Posted on 05/16/2014 5:48:43 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Are lumberjacks OK?
Two old men are sitting on a porch talking. One says to the other “You know, the wife and I went to this great restaurant last week. Lovely atmosphere, incredible food, not at all expensive. Damned if I can remember the name ... uh, what’s that flower ... red petals, thorns ... ?”
“A rose?” says his friend.
“Right, that’s it” says the first guy. He turns to the house and yells: “ROSE, WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT RESTAURANT?”
Oval office ceiling mirrors...Looking good baby!!
I didn’t know she shaved!
Well, as Rush used to say, you can be an “honorary” member of the club by calling yourself a “male lesbian” ... a proud moniker, indeed!
The local university is offering a combined major in psychology and meteorology.
Graduates will be able to not only forecast a tropical depression, but treat it, too.
"Uhhh, how did all these d*mn pigeons get into the Oval Office?!"
Purrfect.
Do you know why the the bus stopped in the forest?
To let the lumberjack off.
THAT has MY vote! LOL!
Hello sweetcheeks,
My bit of silliness for today:
I shave my head bald in solidarity with HottieGirl who is going through chemotherapy.
Oh, that’s not the silly part.
The silly part is my neighbor... a black guy (good hard-working family man)... we kid each other about racial jokes all the time. We kid each other about our stereotypes.
Well, he said I look like one of them Skinheads with my head shaved. He said I finally broke down and went ‘full skinhead”.
I said “you are looking at me and based on my appearance you are calling me a racist”
He said “hell I know you are a racist, now you look like one”
I said, “have you ever heard the term ‘Irony’?”
There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.
A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.
The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee dropped dead, chopped in half. The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive! “The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces. The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!" Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around.
The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?" The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."
Hillary: Come down here immediately. And leave your broom in the hallway.
To #28: I thought tree-huggers got a “woody”. My bad!
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