Posted on 02/05/2016 4:56:59 AM PST by daniel1212
I saw a woman leaving the YMCA recently with a baby strapped to her chest. She had a second, slightly larger baby in a stroller. And she had a tantrum-throwing three-year-old holding her hand. She was infested with small children. I couldn't help but stare...
The three-year-old was trying to make a scene. I say "trying to make a scene" because he was waging war against his mother, and she was refusing to participate. With a steady gait and an even expression, she ignored him.
It was the most spectacular moment in parenting I have ever seen. This woman, who I imagine lives in a shoe, should teach a seminar.
The three-year-old kept saying "You're so mean to me," over and over again. I tried to think back to all of the things I would have said in this situation when I had toddlers to defend myself against. "I'm mean??" I would have started. "You're the one who..." But this mother said nothing. And without a reaction from his mother, this kid was firing blanks.
He tried a new approach. "I'm freezing. I don't even have any pockets." To which his mother calmly responded, "Oh, that's too bad. You should have brought a jacket with pockets."...
The key to our parking lot heroine's success is that she was decidedly not self-conscious. She was aware that I had stopped in my tracks to watch this scene, riveted. But in the same way that she wasn't going to hand her power over to her three-year-old, she wasn't going to hand it over to me either...
As they got in the car, the child threatened, "When we get home I'm going to my room!" His mother replied, "I think that's a wonderful idea."
Checkmate.
(Excerpt) Read more at theweek.com ...
INVESTED...not infected
Many parents push air with idle threats. Kids have to learn both boundaries and that words have meaning. It makes life much easier with that basic understanding.
“She was infested with small children.”
Children are a blessing, NOT a disease!
I’m tired of media presenting children as a nuisance and a burden just because selfish adults put themselves first.
MortMan, I think Hillary is slightly better at knowing when to shut up than Trump. When faced with reality and substantive questions, she offers tiny meaningless platitudes and gets quiet fast. She knows she is a harpy, and saves her venom for private venting. Trump knows he is a blow-hard, and doesn't care. He has never had to. His mouth has never put his career and source of power in jeopardy, because it couldn't. Nobody could vote him out of place for his words, because he made his own place. Politics is different, and I'm not sure that Trump will catch on to that fact soon enough.
Try that now and you won't try it again. You'll be arrested.
Okay, so you won't do it in public. Fine. But the kid will go to school and tell her teacher and you'll be arrested!
Spot on....
I can't tell you how many times my wife and I were complemented on our children behavior when we took all out in public places...
Most were - teach me how you do that-? Some with tears in their eyes...
Unfortunately, most did not have the will power or patience to take control over their children...it also starts at an early age training them...
Some of the elements of our training :
First time obedience...
The interrupt rule
No temper tantrum allowed
No name calling when angry
Mom and Dad always absolutely in agreement in front of the children so not to allow a opening to pit us against each other
Forgiveness and repentance was required when conflicts happened
Were we perfect, LOL, but we worked on it every day...
My wife and I added one element, in a progressive manner as the kids got older and could understand more.
The kids had the right to ask why - but only AFTER compliance. As little ones, the answer was usually very simple, including “because I said so”. As teens, they got answers that explained some of the factors they couldn’t yet perceive.
Again, they had to comply, but they had the right to understand the reasoning behind the ruling, once they had complied.
It seems to both have worked and be working well, so far.
In the early 90s I knew this woman (my boyfriend’s sister) who was at a supermarket with her 2 boys, when one of them had a tantrum because she wouldn’t let him get something. She warned that if he kept up his behavior, they would leave the store. He kept it up, she took the two of them out of the store.
He then refused to get in the car, having a complete meltdown. She swatted his behind once and managed to get him in the car, as he screamed bloody murder.
Within a few days, she and her husband were visited by Child Protective Services. Apparently, someone saw her “viciously attack” her child, took down her license plate and reported her. That family went through three months of hell with CPS.
Exactly...
We trained our children first time obedience...
If an issue happened, we gave one and only one warning...
They knew we would not ask again...
Boundaries are an important subject
Most parents have no idea how to structure them to be effective...
Picture a funnel with the top being when kids are young, lots of room for them to push your limits, as they get older (teens) they want to expand their horizons in areas maybe not to your liking, friends, time restrictions, places try go... etc...
Most parents close that narrow funnel end to gain control...too late...
The correct way to set boundaries is to invert the funnel with the narrow end when they are young, very little room to move...
As they get older and they start to push out on the funnel, allow them too with controls...
As an example: teenager wants to stay out past ten on the weekends ...
OK...since you have proved yourself to be trustworthy in other areas of your life, we will trust you on this one...be late and you will have lost our trust...
Again, they had to comply, but they had the right to understand the reasoning behind the ruling, once they had complied.We did the exact same thing...
One of the worst things a parent can do to a young teen is leave them anger as to why you are seemingly unreasonable in their mind...
They deserve to understand the who, what and why you made your decision...
They may not like it, but they at least have a reason and know you respect and love them enough to explain......
My mom would never have let it get that far. We got taken out to the car the first time, and knew better than to try throwing a tantrum again.
I’ve always believed that there is a duality about children.
On the one hand they have the quality of child-likeness, which Jesus Himself said was “of the kingdom of heaven.” This must be lovingly tended and nurtured.
On the other hand they have the quality of childishness; a rebellious, selfish quality which is an expression of the child’s fallen nature that he inherited from his parents, a nature that must be combated and conquered by any loving parent, lest left undealt with, it cost the child his chance at any decent earthly life, or even his eternal soul.
By the way, I’m the father of nine - three of whom are decent, independent, upstanding, responsible adults, and six more who will someday also be that, I trust.
Wow! Not just “blessed,” but Biblical-level Blessed!
My mother was “infested” with children (btw, I think that is funny).
Five kids in 6 years and we would follow quietly behind her everywhere we went. How did she do it?
She’d paddle our asses right in front of God and everyone.
“If you embarrass me in public, I’ll em-barr-ass you right back.” The people at Lazarus (now a defunct clothing store) received a real good view of my brother’s butt.
Spare the rod, spoil the child was the foundation of our home.
I’m glad to see someone got it.
What she’s doing might work for her, as for me, negative reinforcement is called for with negative behavior, and our now 28YO son appreciates that.
Wise political insight.
Indeed, but your mom today would risk what 48 tells of.
Yes, and if we were God (or see things as He does) then we would only want one thing to be done to our flesh/sinful nature/old man, which is to crucify it in heart and deed. Which i need to be better doing.
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