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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

My feet are freezing.


3,541 posted on 02/12/2016 9:39:08 AM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: Monkey Face

I told you to upgrade before putting things into it.

Hi everyone. Anyone know someone who needs a cat herder? I need a less stressful job.

Or nuclear watchdog? Anything easy like that?


3,542 posted on 02/12/2016 9:53:37 AM PST by ArGee (You don't pick a President on the basis of whether they sit to pee.)
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To: Tax-chick

I hate when my feet get cold. The only thing worse is cold hands.

Or cold lower back. THAT one really knocks me out...at that point, I have to go to bed and turn the mattress pad up. Otherwise, I won’t be warm at all, for hours.


3,543 posted on 02/12/2016 10:43:37 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: ArGee

Yes. Yes you did. My bad for not listening. :o[


3,544 posted on 02/12/2016 10:46:08 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; moose07; Darksheare; NoCmpromiz; Covenantor

It’s 65 on my shaded patio, and there is a wind out of the northeast.

No clouds in the sky and that’s nice! I sat with the Committee for about 45 minutes to an hour, and my favorite person to be ugly to showed up. I had warned the folks ahead of time that if she started to talk about Zeke (A resident who dumped her seven or eight months ago) I was going to tell her she wasn’t welcome.

I didn’t have to wait. She asked if she could join us, and I told her only if she never said a word about Zeke, because we had all heard the story so many times we had it memorized. She promised.

So she was there for about 30 minutes and I just got tired of listening to her, so I left. And that was the high point of my day.

Oh. And Walgreen’s called me again. WTH?


3,545 posted on 02/12/2016 11:36:38 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Covenantor; Monkey Face

Yep..

I thinks you can blame that one on the bunch out there in Redmond. I noted on the ‘sacrificial lamb’ that has WinTen on it that the update flumoxed some settings and returned them to ‘factory original’. I went looking after I started FireFox and got told ‘FireFox is not your default browser..’

The difference here being that I haven’t moved anything of importance onto that box while I am playing with it whereas for you it’s your main machine.


3,546 posted on 02/12/2016 12:39:24 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Monkey Face; ArGee

The ghost in the machine demands its burnt offering, your favorites.


3,547 posted on 02/12/2016 12:46:00 PM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: NoCmpromiz

If I had page by page directions, I think I would want to install Firefox. There was a time when I could figure out things for myself on a computer, but not any more.

I’m just so stinking tired of MS and it’s arbitrary mandatory replacing one OS for another.

I want something that is reliable and relatively easy to navigate.


3,548 posted on 02/12/2016 12:47:15 PM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Covenantor

So much for the sacrificial bytes...

I WILL overcome this! :o]


3,549 posted on 02/12/2016 12:48:47 PM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Monkey Face

3,550 posted on 02/12/2016 1:06:59 PM PST by ThomasThomas (Veritaphobia The true sign of a liberal.)
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To: ThomasThomas

I know THAT’S true! LOL!

Thanks, Thomas!


3,551 posted on 02/12/2016 1:15:07 PM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Monkey Face

Afternoon. Some of us had naps. Nobody new has thrown up, and nobody who threw up previously has done it again, although Kathleen has threatened. She finally ate something.

The snow shower went away, but apparently the Outer Banks is getting enough that they’re excited.


3,552 posted on 02/12/2016 1:48:33 PM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: Monkey Face
WinTen has that new Edge browser. I haven''t played with it other than to launch it for a lookiesee.. Also it seems that if you get to WinTen via the upgrade it brings along tired old Internut Exploder from the old Windows version. Assuming you load your favorites into IE, you could always then start up the Edge thing and import them into it and see if you can figure it out, or at least live with it. Somewhere along the line MS will give IE the final guillotine..

And another thing I note. They say that WinTen doesn't have Windows Media Player, but I see it on the machine here. Possibly due to the upgrade from Win7. But I downloaded and installed VLC media player anyway.

As to Firefox there are some online tutorials, like this one: Free Firefox Tutorial

Or this one from Bleeping Computer.. Switching from Internet Explorer to Firefox (A word of caution on this one - it is dated and while good for general overview, the screen shots are not at all like the latest version. Good for general reading though.)

And then there's the Firefox Support web page with a bunch of relevant topics: How to install Firefox and keep it up to date

3,553 posted on 02/12/2016 2:03:44 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Tax-chick

I’m glad for the good news! And Kathleen must be really miserable to threaten to throw up. Poor fluff!

I’m having a hamburger patty with shredded cheese, but only because I have no sliced cheese to use. I would like to have gotten some Pink Drink this morning, but it just wasn’t in the budget!

At least the burger patty has some horseradish sauce to dip into. :o]

I want to go to bed but it is warming up, and the Nook has not charged completely.

Man! I am so SPOILED!! Things have to be “just right” before I can retire! “It is to laugh!” (As my mother would say...)


3,554 posted on 02/12/2016 2:19:56 PM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Monkey Face

I think Kathleen was having hunger pangs and confused it with nausea. DP has taken the teenaged girls, who are well so far, to church for a fish dinner. I’m feeding tortillas with melted cheese to the byos. After that, they’ll just have to be hungry until they get through the night safely, she says with probably unwarranted confidence.

We’ll get the mop buckets back out for their room!

The cats are so unhappy about the cold that they haven’t shown up for their dinner.


3,555 posted on 02/12/2016 2:24:50 PM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I don’t see the physical difference between IE and EE. I’m sure that the Favorites File was a victim of the IE and EE transfer.

I saved all the links because I think I will be able to overcome this silly transfer stuff very soon, and when I do, I will also be able to understand the information at the links.

Thanks, NoC! You have no idea how much this means to me. Jog me, every once in a while, as to the progress of my education. :o]


3,556 posted on 02/12/2016 2:28:50 PM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Tax-chick

I don’t think you told us what you are giving up for Lent. Is it Pink Drink?

I’m doing something easy...Busdaddy! ;o]

If I were your cats, I would also be unhappy about the cold. I am ALWAYS unhappy about the cold! And that stems from the car accident in 1961. The shock was so deep, I thought I would never be warm again.

Which is why I moved here...


3,557 posted on 02/12/2016 2:36:51 PM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Monkey Face

And I am gone for the night!

Take care, all of you!


3,558 posted on 02/12/2016 2:54:20 PM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Monkey Face

You have a good night.

Wine and National Review.


3,559 posted on 02/12/2016 3:17:20 PM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: Monkey Face

I avoided Internet Explorer for like ever. Used Netscape and then Firefox, so I have no commentary on using it. Other than the for the pages written in MS Frontage which wouldn’t display in anything but IE. And I thought it sucked.. If Edge seems the same to you, you might be more comfortable using it. I have no idea if the learning curve would be difficult.

By all reports it is way more secure than Internet Explorer so it might be better choice for you if there are enough similarities to keep your confuzer unconfuzed.. ;-)

Since MS will be killing off IE, it would be best if you picked your alternate and ‘suffered’ with whatever relesrning is necessary now while there is time rather than waiting till MS pulls the plug on IE and forces you into a crash course.


3,560 posted on 02/12/2016 4:56:57 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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