Posted on 09/21/2016 2:29:39 PM PDT by UMCRevMom@aol.com
Edited on 09/21/2016 3:01:32 PM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
Pilot: Something loose in cockpit. Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.
Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.
Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Engineers: Evidence removed.
Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level.
Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Engineers: That's what friction locks are for.
Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield. Engineers: Suspect you're right.
Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Pilot: Aircraft handles funny. Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Pilot: Target radar hums. Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Engineers: Cat installed.
Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. Engineers: Took hammer away from midget
Sorry... my smilie face went crazy BIG!!!!
Don’t know if these are real or not, but I do know they’re funny.
Weird smilie face, like Hillary there’s no eye control.
This was on an F-16 at Hill AFB depot IRAN maintenance. Makes you wonder what the writeup would have been if the pin wasn't installed?
Pilot ..my smilie face went crazy BIG!!!!
Engineer .... yes it is ask mod to fix
hi-jack your thread but it reminded me of the car/driver excuses. https://letterpile.com/quotes/Funny-Excuses-Car-Accidents
“Don’t know if these are real or not, but I do know they’re funny.”
==
Yup, got a giggle outta me, too!
First saw it in on the board during flight training in the 1980s.
It refers to a missing engine, which would have been a piston engine, so it probably dates back to the 1950s at least
It still cracks me up every time I see it.
I was going to ask what 'major' airline "never, ever, had an accident" but after reading this, I'll ask "What airline uses IFF (Identification Friend or Foe) and Targeting Radar"?
Bookmark
One that aggressively defends its route structure.
This is the kind of gags and stuff the airplane movies would have done.
Top Drift, but timely:
10 Quotes About Politicians
A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen - Winston Churchill
An honest man in politics shines more there than he would elsewhere - Mark Twain
Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word - Charles De Gaulle
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators - PJ O’Rourke
Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process - John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber - Plato
Statesmen tell you what is true even though it may be unpopular. Politicians will tell you what is popular, even though it may be untrue - Anonymous
A politician thinks of the next election - a statesman of the next generation - James Freeman Clarke
Now I know what a statesman is; he’s a dead politician. We need more statesmen - Bob Edwards
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress .... But I repeat myself - Mark Twain
A typical write-up:
Pilot: VHF radio only works intermittently.
Avionics: Advise you only use radio when it works.
One that aggressively defends its route structure.
:-)
(Back in the day when I used to test-run jet engines, a leaky seal would often cause a bit of oil smoke after shutdown - my official diagnoses on the crab sheet would always read: "Smokin' PT Blues" - drove my manager nuts.)
Classic!
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