Posted on 05/02/2013 10:06:00 AM PDT by Rebelbase
Advice for an old guy:
I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in....
I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?"
The trainer looked me over and said; "I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."
Workout advice.
There are several varieties of mechanical devices that help a woman enhance her sexual responsiveness.
A Mercedes 380SL is one of the best.
I recommend three martinis
and then reconsider...
I will share this joke with the trainers at my gym the next time I go.
You owe me a new keyboard - just snorted milk out of my nose onto it.
Martinis are like women’s breasts - one’s not enough and three is too many.
Or so I’ve been told.
Yup! Like the old saying, “A 2 at 10 is a 10 at 2!”
Now that’s funny.
Whisper into her ears you are very rich and only 85 years old. That will get her attention.
Truth in comedy. I couldn’t even impress her with a nearby ATM.
No doubt. But walking out and climbing into a prius might. Or maybe a saturn. LOL!
Also watch out for the Home Depot parking lot scam...
A warning for men who may be regular Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends. Here’s how the scam works.
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot or Lowe’s. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th and 24th. Also November 1st, 4th, twice on the 6th, three times just yesterday and very likely this coming weekend and next. So tell your friends to be careful.
Safe Shaping Up for Seniors!
EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where
you have plenty of room at each side.
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your
arms straight out from your sides and hold them
there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position
for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move
up to 10-lb potato bags .
Then try 50-lb potato bags and eventually try
to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in
each hand and hold your arms straight for more
than a full minute. (I’m at this level).
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
ha ha!!!
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