One Easter a priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.Posted on 04/18/2014 5:38:39 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
One Easter a priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
'Come with me,' said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Peter to a mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
'Oh my word, thank you,' said the taxi driver.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rough old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.
'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up,' said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'
'Yes, that's true.' St Peter rejoined, 'But during your Easter sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'
The Call to Worship had just been pronounced starting Easter Sunday Morning service in an East Texas church. The choir started its processional, singing "Up from the Grave He Arose" as they marched in perfect step down the center aisle to the front of the church.
The last lady was wearing shoes with very slender heels. Without a thought for her fancy heels, she marched toward the grating that covered that hot air register in the middle of the aisle. Suddenly the heel of one shoe sank into the hole in the register grate. 
In a flash she realized her predicament. Not wishing to hold up the whole processional, without missing a step, she slipped her foot out of her shoe and continued marching down the aisle.
There wasn’t a hitch. The processional moved with clock-like precision. The first man after her spotted the situation and without losing a step, reached down and pulled up her shoe, but the entire grate came with it! Surprised, but still singing, the man kept on going down the aisle, holding in his hand the grate with the shoe attached.
Everything still moved like clockwork. Still in tune and still in step, the next man in line stepped into the open register and disappeared from sight. The service took on a special meaning that Sunday, for just as the choir ended with "Allelujah! Christ arose!" a voice was heard under the church shouting, "I hope all of you are out of the way ’cause I’m coming out now!"
The little girl closest to the aisle shouted, "Come on, Jesus! We’ll stay out of the way."
Three fools died and find themselves at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St Peter asks the first fool, "WHAT IS EASTER?"
The fool replies, "Oh, that’s easy, it’s the holiday in November when everybody gets together, eats turkey, and is thankful...."
"WRONG," replies St Peter, and proceeds to ask the second fool the same question, "WHAT IS EASTER?"
The second fool replies, "No, Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
St Peter looks at the second fool and shakes his head in disgust. He looks at the third fool and asks, "WHAT IS EASTER?"
The third fool smiles and looks St Peter in the eye.
"I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples ate the last supper. He later was betrayed and turned over to the Romans by one of his own disciples. The Romans took Him to be crucified, made Him wear a crown of thorns, hung him on a cross, and stabbed him in the side. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."
St Peter smiled broadly with delight. The third fool continued... "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out, and if He sees his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter."
A Sunday School teacher asked her class to write one sentence each on "What Easter Means to Me." One pupil wrote: "Egg salad sandwiches for the next two weeks!"
One lady wrote in to a question and answer forum. "Dear Sirs, Our preacher said on Easter, that Jesus just swooned on the cross and that the disciples nursed Him back to health. What do you think? Sincerely, Bewildered."
"Dear Bewildered, Beat your preacher with a cat-of-nine-tails with 39 heavy strokes, nail him to a cross; hang him in the sun for 6 hours; run a spear thru his side...put him in an airless tomb for 36 hours and see what happens. Sincerely, Charles."
My friends, He is risen!
I heard about a church organist who overslept one Easter morning. She said, "The service was scheduled for 6:30. At 6:31, the minister called to see if I was coming. Since I live near the church, I was at the organ by 6:45. Then, a year later on Easter morning my phone rang at 5:45. When I answered, I heard the minister announce: 'Christ is risen! And you'd better rise, too!'"
Judy Packard of Lake Leelanau, Michigan, talks about the time her neighbor, visiting the Holy Land, sent a letter describing the beautiful gardens.
Her 6-year-old mused, "I wonder if he saw the rose."
"What rose?" Judy asked.
"You know," said her child, "like the Bible women saw. They went to that garden where Jesus was buried and they saw Christ had a rose!"
Maria came home from Sunday School on Palm Sunday and told her mother that she had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly.
It took her mother a while before she realised that the hymn Maria had been singing was really: "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear."
Knock, Knock.
Who’s There?
Ether.
Ether Who?
Ether Bunny!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s There?
Anna.
Anna Who?
Annather Ether Bunny!
Good Friday is a great holiday!
Christians can celebrate because it acknowledges the washing away of our sins by Christ’s blood, and his arising again two days later to the Glory of our Father.
Atheists can celebrate because a man of the cloth was killed.
Jews can celebrate because a false Messiah was executed for his crimes.
Muslims can celebrate because he was murdered in the most painful and humiliating way possible.
Everybody else can celebrate because the traffic is light.
The entire world can celebrate because...IT’S FRIDAY!!!!
WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA, NANCY PELOSI, HARRY REID, ALL THE ELITES OF CONGRESS, THE MASS MEDIA, AND HOLLYWOOD, THAN WITH ONE CONSERVATIVE AMERICAN!’
This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Whiting, Indiana.
You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty; and after all, it is just a sign.
You may ask, what kind of business would dare post such a sign?
Answer: Owen’s Funeral Home (You gotta love it!!!)
Spring is finally here. I’m so excited I wet my plants.
Photobombed by a seal.
AR AR AR AR AR
Spring has sprung,
the grass has rizz.
I wonder where the birdies is?
You forgot Stella and Wanda.
Stella nother Ether bunny and Wanda where all those Ether bunnies are coming from.
Masculine? She looks fit, but a little skinny, to me...
To:
Eye.
the first word you see.
Golgatha: The Word Symbolizes A Beautiful Reality!
Meditating on Good Friday with St. Francis de Sales
Crucifixion: History, Archaeology (with photos!), and Why Jesus Died This Way
THE SEVEN WORDS FROM THE CROSS [Good Friday Must-Read by Bishop Fulton J. Sheen]
Following the Truth: No Greater Love… [Catholic and Open]
Following the Truth: Don’t Just Feel Sorry For Jesus… [Catholic and Open]
Good Friday homily of Fr Raniero Cantalamessa (at the Vatican)
Good Friday - The Reproaches - Veneration of the Cross
Crucifixion: Ancient descriptions, archaeology (with photos!), and why Jesus died this way
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Good Friday 2012
Preparing for the Good Friday Liturgy [Catholic/Orthodox Caucus]
A Fiery Sermon (Good Friday Sermon at Vatican and NYT interpretation)
Today, On Good Friday, Here's Why I Remain Catholic
The Death of Jesus, An essay by Alphonsus Liguori
Good Friday Stations of the Cross at the Englewood, NJ Abortion Mill, Friday, April 2, 2010
Good Friday
The Sacred Triduum: Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter. The Mystery of Faith
Catholic Word of the Day: GOOD FRIDAY, 05-29-09
Pope warns of 'a desert of godlessness' in Good Friday address
This Friday Makes the Whole World Good
Why we call it 'Good' Friday
Good Friday
What Is Not True About the Good Friday Prayer for Jews (Errors in Understanding)
(Cardinal Murphy-O'Conner) Today Is the Feast Day for Those Who Suffer
Reflection: Why This Friday is So Good
The Seven Last Words of Christ
The Holiday Hallmark Can't Handle
Good Friday Reproaches
Online Exclusive: Good Friday: A good day for faith, family and food
GOOD FRIDAY HOMILY 2002 PREACHED BY FATHER ALTIER.
Prostration and Vestments on Good Friday And More on the Precious Blood
Reflections for Good Friday: The Crucifixion and Death of Our Lord
Last Seven Words of Christ Are Full of "Spirit and Life"
Divine Mercy Novena Begins on Good Friday
The Drawing of Christ on the Cross [Images]"
Good Friday
The Three Crosses: The Bad Thief or the Cross Rejected
The Three Crosses: The Good Thief or the Cross Accepted
GOOD FRIDAY PRAYERS TO END ABORTION
Comment
Riesling.
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