NFL Schedule - 2012 [Bender's Never Wrong Picks]

ESPN ^ | 9-3-12 | Bender2

[Bender2]

Week 1 NFL 2012 Season

WED, SEP 5 TIME (ET) TV RESOURCES LOCATION
Dallas at NY Giants 8:30 PM NBC Tickets MetLife Stadium

SUN, SEP 9 TIME (ET) TV RESOURCES LOCATION
Indianapolis at Chicago 1:00 PM CBS Tickets Soldier Field
Philadelphia at Cleveland 1:00 PM FOX Tickets Cleveland Browns Stadium
New England at Tennessee 1:00 PM CBS Tickets LP Field
Atlanta at Kansas City 1:00 PM FOX Tickets Arrowhead Stadium
Jacksonville at Minnesota 1:00 PM CBS Tickets Mall of America Field
Washington at New Orleans 1:00 PM FOX Tickets Mercedes-Benz Superdome
Buffalo at NY Jets 1:00 PM CBS Tickets MetLife Stadium
St. Louis at Detroit 1:00 PM FOX Tickets Ford Field
Miami at Houston 1:00 PM CBS Tickets Reliant Stadium
San Francisco at Green Bay 4:25 PM FOX Tickets Lambeau Field
Seattle at Arizona 4:25 PM FOX Tickets U of Phoenix Stadium
Carolina at Tampa Bay 4:25 PM FOX Tickets Raymond James Stadium
Pittsburgh at Denver 8:20 PM NBC Tickets Sports Authority Field at Mile High

MON, SEP 10 TIME (ET) TV RESOURCES LOCATION
Cincinnati at Baltimore 7:00 PM ESPN Tickets M&T Bank Stadium
San Diego at Oakland 10:15 PM ESPN Tickets Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum

[Bender2]

Whoa-- Hey, Lois? Lois Lane? Look on that little TV over the bar... that is one hot kiss between you... and Superman!

What? That's Superman... but I don't wear... a crown--

And... that's not my hair... or naked back--

And THAT... is not my... ass!

My Superman... He-- He's kissing that wussy skank... Wonder Woman!

Wonder?... Lois here! Listen up, you home-wrecking hussy!

I see you've been flashing those big boobs... of yours at Superman!

And your slutty way of dressing... has got him all hot and bothered!

You do realize I could crush you... with my little finger, don't you?

Bye-bye-- Yep... she sure could--

Well, it could have been worse. Superman could have been locking lips... with Batman!

Now, now, Lois. We all know those rumors... are just plain false--

Besides, surely we all know Aquaman... is the really weak sister in the Justice League.

Bat, old sport, I agree with you that Aquaman is the hands down fairy queen of the Justice League, but you just have to... stop calling me 'Shirley!'

Meanwhile, out past the pier... still waters run deep--

Whoa, my trusty steed, Storm... we have to stop all these unfounded rumors!

I must use my telepathic abilities... to call all my faithful supporters from the Atlantic--

And all my faithful supporters... from the Pacific--

We are coming from the North Atlantic... Aquaman!

As are we... from the South Pacific!

Aquaman, we supporters of yours from the North Atlantic... are coming to help!

And we of the Hawaiian waters... are coming to support you!

This is... wonderful!

Yew hew, Aquaman? The North Pacific Frisco Bay is full of your faithful supporters... and we are coming to back you all the way--

As is New York, all united in support... marching in lockstep for our dear, dear Aquaman!

And, where else would you be supported 100 percent? Only in the entire French.... Navy!

Talk about overplaying... your hand--

Still cannot forever see why in the world they would ever think... I am gay?

I agree, why do they all seem to think that Batman... and Aquaman are light in the loafers?

They are all just jealous of our totally masculine super powers... and well fitting costumes--

Finally made the big time... in DC Comics...

And now, on with my "Never Wrong" Picks... for Week One of the 2012 NFL Season:

Okay, okay, let's get the elephant in the room out of the way... Eli has gone too far--

"I've won two Super Bowls so I have a right... to be a diva!"

"And face it, if the Cowboys knock me... out of the game, no one can fill... my shoes!"

You got that right, girl... no one could fill those gravy boats!

Well, Eli, it is time for your comeuppance and my Boys... will do to the tune of 31 to 17--

Sunday finds these games and these exact score:

Indianapolis 10 at Chicago 24: Poor Andrew finds no luck in surviving his first attack... by Da Bears

Philadelphia 28 at Cleveland 3: Those poor Brown Stains chowed down on the wrong... feed--

New England 27 at Tennessee 21: Allegra Old Earlers, still Fisherless, get no respite... from Brady's march to the sea--

Atlanta 20 at Kansas City 21: My Old Dallas Texans... disguised as Indian Chiefs... ambush Vick's Old Team--

Jacksonville 14 at Minnesota 10: Yep, you do, Viqueens... you really do--

Washington 16 at New Orleans 31: Yep, old Roger was distracted by them comely female replacement refs and played like all the others that came before--

Buffalo 17 at NY Jets 28: Tebow pulls another one... out of the fire--

St. Louis 10 at Detroit 24: It was a love fest... that is until the dinner bell rang--

Miami 17 at Houston 35: Allegras Texicans have... a fish fry--

San Francisco 28 at Green Bay 31: Well, campers, it was Fromage vs Cheddar and big's yellow wheel... won hands down--

Seattle 27 at Arizona 13: Russell Wilson get his first, official NFL... kill--

Carolina 30 at Tampa Bay 24: Cam lives up to the hype... as Carolina's Anti-Pink Panthers... sink... the Bucs toots sweet--

Pittsburgh 27 at Denver 24: Sad to say, but Peyton's call to 'Win one... for the Gummer!" falls short --

Monday night me and ESPN have cooked up... a two fer--

Cincinnati 7 at Baltimore 23: Bendy needs my help but my Black Byrds don't... in routing Cinci--

San Diego 28 at Oakland 10: Those Raider hoards smell blood... but Norv knows it is his... last stand and gets the win--

All righty, boys and girls, it is time... for your y'all's picks.

I'll play a little pi'anner interlude for ya... but hurry up, I don't have all day!

[Bender2]

Gadzooks, I am still... playing!

Where are... y'all's picks?

[Little Bill]

My father was drafted by the Lions in 1937, he went into the CCC’s instead, wise move on his part.

[Dysart]

Lots of work there, Bender- love the Eli stuff. BTW, just checked the forecast up yonder in that New York City. Looks like thunderstorms Wed night. You'd think they'd have managed to put a lid on that little stadium of theirs.

Not sure about this season overall for the Cowboys, but maybe a little foul weather will rain out the home team's victory parade.

Thus, Dallas 24 Ny 20 on the strength of a Romo to Bryant TD and 2 Murray scores on the ground. Bailey never misses. Dallas secondary must show up big here; rookie Claiborne will get thrown into the big fire and must adjust to speed of the NFL right quick. I think he'll learn a lot from this game, and they will undoubtedly test him early and often.

[Bender2]

Well, you know what they say, Dy... great minds agree!

[thefactor]

You actually think my Giants are going to lose to the Cowboys on opening night, at home, coming off a(nother) SUPERBOWL win? You’ve done nothing to improve your team except build a pretty stadium. Truth is, until JJ stops trying to play GM, you guys are going nowhere. Stick to signing the checks, Jerry!

[dfwgator]

It’s all about Dallas’ OL, the good news is that they do have a decent line coach in Bill Callahan, but it’s pretty much a patchwork group.

[Dysart]

My father was drafted by the Lions in 1937, he went into the CCC’s instead, wise move on his part.

Perhaps. But he missed out on being a part of the Lions Super Bowl trophy case.

[Covenantor]

Bender2? You really want to meet him?

Ja...he's such a cute little percolator, so bubbly!

[Dysart]

Well, the Giants are not a dominant team by any stretch. This, even their more realistic fans will concede, so it’s not inconceivable that a comparable Dallas team will come out on top. Not at all. But they play the game for a reason, we shall see.

[dfwgator]

Defending Super Bowl champions don’t exactly have a sterling record in the first game of the following season.

[AnotherUnixGeek]

WED, SEP 5 TIME (ET) TV RESOURCES LOCATION
Dallas at NY Giants 8:30 PM NBC Tickets MetLife Stadium

Wednesday, seriously? Why?

[dfwgator]

“The One’s” Speech. As if anyone was going to watch it anyway.

[Little Bill]

LOL!!! He died in 1960 a few years before the Super Bowl. I did have a cousin that was drafted by the Reds in 1967 but he went into the Marine Corps instead. Now that was a missed opportunity.

[Dysart]

Here's a fun fact: Cowboys won 5 and lost 0 in opening day games against the Giants.

[cripplecreek]

I don’t really follow pro handball much.

[Bender2]

Re: Bender2? You really... want to meet him?

Ja... he's such a cute little percolator, so bubbly!

Don't you remember? Bendy went out... both Maria and Mariabot years ago!

Yes, but if you cute me some... he'll never notice--

Okay, more beer... more beer!

Hey, this may work out... better than Covenantor expects--

[Bender2]

Re: I don’t really follow pro handball much.

Well, I tell ya, crip, I was going to take you off my NFL pings but you ain't... there!

[thefactor]

Success in the NFL depends on quality of owner, GM, coach, QB. It's hard to argue that the Giants don't have A's in each of those.

I have never seen a defending SB champ get so little respect. We shall see.

[cripplecreek]

Well if you ever start a pro curling pinglist be sure to let me on it cause I’m there dood.

[Bender2]

Re: You’ve done nothing to improve your team except build a pretty stadium. Truth is, until JJ stops trying to play GM, you guys are going nowhere. Stick to signing the checks, Jerry!

Gadzooks, Dy, looks like BOR-Duce (i.e. thefactor)... is a little testy--

Must be 'cause them Jersey Jints build a new stadium... and forgot to put on a roof!

[Dysart]

Giants have a solid organizational structure and they carry out football operations as well as any in the league. I’m no fan of Jerry Jones; the sooner he fades away the better, but Garrett’s a class act who wields more power on the club than many realize and son Stephen Jones is quite respectable who will delegate more than his power-hungry-egomaniac-somewhat incompetent-father. More and more of us are anticipating his replacing the old man someday very soon.

[Bender2]

Re: Well if you ever start a pro curling pinglist be sure to let me on it cause I’m there dood.

I'll get on it, crip, just as soon as Happy Hour is over... and I sober up--

[thefactor]

We have weather up here. And seasons. Makes it easier to go into places like Green Bay in January and beat them in the playoffs. Oh, and this is football, not baseball.

[BIGLOOK]

KMA!

[Bender2]

I see your point, BOR-Duce... and I liked the old "Hole in the roof, so God can watch" Texas Stadium--

But as you said, Jerry writes the checks... and as owner he can build what ever he can pay for--

Wednesday night's game should be a good one no matter who wins as long as it ain't... them Godless Deadskins!

[thefactor]

There is nothing, NOTHING on this great planet of ours worse than the Eagles (or their fans!). I have one brother-in-law who is a crazy Dallas fan and another one who is a crazy Redskins fan. We are united in our hatred of Philly.

[Dysart]

That we can agree upon. Eagles are are to football as Obama is to freedom.

[Bender2]

Re:
KMA!

I tell ya, BIGLOOK, that one 10... I'd do as you suggest to!

[Dysart]

Can't touch this.

[Bender2]

Re: Them scumbag Iggles and Michael... Vick

Being of the age where George Allen is a big chunk of my memory... the Deadskins are Enemy #1--

Followed by the Iggles, #2... and Jersey Jints, #3!

[Covenantor]

Bendy -LOL - thanks, I really need that today. Have a good one.

[Bender2]

Re:

Man, she feels... like a woman!

[Bender2]

You have... a good one, too, Covenantor!

[blackie]

You do such a good job, that’s why...

[Bender2]

Re: You do such a good job, that’s why...

I tell ya, blackie, if I wasn't so damn handsome... incredibly brilliant and made of metal, I'd blush--

But Bend, OY VEY! You are not handsome nor brilliant, so... blush already--

Okay, okay, Mel! You... win!!!!!

[oh8eleven]

Well, the Giants are not a dominant team by any stretch.
I've rooted for the G-Men for many a year I agree.
They could win 31-3, 31-30 or lose by the same scores and I wouldn't be surprised.
Look at 2011 - the Redskins won 4 games - 2 against the Giants in a year the Giants win the SB. Go figure.

[Pharmboy]

31-17...really? Aw geez, Bendy, emotion once again over reason. If you picked your 'Boys to win 28-27, or 17-12, I could agree because that is a definite possibility; but Jerry's Boys haven't done anything recently to indicate that they could dismantle the World Champs in their home stadium Wednesday night.

Forget about the two new corners you have, but has that O-Line of yours proven effective against Tuck, JPP and Osi? It will be much closer than your points, and the Giants just might even win outright. Just might...

[Bender2]

Pharm, call me a cock-eyed optimist but I think Eli is going to challenge those two new corners... and two pick 6s will come of it.

Then again... Tony may throw two.

But my money is on Number 10 in blue... doing it--

[Pharmboy]

Another fun fact: Cowboys are 2-7 against Giants since January, ‘08.

[Dysart]

Well, a starstruck Eli opined recently on DeMArcus Ware:

"He's gotten to me a number of times," Manning said. "He's probably played against me more than any other quarterback, too, so that leads to that. But he is a driven player. You've got to have answers for him. He's a guy who can take over a game, and he can change a game by his performances."

And there you have it. If you read betwixt the lines you will note Eli fears Ware and knows Dallas has amends to make after the anomaly of last season's performance against the upstart Giants. Said a confident, growling Ware on the rematch:

"Ready is not the right word. That word is small compared to how much our team is looking forward to getting this thing. When you think about how last season ended, you want to come out and make a statement. This is a great stage to do it."

I think we can toss the record book out the window. It's a new season and there are old scores to be settled...

[Pharmboy]

Well, as we used to say in the schoolyard: "You started it!" when you brought up past performances in openers...LOL! The one intangible I feel that will work against the 'Boys is that they will be pressing and a bit tight, while the Giants, home and defending champs, will be relaxed.

And Eli fears no one...he respects Ware as player. But let me ask: would you rather have one Ware, or one each of JPP, Tuck and Osi? Romo will be running a lot of play action to slow the pass rush (and perhaps a screen or two), but eventually he will be looking deep downfield for Dez and he'll get sacked. You guys can't double-team everyone every play.

And finally, on offense, look for the ex-Cowpoke tight end, Martellus Bennett to have a BIG game.

[Dysart]

Haha Mar-tell-us Bennett, yes, I hear there's much excitement in NY about that stiff. You will be sorely disappointed in him. He's more concerned with his budding career as a jester than playing football. Hands of stone he has. Now, he can block well and that's how he should be regarded- as a lineman. And a rapper/comedian.

Note that Ware may be finally getting some help from rookie Ty Crawford and some pretty stout LBs as pass rushers Victor Butler, Sean Lee... hello?...Hatcher is coming on strong too as a pressure player; we saw that in the PS. DC Ryan has some pass rushing stunts he's never shown in Dallas, due to the shortened 2011 offseason, to get pressure on opposing QBs; whereas, Dallas has seen the Giants' best schemes.

Romo has the advantage of experience and will negate the rush as best as can be hoped for... he'll take four-five sacks by games' end but only after finding Murray for short passes and turning them upfield for big gains throughout. And look out for the little smurf, Cole Beasely, in the slot on quit-hitters across the middle. Will Hill or A Rolle cannot contain the little jitterbug. Think Wes Welker with not quite the explosion and powerful frame. I think Dez will match up with Michael Coe, and that's just unfair. Bryant will own him.

Plainly NY will have its hands full Wed night. Your humble poster cannot wait.

[blackie]

[Pharmboy]

While I agree with some of your optimistic analysis on your Boys, you are flat out wrong on Bennett. At Texas A&M, he holds the record for tight ends for receptions (105) and yards. No manos de la piedra for him...he played behind one of the best TEs in football, so he did not do much. Watch out for him tomorrow...

[CJ Wolf]

My Picks:

Week 1 NFL 2012 Season
Dallas 3 - Giants 50
Colts 14 - Chicago 31
Eagles 27 - Browns 2 - Vick out after giving up a safety in the opening drive.

New England 7 - Tennessee 10

Atlanta 24 Kansas City 28
Jacksonville 21 = Minnesota 0
Washington 35 - New Orleans 9 (no bounty, no coach)
Buffalo 10 - NY Jets 24
St. Louis 0 - Detroit 14
Miami 3 at Houston 7
San Francisco 14 at Green Bay 7
Seattle 13 Arizona 27
Carolina 21 Tampa Bay 17
Pittsburgh 3 Denver 27
Cincinnati 24 Baltimore 45
San Diego 21 Oakland 22

[Dysart]

All I can tell you is we were also excited about Bennett's potential based on his measurables coming out of college, yet he never performed while his locker-room and off-field antics let us down time after time. A classic underachiever. I attribute it to his lack of focus/immaturity. IF he has evolved since last season, maybe he will be a productive NFL player. No one doubts his ability. But his history in Dallas doesn't predict it. You've seen him-- were you ever impressed with him?

Good luck and may the best team decide the outcome, and not those replacement referees.

[Bender2]

Re: Dallas 3 - Giants 50 and Pittsburgh 3 Denver 27

Gadzooks! And I thought I got really drunk... last night--

[Pharmboy]

Well, he's had a great camp and been quite impressive in the pre-season games. He has also taken quite well to the playbook...maturity is important, and no doubt there is truth to what you said. The biggest problem for him was--to my mind--Whitten.

I am anxiously looking forward to tomorrow night as well...a lot of people will be watching.

[CJ Wolf]

Well you might be really drunk tonight if my pick is true.