Can't Stop Crying

Me | August 19, 2012 | bicyclerepair

[bicyclerepair]

Hi FRiends, Boy do I need someone to talk to.

Just came back from dropping off my daughter at college and the empty house is making me cry so much.

Been a member since 2004. This is my first post. So sorry but I can't stop feeling sad and hurting inside because I miss her so much.

I respect you all so much and value your comments. Some are harsh, but most are honest and decent. So maybe I can drown my heart-ache reading your thoughts.

Sincerely, bicyclerepair--Ft. Lauderdale

[Sapwolf]

Why don’t you go to the range?

That ALWAYS makes me feel good. Especially if I shoot well.

Nothing like putting up the hostage target, calling out to “Let her go.”, then puttin one between his eyes.

[rbbeachkid]

Your life has revolved around her. Now you have to fill your life with what you need to offer besides her.

Historically, women made much bigger contributions to society after their children left the nest.

Its time for you.

[bicyclerepair]

Gladeguru: My Dad and I have recently taken up trap shooting at Markham park. He is a big help in this.

Funny, my wife and my 2nd date, we went shooting. A hot shell bounced off the divider wall and down her v-neck top. It’s funny now. So when I took my daughter shooting, I told her to wear a t-shirt. Wouldn’t you know it, a hot shell went down her t-shirt! Now she hates semi-autos. So I need to get a revolver when I can save up $ome.

I’m truly blessed. You all seem like my online family.

[floralamiss]

Bless your heart. You do have FRiends here, and I’m glad you felt you could cry on our shoulders. We have pretty broad ones, stretching around the world, as they do. And you’ll always find somebody up and ready to listen. But you know all that.

I’m going to bookmark your thread, and will be praying for you and your daughter tonight. Bicyclerepair, even though your house seems empty, it really isn’t. You must know that your daughter is thinking of you, just as you are thinking of her. Your home is filled with the spirit of love between the two of you, and the great goodwill and prayer of your fellow FReepers.

I hope that didn’t sound too corny, because I believe every word. God bless.

[savagesusie]

I must admit-—I felt much easier leaving a son, than a daughter! But—with all the new technology today—communication is really easy and girls are GREAT with the phones and emails, etc. AND—you probably gave her enough attention and time, that she won’t do anything dumb trying to seek approval from idiots.

Take your free time and take classes or read everything you had to put off because of lack of time. Plan to accomplish things which you couldn’t before when she was around.

Do things which make you grow and become wiser—then share your wisdom with her when she comes for visits. Learning never ends and it really is fun and time goes so swiftly-—before you know it she will be home again!!!!

[Salamander]

She needs a puppy!

:)

[fwdude]

Sorry, but what’s UCF? I hope we’re not talking California.

[GizmosAndGadgets]

Anything you can do to keep in touch will probably help with some of the feeling of letting go. Skype is great, if you both can coordinate some time for a direct conversation. I finally gave-in and started a Facebook account once our daughter left for school - I don't do much with FB myself, but she does, so that's how I keep up with the things going on in her life, and we use the chat feature, too. I also I follow her on Twitter ;-) If you have these options, I can't recommend them enough for staying connected.

As a side note, see if you can find a way to use online banking to transfer money directly from your bank account to hers ;-) It really helps when she says she wants to come home for the weekend but needs money for gas :-)

[imardmd1]

I was in California on business on July 27, 1985 when they found me, handed the phone to me, and an old friend notified me that my son died on Route 95 near Norwalk, CT in an auto accident at 3 AM. I put His body in his grave, next to mine, on his 27th birthday.

It's August 19, 2012, 27 years later, and I dreamed of him yet once more, night before last.

Go play "Toy Story 3", weep a little, but rejoice for your blessedness in getting to hear your child's voice whenever. Thank God for lending her to you for a while.

Feel for someone else whose son or daughter is coming home from Afghanistan under our Flag.

"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Mt. 11:28)

[867V309]

Feeling the loss of something so important in your life is very painful. Reaching out is a good thing, hearing other's experiences can help.

Talking to my subconscious has helped me in similar circumstances. I "pretend" it is a caring friend, tell it my feelings, and ask for what I want (relief from suffering).

Hope this helps. In the meantime, prayers-up!

[Hodar]

it’s all a part of life ... you have done your job ... you’ve instilled in her a sense of being, a set of morals, taught her right from wrong, educated her - and now she has the opportunity to define herself, of herself and by herself. Hopefully she will see the horrors that happen to other young women who reject the lessons you have tried to teach her.

Not that long ago - you were in the situation she is in now.

But, no matter what happens, no matter what mistakes she makes, no matter what wrong decisions she makes ... she will always be your daughter.

[bicyclerepair]

UCF = Univ. of Central FL (circa 1963), supposed to be the 2nd largest college in America. It’s in Orlando.

[GeorgeWashingtonsGhost]

Look at the bright side. If it were your son he’d have probably not been accepted. GIRL POWER!

[VeniVidiVici]

I should be glad that she wants to come home for a 4-day labor day w/e. If she didn’t, THEN I should be sad.

Check out the Red Bus. I've never taken it but it looks pretty cool for crisscrossing the state. Prices seem pretty reasonable too.

Red Bus

[bicyclerepair]

Everything is relative. THANK YOU for pointing that out!!!

And you have my sincerest condolences my FRiend.

[Texas56]

It is natural to cry tears when you miss someone you love. So cry as much as you like and don’t worry about what anyone thinks! You are joining the ranks of countless moms who cried buckets of tears after sending their child off to school or out into the world.

I can promise it DOES get easier. You may miss her every day presence, but you will soak up and cherish the moments when she comes home.

One of the ways I keep in contact with my daughter at college is through text messages. She has used the unlimited texting frequently and at all hours of the night! I always enjoy hearing the sound my phone makes when I get one of her texts. It does my heart good to know she wants to tell me something and is willing to share what is going on in her life.

Trust in the Lord to ease the pain of separation for you both and be proud that you have raised her to handle this new adventure.

[Smokin' Joe]

Write her a letter. Old style, snail mail. Unlike all the electronic stuff, a letter can be carried with you, reread until it is dog eared, and is a tangible item, a token of your love and support, even without being opened. Stay upbeat, occasionally reminisce, offer support and advice when wanted. About once a week, and make it a habit. Neither of you will regret it.

I still have letters from my folks from my college days.

The other thing is the occasional 'care package'. It was a red letter day when I'd get cookies from home, a jar of home made jelly/jam, packed in plastic bags full of popcorn (the real stuff) inside a box. Never had a shortage of friends to help eat the contents, either! (8^D)

Use your imagination, and if stumped, pray for inspiration. It can be busy there, letters back may not be as frequent as letters going there (so don't take that personally), but know every tangible display of your love and support will be welcome.

So dry your eyes and start plotting goodies to send.

God Bless.

[bicyclerepair]

Thank you. The red bus is cheaper than gas.

[VeniVidiVici]

Red Bus in Orlando has two terminals too. One is not too far from UCF, right near the airport

1777 MC COY Road Orlando, FL. 32809

Also they have 10% discounts for students, veterans and military!

[SERE_DOC]

Such is the nature of life.

since we are not known to each other I will say this

If, you did your best to raise her... then the sadness is but a temporary thing...

You, it appears have provided her with every advantage to succeed, (hence your longing to be with her) I would speculate that if you, were one of those "disposable parents" you would not have the emptiness of feelings.

Pray for her, lift her up daily. Keep yourself busy and don't dwell on your sadness, Keep doing the routine things.

If this is your only child then that makes it harder... but not insurmountable.

I have 3 that have left home, (one returned) but for medical reasons she would have fulfilled her goals and dreams.

The trite remarks from some show a stunning lack of maturity or lack of depth of feeling (or lack of children / disposable parents) do not consider them for a second.

This is a natural course of events... just go with it.

[WHBates]

UCF is University of Central Florida and it’s in Orlando, FL.

[bicyclerepair]

You all are great therapy.
Your comments are well received.
Opened my eyes to see.
Perspective is conceived.

[exit82]

Remember something.

You’re the Dad.

Guys may come and go in her life, but you wil be the one constant rock she will have, other than Jesus.

This is the time you will do some of your best work as a parent.

First, pray for your daughter. For her roomate, her teachers, her friends. Everytime you think of her , pray for her. You are her spiritual covering—still. Your prayers for her are not constrained by time nor space.
A father’s prayer is one of the most powerful things a man can do.

Second,give your daughter room to be an adult. Don’t smother her.This is what you have been raising her for and training her for. This is real life—not a rehearsal.

Third, write to her. She will love to hear from you. I would suggest a regular letter, rather than email. Write about yourself, your love for her mom, what it means to be so proud of a daughter like her. Encourage her, and her dreams. Help her to see the big picture, so the little disappointments and discouragements don’t get her down.She will cherish your letters far more than you realize, and take them out and re-read them when she gets lonely or overwhelmed.

Fourth,look forward to break times when she will be home.
They will come soon enough, and be part of the new rythym of life for you and your family.

You are still a very important part of her life. You are still the Dad. You are still the spiritual umbrella for her.Relish the role.

God bless.

[TXLady]

Not stupid at all. I understand totally. Even though you know you have to let her go it doesn’t make the pain any less real! It will get easier. Try to stay busy and not think about it is the best advice I could give.

I have a grown son that is a thousand miles away and I haven’t been able to see him in two years. I have days where all I do is cry but then for the most part I try to stay busy and not think about it. He and his family lived five minutes away for ten years and then moved. Just about broke my heart. I can certainly offer prayer for the pain and understanding for your feelings.

[TXLady]

Not stupid at all. I understand totally. Even though you know you have to let her go it doesn’t make the pain any less real! It will get easier. Try to stay busy and not think about it is the best advice I could give.

I have a grown son that is a thousand miles away and I haven’t been able to see him in two years. I have days where all I do is cry but then for the most part I try to stay busy and not think about it. He and his family lived five minutes away for ten years and then moved. Just about broke my heart. I can certainly offer prayer for the pain and understanding for your feelings.

[higgmeister]

With each visit back home, my F-in-L would cry when we got in the car to leave. That happened over and over for twenty years at least. He has been gone for a long time but I still marvel that he let me take her so far away the first time. My wife and I are attempting to get used to the prospect that our S-in-L may take our Daughter and Granddaughter to live clear across the country, seemingly retracing our paths of 35 years ago. It would be a fantastic career move for him but I wonder how I will hold up if that happens.

[Yaelle]

Sorry, honey! I will be there one day. It doesn’t even matter if you have more kids at home, it’s still heartbreaking as one phase of their / your life is over.

I so didn’t get it when they drove me to the dorms. I walked away excited without much of a backward glance, and was not understanding their heartache.

When I gave birth to my first child, I held his tiny body in the hospital and cried because one day he would leave home. We want to keep them forever in our arms, small, but then again, we want them to grow and have lives and families of their own.

It’s so hard when they do. You deserve to grieve the end of an era. Grieve, cry, mourn and then when it’s over, you will be through it and ready for the next chapter of your relationship. Kids love quick funny texts during their day, little unexpected gifts (food, money), this next phase can be ok. Don’t shut her out re relationships or anything, let her turn to you as someone she can trust. Remember, you don’t need to be too Hardass any more because she can do whatever she wants and you can’t stop her unless you somehow find out. So be a good voice in her ear. Help her.

It will all be good. You are her mother forever. Cry and mourn but be glad you are only mourning the end of an era -— some mothers are really mourning their kids. You did a good job. Take a bow.

[Yaelle]

Reading through these posts with all 4 of mine still at home, getting Teary eyed at this future event, and then I see your advice and just start cracking up through my tears:

---

AND FOR GOD’S SAKE DON’T LISTEN TO “CATS IN THE CRADLE”

[fwdude]

Thanks, guys. I’m not up on college acronyms.

[Yaelle]

Whoops, correction, you are her dad. Same thing, though.

[higgmeister]

“CATS IN THE CRADLE”

Now that made me almost cry... but smile and laugh at the same time too!

[juma]

You didn’t say what kind of kid you have. Self reliant ? Dependent ? For the self reliant kid, they will do well, until they have that moment and you will get that call, so listen and don’t talk. They just want to know that they are still loved. That’s all. For the dependent, you have to be the strong one and make them become self reliant. The difference is in the type of phone calls. Been there done that. Its all part of the process. And look at it like a higher level of teaching them to adulthood. Don’t volunteer them to come back, but don’t let them know they are not welcome either. If you do it right, they will be just fine, and you will find an new best friend forever ( BFF ) Good Luck !

[Captain Beyond]

Hey Bicyclerepair I know your feeling alone right now and it hurts but look on the bright side you just did your finest piece of work in that you prepared your daughter for college. She is there and will make you proud. She will call when needs you and you will be there to help her through it. Look at it a new cycle of learning in both of your relationships to better depend on each other and reach out to one another.

Check out Mathew 28:19-20 Jesus is saying he right there with us all the time for all of time.
19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

And when Moses dies look at how God comforts Joshua 1:1-5 telling he will always be with him as you will be in your daughter’s heart as she is in yours while you are apart.

5 No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

God’s promises are forever. Right there with just a few verses you know God and Jesus are right there with her and you during this time. So rejoice she will finding her own way and you will still be there to guide her and you have already laid the solid ground work for her to follow.

I know in times like this I have always turned to music to take away the sadness. Something about the music seems to pull the emotion out me touching the cords in my soul, causing me to think of the good times, and then it pulls the sadness from me. For me it is like some sort of symbiotic odyssey that makes me embrace the pain while at the same time releasing it. That is the best way that I can explain it. Oddly enough it is when I write some of my best music. It can hard with a delicate dynamic or soft with a cutting edge, or just hard, or just a flowing rhythm but that is just how it happens. I always get real metaphorical with the lyrics which can be quite surprising when I look at it the next day. I tend to go yen and yang with the music as I listen to it but hey that is what works for me.

Here are a few songs that have helped me through some tough times. In some it is just the music and so much the words in others it is both that spoke to my soul. I am sure you can find your own but just hang in there and reach out to Jesus he is always with us in good times and bad.

Styx - Right Away
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_Eu4fZ-MXI

Styx - Little Fugue in G/Father OSA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9YF64svUFw

Led Zeppelin - Thank You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfUSZVIWhxA

Kenny Wayne Shepherd - Let Go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmLPJBSxSzQ

Uraih Heep - The Wizard
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eq8nQOhZ3u8

Bride - Goodbye
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f41dgzdRSVs

Slaughter - Fly To The Angels
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukmobha2krY

Black Crowes - Seeing Things For The First Time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OD9vMFT_zX4

REO Speedwagon - Roll With The Changes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGgLPriZUSA

Joe Cocker - I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIKBq9TeFlw
(This is pretty cool version a rare footage of Joe and Band)

Well enjoy if they are not your cup of tea that is cool but they are some of the ones that helped me out.

[albie]

My daughter leaves this Wednesday. It’s now 3 am and I can’t sleep thinking about it. All I can do is put my trust in God and hope I did the right things in raising her. She’s so excited I have to stay strong and be excited with her but I know that when we leave her the tears will flow.

The one thing that makes me happy is knowing that when we see her again it’ll be all that much sweeter! “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”!

I’m looking forward to skyping, texting, e-mailing and talking. Just think. 20 years ago it would have cost you $1.00 a minute to chat long distance and that’s the ONLY communication other than letters.

[ROTB]

1) Sorry about your loneliness
2) You can still write & call, but remember college is the biggest adventure of her life so far.
3) Find some videos/pictures of the consequences of fooling around before marriage. I’m talking VD. Find all the pictures you can on the internet, and email them to her. She won’t touch nobody till marriage.

You’ll pull through.

[Colorado Cowgirl]

Philippians 4:6-8, This was my Pastors sermon verse last Sunday. Amen. My Daughters went to Pensacola Christian College in Florida. Great Education, great location and great weather. All grew up very well away from home, and very independent minded.

[albie]

One thing that makes me feel better about my daughter going off this Wednesday are all the parents we know who can’t wait for thier kid to go away. What an awful feeling that would be. What kind of upbringing did those kids get?! What are the memories?!

The love and devotion that you exhibited throughout her 18 years is evident and you should reflect on that and be proud! It won’t help you miss her less but it should help knowing that you sent such a person out in to the world!

[b9]

I packed up what she left and each box wrote a note to her. So it didn’t matter when she opened the boxes, there would be a note to her about how much we loved and appreciated her.

Terrific idea.

[pa_dweller]

It does get better after awhile. Shows our bloodline to sorrow when those we love leave.

Agreed it is wrenching.

[jimfree]

My daughter lived away from me most of her youth, having a succession of step-fathers. I was assigned however to give her away at her wedding. I wept for hours that evening, in part mourning all of the opportunity lost. Now, 14 years later, she is much closer to me and a model homeschooling Mom of four of her own.

[ladyL]

I have so much I could share with you. I couldn't stop crying for three days when my daughter graduated H.S. and I don't cry easy. When we drove her to college 3 hours away, she being our only child, left a huge hole in “the three of us.” I thought I wouldn't be able to make it...but God! I prayed 24/7. We talked on the phone 2-3 x a day...We didn't see her for one month as she was too busy to come home and she just kept getting more busy. It was hell! I have no advice for you. Nothing made it easy for me. We were too close but she persevered and eventually became her own woman. Thank God for her strength...I couldn't have done it. (We homeschooled) She is now a 32 yr. old married woman with two children. Her life is completely full and she gives me a little time every once in awhile if she can spare it. She's still busy. Do I miss “the three of us?” I sure do...but she is happy and that is all that counts. Scottie, my daughter, is one of the newest Politichicks on the Patriot Network and is very active politically. She will be covering the RNC and the DNC so I covet your prayers for her safety. Thank you and I pray your heartache lessens with time.

[patriot08]

>Skype
>You did a good job raising her. She’ll be ok
>Time heals
>She’ll be back

God bless

[Artie]

I recall taking my son to college some years back and thinking, as I looked at all of the other parents,... there are at least 8 thousand heart attacks waiting to happen.

[Dick Bachert]

Beat me to it. If Obozo gets back in, EVERYBODY will be moving in with their folks.

[Claud]

You all must think I’m stupid.

Oh gosh no! My kids are 4, 3, and 7 mo. and I'm already feeling sad about them leaving....years from now!

[Nachoman]

One of the unexpected delights of my daughters going to college was the bevy of gifted, unique and brilliant friends they would meet in college and bring home for holidays and other school breaks. An added bonus was some of them were drop-dead gorgeous!

[imardmd1]

And you have my sincerest condolences my FRiend.

May your hard-earned experience and wisdom ever be sought -- let it be from the mind of The Christ, our Hope and Glory!

[Jacknudy]

You’ll be fine. Takes some adjusting, but it’ll all settle in. When our youngest went off to college my wife was a mess. Now she wouldn’t have’em back for anything.

It’s a sad day, not a sad year. Hang on.

[DainBramage]

The first is the hardest, but I found that after the fourth one graduated from college and began to pay his own bills that I couldnt wait for the fifth one to get the hell out and do the same!

I almost feel rich now that I dont dont pay for 5 cell phones, 5 cars and insurance and 5 tuitions.

[cblue55]

Just returned home from dropping my daughter off at college 5 1/2 hours away. My nest is now empty. As I read this thread, the tears are flowing for me once again, but the smiles are there too.

This is a huge change in your life as well as your daughter’s. Allow yourself to grieve because it is a loss. But take advantage of texting, cell phones, Skype, etc. and look forward to seeing her soon!

Now that the house is empty and quiet, I plan to turn up the volume on MY favorite music.