Posted on 12/08/2014 1:43:54 AM PST by kelly4c
I have suffered with a sleep condition called delayed sleep phase disorder for quite awhile now. No matter what I do I cannot get on a normal track. I'm going on FMLA and that will free up some time to get proper treatment for this.
The problem is that my daughter is not supportive. She doesn't like to hear about my "problems." You know, how a close relationship should provide for the acceptance of people's physical limitations? Nope not here. She is a passive-aggressive type person and for no reason tonight when I got to her house all happy to see them she went off on me and then took offense when I stood up to her verbal abuse.
Turns out she was upset that when I said I'd be there "early evening" she took that to mean around 4 but I got there at 6 pm. However instead of calmly voicing that, she brings up crap from 10 years ago AND even made stuff up.
My life has been misery, I don't even have a life anymore because I'm up all night by myself after I get home from work after midnight, and then I finally fall asleep and wake with just enough time to get ready and go to work. So I believe she resents that I don't drop by and keep my grandchild occupied like I used to a few times during the week.
It's like people only care about themselves and want me to be there for them but I'm not allowed to enjoy the benefit of empathy or understanding myself. It's all about how it affects them at times.
Actually, what it sounds like she did is took out her frustration of what might be bothering her about her own personal situation on you. Perhaps at an opportune time you might just ask her how things are going in her own life.
Secondly, if you do have a problem with sleep and can’t seem to get somewhere on time, at least call her after you’ve awakened and tell her you’re running behind. Or, next time be a little more specific about the time (say 4PM or whatever). You might even tell her to give you a call.
Anyway, I hope things get better for you. I know I have odd sleeping patterns - I seem to wake up every night after two hours sleep, stay up for 5 minutes and put on a rerun of some TV show, and then drift back off to sleep. Wide awake at 4AM every morning, clock or no clock.
We're with you. Tell her you love her, but that it doesn't do anyone any good if the tone rises, as it just makes your sleeping patterns more difficult to control.
"grania"
Gaffer has good advice.
Four p.m. is late afternoon, not early evening, but a more specific time would not be subject to interpretation.
You’re in my prayers.
Yeah I guess when I said “early evening” I thought she’d know that’s around 5 or 6pm. As it is I woke up, didn’t even shower or enjoy a bite to eat before I made the 40 minute trek. I thought about what you said regarding her personal situation. Seems there could be something to it...we just spent all of last weekend 4 day holiday with them...everything seemed fine. I didn’t get any calls or texts from her all week...she usually never calls just to say hi and I’m not a phone person (for idle small talk) either but I did text her to ask how they’re all doing and about seeing her on Sunday (my first available day). If there were any personal issues going on with her I wish she’d have took the opportunity to say hey mom let’s go have a coffee or something last night instead of going into attack mode:(
I appreciate the prayers skr :)
prayers up’for you.
empathy is in short supply, especially for those that really need it.
You’re right, yelling and making someone feel even worse than they do never helps. Matter of fact, she knows I have anxiety issues, and she does too, so I don’t understand why she wouldn’t get that. The sleep specialist I saw a few years ago told me that people with this syndrome often just go with it,making minor adjustments that are doable for them, because that makes their lives easier rather than struggling with it and developing depression and anxiety and making things even worse. Problem is, my family will not let it alone. They expect me to get “normal” and act like it’s something I have control over and maybe that I even CHOOSE to sleep all day. Who would choose to sleep while life passes you by? It’s horrible. But I’ve made do because when I dwell on it, or talk about it too much, or try too hard to go to sleep, it makes things 10 times worse! It’s simply self-preservation. I’m beginning to think maybe I should just leave and go live in the wilderness. An apartment around here wouldn’t suffice...too many illegals, cockroaches, high rents, not to mention the noise from the tenants upstairs and below to keep me awake haha.
Sounds like your daughter has issues and you’re letting them affect you. So there’s two problems, your daughter’s issues and yours by letting her issues affect you.
Your priority should be getting yourself healthy first physically and then on how to deal with your daughter and not let her problems affect you.
First you must take care of yourself, before you can help your daughter with the children. Talk to your Pastor to see if his advice may help.
Insomnia is a problem in the USA...we are too stimulated by TV, loud music, or bad relationships. A bad diet can also cause sleep issues. Is there an issue with the job that you need to resolve.
It takes 21 days to develop a new habit. So an over the counter sleep aid may get you back on track. It takes 21 days to develop a new habit...
For sleep problems: eat a small piece of candy-—like a mini candy bar-—right before bedtime.
You’ll sleep like a baby.
Diabetics might want that to be sugar free candy.
If you have an abusive daughter, you don’t need a sleep disorder and miserable life to stay away from being there to care for her daughter several times a week.
(Of course, if you want to be there for your granddaughter like that, getting the disorder controlled should help restore that and other aspects of your life.)
My suggestion use Atarax ... I use it and have for several months... works quite well. Generic - ‘Hydrazine’
Regularity of sleeping habits... and related factors:
- Don’t drink caffeinated drinks in the evening - period. Don’t drink caffeinated drinks all day either. Regulate your coffee.
- Go to bed at about the same time every night - establish a pattern / schedule -— frequent changes of bed time during a week is a problem.
- do some walking in the day time or early evening or other modest exercise... - GET SOME OUTSIDE AIR.
- No alcohol in the day time - period ... except an afternoon every now and then for a special deal - but not regularly. Limit alcohol in the evening... Don’t drink alcohol at all after about 9:30 p.m. ... except for maybe a glass of red wine — glass of - not bottle.
- Make sure room is how you most like it ... cool - not cool - fan - no fan - a/c - no a/c - blankets - sheets - just what you want- like and are most comfortable with...
- Don’t lie there in the bed with the T.V. on - turn it off - turn off the light ... brush the teeth - hit the bathroom - be fully ready for bed.
- Put a small pillow between your legs if you sleep on your side.
- Darken the room — use dark coverings over the curtains/drapes if necessary ... keep only a small nightlight on in the bathroom... turn the lights off everywhere else. Keep the outside lights off - if they shine through your window.
- Humans spent millions of years and especially Homo Sapiens spent most of the last 250,000 sleeping in the DARK ... we are programmed for that.
- One nap in the daytime — no more ... be active -— You can’t sleep all day and expect to sleep at night — just does not work that way.
Other Sleep meds:
Melatonin - natural brain chemical - regulates the circadian rhythms - sleep cycle in the brain ... get older - less melatonin in your brain -— a significant reason for insomnia in older people. google it.
One 3-5 milligram tablet at a realistic bed time ...One half hour before bedtime - Take it and go to bed in 30 minutes. Don’t take it past about 10:30 - 11:00 p.m. Don’t take it in the daytime ... You may have to take it for up to two weeks - you can cease taking it and see what happens. Don’t take a larger dose than recommended - more is not good.
Side Effects of Melatonin ... Induces Dreaming — Sexual Dreams — not a bad side effect.
- Benadryl — Diphendramine ... 25 mg. 30 minutes before a reasonable bedtime. It will cause an anti-histamine ‘hangover’ in some people - not in others... hangover = dry mouth, dry sinus, a bit of grogginess... slowness — goes away after a cup of coffee.
Try to get a full 8 hours sleep by doing the other things I recommend...
Language lessons? Where I come from, 4 is late afternoon, 6 is where evening starts. You would have been spot-on if you were visiting me.
Yeah, I have quite a bit of resentment at my job. At least for a year now. It would take too long (and bore folks)to list it all but suffice it to say it’s a bit of the toxic atmosphere. One woman there has the filthiest mouth at times, boasts proudly of being a b***h. I’m tired of the arrogance and grumbling and making fun of people, the loudmouth she has, making me feel dumb because I’m there in the office, but since I’m not fully integrated (not meant to be actually)I don’t know or do what she thinks I should. Nobody but two people talk to me unless they have to. Even the “big” boss simply grunts when I say hello. I feel very uneasy and unwelcome there but it’s the office they switched me into about a year and 1/2 ago (b4 that I worked in the same department but different/separate office.)I feel they expect me to be loud and assertive like they are but I’m more quiet and soft in speech.
The idea is to not to respond the your daughter's behaviour. When the game starts, just change the rules by not responding. Simply carry on as if your daughter had greeted you with a big smile and a hug. It will drive her CRAZY!
Things will get a bit rough at first but eventually she will start playing by the new rules.
There’s a lot of helpful advice in your post. I’ll definitely try some of those. I don’t drink alcohol and do cut off caffeine in evening, (nicorette can’t seem to cut off though)have to sleep with a fan as I live by the highway (ramp too) and you’d be amazed at the vibrations the trucks generate when going by. Never heard of Atarax. Is it anything like Xanax? I do take a Xanax some nights and it’s great but it only works when I’m already sleepy but still can’t fall off. I’ve never tried any actual sleeping pill because I’ve a phobia about taking anything that is mind-altering like that.
Is that the only real side effect of Melatonin? I think I could live with that one :)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.