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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 08/14/2015 6:35:40 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

This week, in the news....

Oddly shaped weather map sends WGN Morning News into fits of laughter

FROM REPORTS ACROSS TOWN....

Hillary Clinton has a $350 billion plan that she says will make college more affordable. Which has to be better than my parents' plan to make college affordable: “Be good at sports.” ~ Fallon

***

Liberal Democrat Bernie Sanders had a rally in Los Angeles last night attended by over 27,000 supporters. The rally set the world record for most Priuses in one parking lot. ~ Conan

***

A clothing company is making T-shirts inspired by Bernie Sanders with messages like “Feel the Bern.” They were gonna make them for Lincoln Chafee too, but no one wants to wear a shirt that says “Feel the Chafee.” ~ Fallon

***

Donald Trump insisted he's always had a great relationship with women. He said, "I believe a woman can be anything she wants to be, whether that's Miss USA or Miss Universe. Either one." ~ Conan

***

What’s really interesting is a million-dollar donation, from an anonymous donor to Hillary's campaign, came just two weeks after Hillary spoke out against, quote, “the endless flow of secret, unaccountable money” into campaigns. Then she said, "Starting now! Unaccountable money is awful. Cash it quick!" ~ Fallon

***

According to an online poll, Donald Trump is still the front-runner in the Republican primary race. It's very impressive because it's the only race left that he hasn't offended yet. ~ Fallon

***

A new poll shows that Hillary Clinton is only six points ahead of Bernie Sanders. Today a very confident Hillary said, "Oh, please. Like I'm going to lose the Democratic nomination to a left-wing senator nobody's ever heard of?" ~ Conan

***

Donald Trump refuses to give details about his policy plans. Trump apologized by saying, "When I announced I was running for president, I had no idea people would take me seriously.” ~ Conan

***

Things might be slowing down a bit for Donald Trump. He recently dropped nine points in some of the latest polls. When he heard that, Trump said, “Oh no. Was it everything I said?” ~ Fallon

***

Bernie Sanders drew over 20,000 people to his campaign event in Portland this weekend. Sounds impressive, but remember, it’s Portland. You can draw a crowd of 20,000 people with a Frisbee. ~ Meyers


In other news...

Officials investigating Hillary's email scandal found that two of the four classified emails on her private account had information labeled “Top Secret.” That was pretty stupid. Everyone knows if you want to hide stuff on your computer, you put it in a folder labeled "Tax Stuff 2008.” ~ Fallon

***

As USA gets closer to the 2016 election year, US citizens must remember that they cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs.

The last time Hilary had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky...

And Monica blew it.

***


 

 

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House.

The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"

Washington says, "Never tell a lie."

Ouch! Says Hillary, I don't know about that.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...

Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"

Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."

Ohhh! I really don't want to do that.

On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears...

Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"

Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."

*Wait.........what?

 

 


Hillary Clinton says she's the most qualified to become President because she was married to a president for eight years. Now let me ask you, if a brain surgeon quit his job, would everyone in the operating room say, "Wait, let's get his wife."


In other parts of the country...

My first thought when I woke up today was, 'Thank God I'm not in Ferguson.'

Not because of the riots over there; I'm just racist.


And we turn now to Education...

 

 

Do I agree that education is getting too expensive?

To a degree, yes.

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me: Here's a joke for you. Cheap Education

Person younger than me: I don't get it

Me: And you never will.

 

 


Now, it's time for a break...

Have some drinks


Now we turn to Entertainment....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


And with the state of the world the way it is today...

 

Back on January 9th, a group of Pekin, Illinois, bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge .

So they stopped. Luther, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?" She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole Luther here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, Luther gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; ofst; silliness
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Now watch me whip (Kill it!)


Now watch me nae nae (Okay!)


Now watch me whip whip


Watch me nae nae (Want me do it?)


Ooh watch me, watch me


Ooh watch me, watch me


Do the stanky leg (stank stank)


1 posted on 08/14/2015 6:35:40 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

Things I Trust More Than Hillary.com


2 posted on 08/14/2015 6:36:52 AM PDT by the_boy_who_got_lost (Need a laugh? ThingsITrustMoreThanHillary.com)
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To: Lucky9teen

3 posted on 08/14/2015 6:37:24 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: the_boy_who_got_lost

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF!!!!


4 posted on 08/14/2015 6:37:45 AM PDT by Currentriverrat
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 6amgelsmama; 88keys; ...

ONLY I

CAN BRING ON THE BEST



CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST




5 posted on 08/14/2015 6:39:30 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Justice will not be served until those who r unaffected r as outraged as those who r. B Franklin)
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To: Lucky9teen

In Before the ping


6 posted on 08/14/2015 6:39:38 AM PDT by scott0347 (Commander of the 0347th Lancer Brigade, Operator of the Immaculate Steamroller)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top ten! Woohoo!


7 posted on 08/14/2015 6:40:43 AM PDT by Redcitizen
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To: Lucky9teen

Things sure have changed. Five years ago Obama thought he played golf like Tiger woods. Today Tiger Woods is playing golf like Obama.


8 posted on 08/14/2015 6:41:16 AM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)
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To: JRios1968

9 posted on 08/14/2015 6:41:21 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Justice will not be served until those who r unaffected r as outraged as those who r. B Franklin)
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To: Lucky9teen

IN!!


10 posted on 08/14/2015 6:42:06 AM PDT by TADSLOS (A Ted Cruz Happy Warrior! GO TED!)
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To: Lucky9teen

Woohoo!! I need this weekend!!


11 posted on 08/14/2015 6:42:14 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux - The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top Baker’s Dozen


12 posted on 08/14/2015 6:43:00 AM PDT by P.O.E. (Pray for America)
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To: Lucky9teen

13 posted on 08/14/2015 6:43:30 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< | :)~)
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To: Lucky9teen

Woo-Hoo!


14 posted on 08/14/2015 6:43:42 AM PDT by PROCON (FReeping on CRUZ Control)
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To: Lucky9teen

15 posted on 08/14/2015 6:44:32 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< | :)~)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 25!


16 posted on 08/14/2015 6:45:56 AM PDT by reed13k (w)
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To: martin_fierro

17 posted on 08/14/2015 6:47:07 AM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

18 posted on 08/14/2015 6:48:54 AM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

19 posted on 08/14/2015 6:50:50 AM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)
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To: JRios1968

20 posted on 08/14/2015 6:52:46 AM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)
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