“Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.” Mrs. Don-o

February 16, 2015 | Mrs. Don-o

[Mrs. Don-o]

“Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.” Mark Twain

Hello, Freepalicious friends, this will have been your first and probably your last communication from me until Christ our God grants a better body/brain recovery. But I wanted to write what I can before it all disappears down the Memory Hole.

Collapsed on Jan 19, septic shock from UTI. EMT's say BP fell to something like 40. Dead.

Cardiac arrest. And again. And again. Dead, dead, dead.

No bright tunnel of light, no golden escalator with old Fleetwood Mac mix tapes, no exclusive book and movie rights. I even forgot that I'd promised, if I were ever in dramatic straits, to ask for the intercession of Elizabeth Anscombe, one of God's noblewomen, who just needs a teeny-tiny documentable miracle in order to be beatified. I even blew THAT. I wasn't only nearly dead, I was really most sincerely dead.

Teams of people, however, were darting me with epis and drilling holes in my face, neck and groin to pump in corpse-warmer concoctions faster than my baffled body could tolerate them. They forced the issue, Lord love 'em all. I was on a ventilator for fifteen days.

Prayer groups started double and triple teaming me, which opened up spaces even in the Enemy's territory where grace could operate. Dozens of St Mary's people came tumbling into the Med Center ICU with their hand-knotted rosaries and their Divine Mercy prayers, with sweet trust bordering on obstinacy.

Was it before or after my airway collapsed that a Greek Orthodox priest friend anointed me with sweet oil from a myrrh-bearing icon of St. Anne? Was it before the Two Specialists started staring at the CT and MRI results and muttering “Look at the size of that obstruction. Christ Almighty, what a mess!”--- that my pastor came and gave me the precious Viaticum –- a transfusion from the veins of Jesus Christ Our Lord?

Lord have mercy 12 x. Lord have mercy 40 x. Lord have mercy Women's Plus Size XXL with elastic waistband.

Was it before or after I started hallucinating, that the “Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, Chant-o-Matic” was being dialed up to Max right there in the Med Center atrium? Yes, dearest Baptist friends, Catholics do chant. (And OK, Orthodox buddies, we do mumble.) Anyway, a skeptical world could see how Catholics come fully armed and ready to rumble.

If you're laughing a bit, here's where it stops.

I was given a vision of evil.

I am not writing this because I want you to think, “Oh woo-woo, Mrs Don-o must be holy, she has these Mystical Experiences ^TM” or even (closer to the truth) “Is there nothing this proud, ignorant, hypocritical woman will not say for 15 minutes of fame?” I haven't the strength in my shaking hands to waste on dubious claims of “God told me,” nor breath in my body to argue about these things, nor (this is the important point) do I understand what I saw. God (!) told (!) me (!), “You're not going to understand but zero-point-one percent of this,” and behold, all-y'all, the fact is, I don't understand it.

I saw evil.

I saw the mouth of evil.

I know that, trembling hands or not, I'll have to explain about the “mouth,” –- though I can't. But I'll try.

It was not large. It was about an inch square, no bigger than a typical chessboard square. It was not a lewd, loose-lipped, lolling Miley Cyrus mouth, nor a thin-lipped Atheist Medical Ethicist mouth with moustache attached, like a cheap movie Mephistopheles.

In fact, there was no face attached. It was a mouth. It had one single snaggle tooth, barbed and recurved on itself like the kind of fish hook that, when the fool fish tries to back off, just digs in deeper. On the tip of the snaggle tooth was a single drop of green venom sufficient, I thought, to destroy life on all inhabited planets.

And the mouth was inside-out.

How you can tell a “mouth” is "inside-out" I do not know, except that it seems I read somewhere about some odious marine parasite that chomps down on some part of its intended victim and then turns itself inside-out, so that the victim is enveloped and slowly digested by the writhing, now-exterior intestines. Holiness? Heaven? People speak of near-death experiences glowing with consolation and beatitude; my NDE was more involved with Homicide and Hell.

I saw a RN I despised, a sort of pontillist-Catholic as it happens, one who got passive-aggressive with me when I was experiencing anguish and terror. She had disputed with me for hours, contemptuously, dismissively, over whether I could have a freaking mouth swab.

Not that I could speak much beyond “ungh, ungh.” But I could point to the mouth swabs which were an inch beyond my reach, and point to my mouth where everything was stuck together like Crazy Glue, and make the classic Praying Hands gesture, and she would say, “You had swab 32 minutes ago, thang Q!” and then walk away.

I couldn't make out her accent but she had evidently trained in someplace where they told her that it is the ultimate in American professional courtesy to end every sentence with “Thank you,” regardless of context. Thus:

“Do not bite tongue, thang Q!”

“Do not move finger, thang Q!”

“Stop breathing, thang Q!”

“You are not thirsty. You had swab 44 minutes ago, thang Q!”

He face right next to mine (and she smelled like Citrusy-Fresh Floor Disinfectant) “You are not thirsty. You had swab only 55 minutes ago, thang Q!”

I was left sweltering in my own sweat for hours in an underground claustrophobic corridor between the CT unit and the ICU. Nurse DeeDee attempted no gesture of consolation, offered nothing, disappeared for hours without explanation, would pop back round the corner with,

“I SAID, Do not bite tongue, thang Q!”

Bad nurse. Nurse Ratched. Motto: Service to Subumanity. DeeDee, Destroyer of Worlds.

If I had a choice between Jesus Christ or a filet knife, I would have chosen the knife. I could do more damage with it. If I had a choice between Jesus Christ or pushing this despicable woman through a window, my dying words would have been, “Ah, bloody plate glass.”

Then I saw the Mouth of Evil open up to swallow me and the entire world. And the entire world. And I heard an intense warning:

“Forgive her.”

“I can't, Lord. Can't You see my mind is disintegrating?”

“Forgive her.”

“Are YOU freaking crazy, too? I'm being destroyed by this stupid disease and I'm laying in this stupid lithotomy position at the mercy of this stupid odious DeeDee, my mind is being shattered under the hammer-blows of pain and fear. I can't chose anything, can't calculate anything, can't desire anything ...”

“I didn't say anything about 'Calculate.”

“I can't forgive her.”

“Of course you can't. Your pulmonary, cardiac and renal function are failing. Your brain function is disintegrating. YOU can't forgive her. How right you are. Ask Me to forgive her.”

“How long do I have to decide?”

“You moron! There is no more time! Do it now!”

I was well and truly freaked. “Oh, Dear Lord...?”

“Yes?”

“Dear Lord, forgive DeeDee...”

“And?”

“And wash away her iniquities, or whatever it is You do...”

“And?”

“And don't hold her offenses against her. And help her to become the kind of RN and the kind of good Catholic woman she ought to be.”

---

There's a whole lot more I could say but I'm already past my 0.1% comprehension and well into the realm of Memory Remodeling and Confabulation (Google it.) Thank you all so much for your prayers. The infected kidney stone? It disappeared.

Forgive your DeeDee's.

[HurriKane]

Greetins Mrs. Don-o,
I have been wondering where you have been, I am so sorry to hear of your hospitalization, I will pray for your speedy and complete recovery...
I have been studying apologetics with a small group of friends, and I think of you often, I have learned so much from you over the years, you are a blessing to this forum, and to our church...
Blessings, HK

[Billthedrill]

Hooyah! Can’t believe I missed this. Hope you’re feeling better. The best thing about being thought dead is that it allows you to sneak up on your enemies with that little tomahawk...I mean, in a purely hypothetical sense. Officer.

[Mrs. Don-o]

Thank you. Keep those powerful prayers a-comin-

Practice (and here I’m preaching to myself) -—practice saying yes to Jesus.

[Mrs. Don-o]

Heh.

BTW,keep on praying.If you run our of prayers, sing. At least tap your feet. God understands everything.

[fatima]

((((((Hugs)))))) We’ve been praying for you.:)

[WVNan]

Oh my dear Mrs. Don-o, that is the most perfect piece of writing I have ever read and I happen to be an expert at reading. The Lord has spared you to write just that, and please do not stop with that. I can’t help but wonder how many people who read it will be convicted of their unforgiveness. Thank you.

My DeeDee was named Juanita. She had the manner of a German drill Sargent and I was a rookie waitress. I fancied myself a loving Christian, high on Jesus, loving everybody. But.....Juanita was getting on my last nerve. I would chant to myself under my breath, “God loves you and I’m trying.” One day I broke, “God loves you Juanita and I hate your guts.” That night I dreamed one of those lucid dreams that you always remember. Juanita was a Queen in my dream, ordering the servants around the castle. I heard her say what she had said a dozen time at work. “I chose this job and I’m good at it.” God said, “She really is good at it, now go and learn from her.” I went to her Juanita the next day and asked her to train me how to be as good a waitress as she was.” She did, and I became a very good waitress and Juanita became my best friend.

Praise the Lord that you survived the worst. I truly pray that it was the worst, and that you recover to a healthier and peaceful life. I’m sorry I never noticed before how very funny you are. I will look for more reports (I’ve been away from FR and was not up to date).

[WVNan]

I will keep praying and tapping. The Lord nor anyone living wants to hear me sing.

[PraiseTheLord]

[I have not read all of all the threads, but trust this has not been said before ]

So glad to hear you survived and are now improving. Been adding my prayers also.

I have this little bit of information, from my own experience. I try to add some easy and quick nourishment when I am too tired to eat a meal but really ought to. Since you would have been missing a lot of meals/nourishment, when being not well would have needed even more than normal amount of food. Maybe this could have added to your lack of energy. Have you had a steak lately !

Using what I have found the best, not sure of course,
- these powders I mix in water and drink down:

Big scoop Ultimate Meal - used to get at WholeFoods. Now order it by phone, is also online
theUltimateLife.net - 800-the-meal - discounts for getting 3 or 6 etc cans. suggest ordering by phone, speaking with nice girl, closed Fridays.
They also have capsules with blue-green kind of good stuff.
Pricey but i hope that does mean they are better than the average stuff.

Greens powder - scoop. Gives a yummy taste, maybe of mint. It comes in flavors too.
Delicious Greens 8000 Original Flavor. Also Berry flavor I like. Chocolate not tried.
I dont think they tell this, but ordering 12 cans you get another free. They last a while.
It seems available various places, but for years I have ordered here: 888-777-7905
[not sure about this www.greenw8000.com. ]
Contains fruits and vegs, no sugar,wheat,dairy,preservatives

Hemp powder. Lots of brands, I order from AllStarHealth.com . This is good protein

I also add in a scoop, or 1T brewers yeast - lots of B vitamins. - AllStarHealth - do not refrigerate

scoop of Lecithin , NOW brand -from AllStarHealth.
Unless I already put in my hot cereal.

These are all ORGANIC.

[LonePalm]

Nos prières à Dieu augmentent pour la récupération de Mme Don-o qu'elle pourrait faire la volonté de Dieu pour sa gloire.
(Our Prayers to God increase for the recovery of Mrs. Don-o that she might do God's will to his glory.)

Notre Père qui es aux cieux,
Que ton Nom soit sanctifié, que ton règne vienne,
Que ta volonté soit faite sur la terre comme au ciel.
Donne-nous aujourd'hui notre pain de ce jour.
Pardonne-nous nos offenses, comme nous pardonnons aussi à ceux qui nous ont offensés.
Et ne nous soumets pas à la tentation, mais délivre-nous du mal.
Car c’est à Toi qu’appartiennent le règne, la puissance et la gloire,
pour les siècles des siècles. Amen

Je vous salue, Marie, pleine de grâces,
le Seigneur est avec vous, vous êtes bénie entre toutes les femmes,
et Jésus le fruit de vos entrailles est béni.
Sainte Marie, Mère de Dieu, priez pour nous pauvres pécheurs,
maintenant, et à l'heure de notre mort. Ainsi-soit-il.

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

[Salvation]

Catholic Prayer Ping!

Please respond to Mrs. Don-o;

If you would like to be included on future prayer pings, please Freepmail me.

[Salvation]

Just saw this today. Prayers for your continued recovery.

[Cicero]

24The LORD bless thee, and keep thee:

25The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:

26The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

—Numbers 6

[Mercat]

Wow. Forgive all my DeeDees. That’s hard. Wonderful post.

[Biggirl]

WELCOME BACK, God Bless, And Thank-you! :) =^..^=

[Mrs. Don-o]

Thank you for all these healthful hints. I'm at the stage of "try this, try that, and see what works."

I'm mending, though all my buttons are still loose!

[Mrs. Don-o]

Mille Grazie. Translate as desired!

[aimee5291]

So glad your with us...God Bless

[RitaOK]

Thank you, Salvation, for the ping.

What an engaging read, Mrs. Don-o, of a miserable experience from within an already desperate condition. It is miraculous that you beat it at all, and have been able to enjoy some improvement. God is good. Thanks be to God!

The reminder here is that, we are all sometimes “ Dee Dees’ “, in our own great or small way, and should be mightily grateful to be forgiven by God to the exact extent we are willing to forgive the Dee Dees’ in our own life.

“Thou Shall Not Kill”, but we are taught that we can and do “kill” with murderous, arrogant tongues, (as we all have seen on so many threads from time to time.)

Thank you for the Lesson On Dee Dee, among the other important factors that composed your opus. I shall try to remember to apply the Dee Dee lesson to myself.

Have a blessed recovery. Love, Rita

[NYer]

Dear friend in Christ, was just pinged to your thread and am repinging it to the Catholic list for continued prayers. Thank you for sharing your Dr. Gloria Polo moment at the gates of hell. Rest assured of my daily prayers for you.

We thank you, dear St. Anne, for the favors, known and unknown, you have obtained for us. Assured of your constant love, we bring our special needs to you on behalf of our friend, Mrs. Don-o. Mother of the Mother of the Eternal Word made flesh, kindly recommend to your Grandson, Jesus, these intentions we lift to you in confident prayer. Amen.

[miserare]

(((((((((hugs))))))))))

Many many hugs to you Mrs. Don-o.

I am trying to outdo my rival fatima.