Posted on 06/21/2013 5:43:15 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Q: How does every immigration joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
A: E.T. eventually went home!
Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: How do you describe a well-balanced Immigrant?
A: One with a chip on both shoulders.
Q: Why are most Italian men named Tony?
A: When they got on the boat to America they stamped To NY (Tony) on their foreheads.
Q: Where does Arizona want illegal immigrants to go after passing a landmark immigration bill?
A: Back to their homeland in Los Angeles!
Q: Why are the children the ones being hardest hit by immigration reform in the south?
A: Because parents now have to start raising their own children now!
Q: What do you call two illegal immigrants in front of a trash can?
A: Family portrait!
Q: What do you call two illegal immigrants and their pregnant girlfriends in front of a trash can?
A: Night Club!
Q: Why are officials in Arizona still waiting to implement their landmark immigration reform?
A: Because officials want to make sure their pools were clean and their lawns were mowed before signing!
During a World Economic Summit, Barack Obama, Mexican President Felipe Calderón, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, and French President Nicolas Sarkozy are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train. As you might know all of these political leaders have big egos and this is what ensued.
Barack Obama says "This is a fine bottle of wine Nicolas"
Upon hearing this President Nicolas Sarkozy throws out a case of France's finest wine and says "In France fine wine is bountiful and plenty!"
Not to be outdone by Vladimir Putin who then throws out two cases of Russia's finest Vodka "In Russia premier vodka spirits flow like the Volga River"
President Obama not wanting to seem weak, thinks for a moment, looks at Mexican president Felipe Calderón, and throws him out the window.
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal immigrant in the bushes right by the border fence in Texas, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."
The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence."
The Mexican, of course, agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are Green, Pink and Yellow.......Now use all them in 1 sentence."
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok...... The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
There was a lady who immigrated in Canada and married an Canadian gentleman. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but anyhow managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted. The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. So, she brought her husband to the store... because he spoke English.
Extra credit... when was it ratified... m/d/y
hint... my son was born 203 years later
The Cajun Taxi Driver
Think about this after you read it...not ONE THING politically incorrect in what the Cajun Taxi driver says! He just speaks the truth!
An Arab Muslim enters a taxi cab in Houma, Louisiana...
Once he is seated, he asks the Cajun taxi driver to turn off the radio, because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion. And, in the time of the Prophet there was no music, especially Western music, which is music of the infidels. And, there was CERTAINLY no radio.
So the taxi driver politely switches off the radio, pulls over to the curb, gets out and opens the back door. The Arab asks him, “What are you DOING, man?!”
The Cajun answers, “In da time of da Prophet dere weren’t no taxis. So you get ya ass out and wait fa a camel!”
Gotta LOVE those Cajuns!
LOL! Indeed. Ya gotta love ‘em!
Politically correct? Not! But it IS funny.
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy. One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.
The Pope comes by. He stops to watch the throngs of people
giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.
Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and say’s “My poor fellow, don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the Seat of Catholicism. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you’re sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite.”
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said, “Moshi, look who’s trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!”
I keep telling my wife, "De Old House Witch", dat :)
As long as she is still listening... You’re golden. [smiles]
ROFL! That’s a new one on me. [giggles]
Just got that in an email earlier.
It’s great!
bm....
Hmmm, I would guess 1791 as the year, but I have no clue about the month and day.....
After binging it, it looks like I am off on the year too. However, it would depend on the definition of ratification. The final state to ratify it was Rhode Island on May 29, 1790.
Then I think the people had to approve the Ammendments in the Bill of Rights, which could very well have been in 1791....
I knew the year was 1789, but I was wrong about the month and day. September 17 (my son’s birthday) in 1787 was when it was adopted by the Convention. It did not go into effect until March 4, 1789.
Interesting...
Murderers?
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