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Should I Tell Mom I Think Dad Was Gay? (NYT advice column question)
The New York Times ^ | JAN. 13, 2016 | Name Withheld by NYT

Posted on 01/20/2016 11:38:09 AM PST by presidio9

I think my father, who died 10 years ago, was gay or preferred men, but I have no proof. I base my suspicion mostly on the way he looked at people, some magazine subscriptions and one conversation.

I came out to my parents in the 1970s, while home from college. That same night, my father took me aside and confided that before his marriage he had an affair with a man but got psychological help and was "cured." He hoped I would do the same. He said, "Promise not to tell your mother — it will break her heart." I promised.

Some time later, I asked him to tell me more about that man, but he denied the whole story, and we had a bit of a fight. However, many years later, in a brief autobiography he wrote for his grand­children, he referred to a high-school friendship that he would "rather not talk about."

He grew to be supportive of my sexuality and was gracious to my boyfriends, but his backtracking on his confession made me stop trusting him.

Am I obliged to tell my mother any of this? The thought that I have been complicit in hiding the truth from her makes me uncomfortable. But it's possible that he invented his "confession" in a misguided attempt to help me, abandoning the strategy after it failed. The only thing of which I am certain is that he let me down.

I'm hard-­pressed to think of a way my story could benefit my mother, who is now in her 80s. Even if my father really was keeping a secret, there’s no way to know whether he broke a commitment to her. Plus,

-SNIP-

(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: homosexualagenda; nyslimes
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To: Cobra64
Why can't gays stop posting this crap on Free Republic?

I'm not gay. Sorry to disappoint you.

21 posted on 01/20/2016 11:55:47 AM PST by presidio9 (Islam is as Islam does.)
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To: presidio9

Some psychologists view it as an aberration that appears as part of a larger quest to be sexually normal. The man may know he needs to be manly (which is good) but yet not sense moral support from his environment to be manly (which is bad). The devil steps in with the idea of this kind of thrill, which conveys the illusion of feeling manly for a brief, intense moment, but which is quite selfish (let alone its physically destructive aspect) and misses the point of being manly.

The remedy would be to restore the moral support and break the habit. Applied theology is very good for this, but it can’t be a human centered selfish “Churchianity.” God has to be actually sensed as a live player in the picture.


22 posted on 01/20/2016 12:00:00 PM PST by HiTech RedNeck (Embrace the Lion of Judah and He will roar for you and teach you to roar too. See my page.)
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To: presidio9

One wonders why childish taunts have to be so common here. That might actually be a symptom of the moral support problem that so foments this kind of problem in this world today. There is a kind of evil spiritual flooding going on.


23 posted on 01/20/2016 12:05:58 PM PST by HiTech RedNeck (Embrace the Lion of Judah and He will roar for you and teach you to roar too. See my page.)
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To: presidio9; Cobra64

Anyhow, let’s deny our own support to it and at least that is one devil less that we have fed — one devil less to plague our country.


24 posted on 01/20/2016 12:07:06 PM PST by HiTech RedNeck (Embrace the Lion of Judah and He will roar for you and teach you to roar too. See my page.)
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To: presidio9

Castration cures homosexuality.


25 posted on 01/20/2016 12:17:07 PM PST by Cowboy Bob (With Trump & Cruz, America can't lose!)
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To: presidio9

On a scale of 1 to 10 this worthless article rates a -4 ... don’t you queers get it .... no one cares about your sodomy!


26 posted on 01/20/2016 12:20:56 PM PST by RetiredTexasVet (Racism will disappear when AfroAmericans, HispanicAmericans, AsianAmericans, etc. become Americans)
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To: HiTech RedNeck
One wonders why childish taunts have to be so common here.

Seems like I have to make this point more and more often lately, but:

I disagree or disapprove of roughly 90% of the articles that I post to FR. If you're looking for a conservative website featuring only articles you agree with, there are dozens of them to choose from (well, not you -but you get the point, I'm sure).

For almost 20 years now, the purpose of FR was to provide a forum where likeminded conservatives can address and comment on issues. It's the only reason I come here. It often leads to new conclusions on difficult questions.

I will say this: To some extent, I blame the Donald Trump candidacy. Not Donald himself -I don't have any major problems with him. But his candidacy has raised a lot of infighting that I haven't seen before. He's not a traditional conservative, so suddenly we find people fighting about things they never fought about before. Attacking conservatives for not being a member of their particular tribe, instead of being soft on issues that matter. It spills over, and this is the result.

27 posted on 01/20/2016 12:26:20 PM PST by presidio9 (Islam is as Islam does.)
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To: presidio9

“I came out to my parents in the 1970s, while home from college. That same night, my father ...”

His Dad was b.s.ing him.

My guess is daddy made the story up to make his son feel better by approaching the problem from a sympathetic perspective. Probably hoping his son had made a one time mistake and would “get over it”.


28 posted on 01/20/2016 12:27:50 PM PST by fruser1
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To: presidio9

“The only thing of which I am certain is that he let me down.”

He let YOU down? What a selfish POS you are!


29 posted on 01/20/2016 12:28:35 PM PST by beelzepug (2 Timothy 2:23 Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments...")
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To: presidio9

What a QUEER story.


30 posted on 01/20/2016 12:29:18 PM PST by LeonardFMason (LanceyHoward would AGREE)
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To: presidio9

I have no queer friends or associates. Same for liberals.


31 posted on 01/20/2016 12:29:23 PM PST by Resolute Conservative
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To: presidio9

And some topics do tend to have a higher radioactivity factor. This one would. Nobody is really comfortable with this issue; it’s still talked about like they would talk about the plague in medieval Europe.


32 posted on 01/20/2016 12:29:26 PM PST by HiTech RedNeck (Embrace the Lion of Judah and He will roar for you and teach you to roar too. See my page.)
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To: Resolute Conservative

None that have let on to your face, that is


33 posted on 01/20/2016 12:29:50 PM PST by HiTech RedNeck (Embrace the Lion of Judah and He will roar for you and teach you to roar too. See my page.)
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To: presidio9

He just wants to add more drama to her life.
Gays are big on that revenge thing.


34 posted on 01/20/2016 12:32:06 PM PST by AppyPappy (If you really want to irritate someone, point out something obvious they are trying hard to ignore.)
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To: fruser1

Truth can be odder than fiction, though. Like I just said about the plague in Europe. Because nobody seems to have any confidence in controlling it, superstition abounds. If they had known about penicillin, it would have been viewed like we view fighting fires. None of this cloud of B.S. Same here.


35 posted on 01/20/2016 12:32:19 PM PST by HiTech RedNeck (Embrace the Lion of Judah and He will roar for you and teach you to roar too. See my page.)
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To: HiTech RedNeck
None that have let on to your face, that is

Beat me to it.

36 posted on 01/20/2016 12:34:26 PM PST by presidio9 (Islam is as Islam does.)
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To: HiTech RedNeck

I only know about 5 people :) I am very guarded with the word “friend”. I am not like Sean Vanity who calls every one “his good friend”. Guys like Carville.

I know two that work in the office other than that, I know none and do not want to.


37 posted on 01/20/2016 12:35:41 PM PST by Resolute Conservative
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To: presidio9

Some of the smuggest people are some of the most unaware people too. They choose not to notice. Worldviews based on pride are that way.


38 posted on 01/20/2016 12:36:22 PM PST by HiTech RedNeck (Embrace the Lion of Judah and He will roar for you and teach you to roar too. See my page.)
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To: presidio9

Bo proof means no accusations, especially not of the dead. There’s no point to it. Really even with proof there’s no point. Let Dear Ol Mom keep her memories as is.


39 posted on 01/20/2016 12:37:34 PM PST by discostu (Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right B, A, Start)
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To: Resolute Conservative

Well so even then it wasn’t quite true.

Why lie when truth would do just fine. Nobody chucks someone out of here because OMG HE HAS A LIBERAL OR HOMOSEXUAL FRIEND...


40 posted on 01/20/2016 12:37:38 PM PST by HiTech RedNeck (Embrace the Lion of Judah and He will roar for you and teach you to roar too. See my page.)
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