keep this infantile attention freak happy.
Were I a friend or relative receiving this invitation, I would respond with regrets that we will miss the production. (So what church hires out its house of worship , provided by people of faith, to become a venue for narcissists?)
sometimes it is more a question of budge rather that causes this. It is akin to excluding unmarried “plus one”’s
I said “wedding,” not “wedding and reception,” because that was the statistic I had read. The cost of the wedding is the location - many churches charge a very modest fee to their regular congregants - the celebrant, and the license.
I’m not saying this is how it “should” be done, only that it “can” be done, even with many attendees.
I hope your daughter and her husband are very happy.
There are always exceptions.. and yours is a perfect example. I went to a wedding where the bride had it in her “new” hometown. Since she lived there 10 years after college, she was very happy in that church and area. Her family didn’t mind whatsoever. :)
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