Posted on 04/23/2015 7:40:51 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
Teaching children responsibility is a primary task for parents. The question of whether or not an allowance should be paid for completing chores requires parents to consider training in two areas simultaneously: responsibility for work and responsibility for money. I don't think that there's necessarily one right answer to the question of whether completion of chores should be tied to monetary reward or not, but I can tell you how we handled the issue and why.
We decided not to tie allowance to chores. We set clear expectations for what the kids were responsible for (unloading the dishwasher, doing their laundry, etc) and then we held them to the list. If a chore was not completed in a timely or thorough manner, we gave another deadline along with an additional chore. The longer noncompliance occurred, the more unsavory the additional chores became. It was a pretty effective strategy that almost never went beyond about two rounds. Let's just say no one wanted to clean the baseboards. Ever. (I just asked my youngest what his least favorite chore was, and he fired off "baseboards" before I even finished the question.)
Allowance was something we just gave. It was given in an amount appropriate to their age, increasing as they got older, and going away once they were old enough to earn money by working outside our home (babysitting, lawn-mowing). Allowance, and any other savings, was used at their discretion to purchase wants. We committed to cover their needs. If a child needed a new pair of shoes, I would spend enough to cover the need – store brand sneaks. The child could contribute the difference in price if they wanted a nicer pair. We saw allowance as an opportunity for them to learn self-control and the difference between needs and wants. But we didn't treat it as compensation.
We did offer to pay for certain jobs that wouldn't be categorized as everyday chores. If a child needed extra money, if the job was something we would hire someone to do, or something we didn't have time to do ourselves, we would offer the chance to earn. Each time we had houseguests, my oldest daughter cleaned the guest room to earn money for a trip she was taking. I was so sad when she met her goal because the job fell back to me again, and I have a bad attitude. I keep leaving travel brochures on her pillow.
Why We Work
At an event this week I had the privilege of meeting Pastor Tom Nelson, a man who has devoted quite a bit of time to examining the relationship between faith and work. He articulated a principle that I hadn't been able to put words around, a framework for how the believer should think about the work he or she does. He said that work ought not to be primarily about compensation but about contribution. As those whose work is ultimately done for the glory of God, we ask, "How much can I contribute?" before we concern ourselves with "How much will I receive?" Think how differently the world would function if everyone regarded work through this lens.
This is why in our home we didn't tie allowance (compensation) to chores (work). Instead, we explained to the kids that their contributions to the upkeep of domestic order were absolutely essential. We were not merely trying to train them to obey or to be responsible, we actually needed them to share the burden of work for our family to flourish. It was not an overstatement. The Bible study I lead requires me to be gone twenty-six weeknights of the year. I also travel occasionally for speaking. Jeff and I explained to the kids that they were acting as ministry partners by keeping the house in order when I couldn't be there. It materially lightens my husband's load and mine when everyone does their part. Rather than resent their responsibilities, the kids came to see them as a source of the best kind of self-esteem: They knew their contributions were both needful and deeply valued.
And we lived happily ever after in a spotless house where no one ever complained about chores or spent money frivolously.
Okay, not exactly. But we did manage to keep the focus on contribution rather than compensation. We're in the thick of writing college essays these days. It's been encouraging to read my almost-adult children put into words their hopes for their future careers: "I want to make a difference teaching science." "I want to help make green energy a viable option." I certainly hope my kids will end up with jobs that pay a fair wage, but more than that, I hope they will end up with jobs that allow them to contribute joyfully, working as unto the Lord. To that end, we have tried to make our home a place of joyful contribution, perhaps not joyful in the moment – when the cloth is on the baseboard and the knees are bent – but joyful in the final analysis, knowing that every good effort matters. And every worker is a treasured child.
-- Jen Wilkin is a wife, mom to four great kids, and an advocate for women to love God with their minds through the faithful study of his Word. She writes, speaks, and teaches women the Bible. She lives in Flower Mound, Texas, and her family calls The Village Church home. Jen is the author of Women of the Word: How to Study the Bible with Both Our Hearts and Our Minds (Crossway, 2014).
Seems quite reasonable to me.
It always amazes me when parents give kids money without connecting it to work — giving a weekly allowance without having the kids earn it. As is the case with a lot of things, you have to develop good habits early. And one of the best habits or expectations to develop in kids is that they won’t get money for nothing and have to work for what they want.
As a kid I made a lot more money finding and cleaning up returnable bottles than what my parents gave me.
Chores were pretty light anyway.
Um... why would it not be in the first place? I can’t imagine just giving my kids a dime in “allowance” if they did not do chores no matter their age.
Bottles..often lifted off someone’s back porch. Lawn mowing for others, leaf racking, babysitting,,,anything to make money. Allowance? Net of room and board that was pretty much zero. From 13 on they never gave me a cent..and I didn’t need it.
Chores are work that you do because you’re part of the team, and because somebody has to do it for the team to function.
“Allowance” should be either a fair cut of family profits (say, 10% of net above budgeted expenses; want more? reduce costs), and/or payment for doing something the team would have paid an outsider to do (wash my car, install flooring, ...).
I had a major road close to the house, and the drainage ditches along it yielded a steady flow of bottle income even in winter. There was also a lot of house construction in the neighborhood, but the young men who did much of the construction back then tended to throw bricks at bottles for amusement so the yield there was problematic.
We had to do chores to get our allowance. It was a good thing. Taught me the work ethic.
Small distinction on our part - they’re not “getting paid to do chores”.
They do chores because they are part of the family.
They get some spending money because they are part of the family.
If they want to work for extra, so much the better.
When I was a teenager, I was a free-lance artist and sign painter. I hustled jobs at small businesses in the neighborhood and made good money. (Painting windows for Christmas, etc)
When I was a little older, I played guitar on Boston Common and left the case opened.
Made some money that way too.
Now, a half century later, my self-employment is almost the same, although I give music lessons now as well.
Never got an allowance, but I DID have chores.
Well our chores were not “voluntary”. :-)
You could “volunteer” to skip the next meal, I guess...
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