Skip to comments.Ladies, every man you work with thinks you want to sleep with him
Posted on 07/31/2012 5:07:35 AM PDT by Sir Napsalot
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My opinion is that no, you cannot. My oldest daughter joined the Coast Guard at 18 and has been self-supporting since that day. She was an adult, while her brother, who is living at home, is not. I don't think it's a problem if an 18-year-old isn't self-supporting, but he's not an adult.
The people referenced in the article, though, must have jobs, because the discussion is about relationships in the workplace.
It definitely backfires on women in some workplaces. My former employer had an informal (and illegal, if ever proven) policy of simply refusing to hire young, attractive women for any job. It was a small (~100 employees), male-dominated company, and thirty years in business had taught them that the problems that would ensue from hiring such "targets" were best avoided - even if shad had an MBA, a CFA, and plenty of relevant experience.
We would all kind of laugh amongst ourselves when such a woman would come in for an interview - we knew she wasn't going to be joining the firm, especially if she showed up dressed in anything other than and ultra-conservative dark suit and low heels. And, in fact, the firm had zero sexual harassment problems during the ten years I worked there - far less than the big insurance company where I spent the previous decade. We were about 15% female, and virtually all of those women were over 40. The old man who ran the place knew what worked for his shop.
You are 100% correct about younger women not having any idea how their friendly interactions are being interpreted in the workplace. Far from being manipulative and scheming, most of them are downright dumb about it.
The successful "player" pays no attention to things like wedding rings, work roles and relationships, or even whether a woman is particularly attractive. The game is always on for them. And such alpha predator/players who believe completely in their own invincibility hardly ever get accused of sexual harassment - it's usually some harmless and hapless loser who makes an unfortunate remark at the wrong time and brings the wrath of the HR department and the Sisterhood down on his head. :)
I had Jacqui (that’s how she likes it spelled now)text daddy the other day because his phone went directly to voice mail and I needed him to add trash bags to the list - he got home an hour later without the bags because he hadn’t gotten the text. 2 hours after that the phone notified him he had gotten a text.
A lot of good it does me!
I am 100% confused. You have made two total contradictory claims...in one you never touch a non related male but in another you treat your guy friends just like your female friends (hugs etc)or am I just missing something here?
I never touch a non-related male unless Im pulling him from a fire. I am never alone with a non-related male. If a situation comes up where I *must* be alone with a non-related male (repair man), my husband is aware of the situation and I never allow him to get closer than 6 feet. Im not a b*tch about it, but I keep the lines very clear. I dont trust ANY male.
The way female friends interact with each other (hugging, doing nice things for one another, intense personal conversations) was natural for me. When I started making friends with the guys, I treated them the way I would a good female friend. I NEVER thought that these idiots would see it as flirting. (Alright - *I* was the idiot.) They knew I was happily married. I thought that my ring was all the clarity that I needed.
That reminds me of a conversation we had with my daughter when she was 17.
Her and I were standing, arguing in the living room. My husband was watching the production from his chair.
I turned to my husband and said, “When a guy gives you a hug... what does that mean.”
“It means he wants to have sex with you.”
“When a guy asks for your comfort with a personal problem - he wants to talk...?”
“It means he wants to have sex with you.”
“When a guy asks you to help with his homework...?”
“It means he wants to have sex with you.”
and on and on.
My daughter turned to her brother who’d wandered in and was standing in the door, grinning.
“Is this TRUE??”
My son laughed. “Oh, yeah! Every word!”
Then I turned it around.
“What does a guy think when you give him a hug?”
“He thinks that you want to have sex with him.”
“What does a guy think when you smile and give him a high-five?”
“He thinks that you want to have sex with him.”
My daughter was NOT happy with this reality.
That has happened to us with texts sometimes, too. No method of communication is without its problems. However, the failures of text-message delivery are, for me, fewer and less stressful than,
I call him, get voicemail. I leave message, “Please get milk and bananas on the way home, thanks.” He turns on his phone and sees that I called him. He calls me back. I’m in the shower, changing a diaper, feeding the baby, so he gets the answering machine, leaves message, “Did you call me for something?” I call back, get voice mail, leave message: “Yes, I left a message. Check your bleeping freeping voice mail, that’s what it’s freeping for!” He calls back, “Why do you keep calling me?” and so on ...
One’s marital relationship does not need this sort of thing.
My boss from church called recently when I couldn’t get to my cell phone, and before I picked it up, Frank (3) got it out of my purse and hit “Enter,” which called her back. When she answered, he said, “Hi, I’m on the phone!” and she recognized the number and deduced, “Is this Frank?” “Yes!” he said, and then, “Here is Mama’s checkbook. Do you want it?”
What I *SAID* was that I *used* to treat male ‘friends’ the way I would my female friends. I honestly didn’t see them as sexual objects. I meant it when I said, “just friends.”
Then, after a series of horrifying encounters, I figured out that guys saw ‘friendship’ as an invitation for more. I was no longer naive.
AFTER THAT, I changed my behavior. I made my lock-tight list of rules for social dealings with men. I *learned* to keep ALL men at an arms-length.
When I was very young I kept hearing “boys will be boys.”
I’m a very subtle people-watcher and it didn’t take me long to figure out boys were being boys with girls — for the most part :)
"Well, she's obviously interested in sex with somebody." *****************************************
I just love your Frank!
Our problem is spotty cell service because we live in the absolute boonies! I might, and I seriously mean MIGHT, get reasonable reception if I am up on the deck on the west side o the house. One of these days I guess I will need to think about once again getting a landline - but o course then I will still have the issues of the really bad infrastructure and losing that service everytime it rains.
“Women are generally more demure about these methods while men are usually more open”
Agree for the most part but some women are blatant.
“Nah, only the hootchie mamas who wear micro miniskirts to the office think that.”
Or, the hootchie mamas want to get you to want to sleep with them, even though you don’t (and even though they don’t intend to carry through), and the plain dressers dress that way to ward you off because they think you want to sleep with them.
Well, I won't lie to you, there are a few attractive women in my office. Were I younger, and not married, I'd certainly think about asking them out if they showed a little interest.
But the article read like I (and every other guy in the company) stand outside of any random female worker's office, drooling and breathing heavily. I've worked with a (very) few men like that (and some women, too) but they tend to move on, or find themselves out of a job, fairly quickly.
And - with a very few exceptions that I've heard of - those who "dip their pen in company ink" never, ever come to a good end. It's always best to keep business and pleasure separate. :-)
“The attitude that women know what theyre doing is a dangerous one.”
The attitude that “every man you work with wants to sleep with you” isn’t so good either.
Nor the attitude “I dont trust ANY male.”
On the other hand, I’m not too far from “I don’t trust ANY female” but at least I know it’s not a good attitude.
First, I want to add my voice to what I’m sure are many other freepers, saying “BS” to this claim.
I work with many many women, and I don’t think ANY Of them want to sleep with me, and there’s only one or two that I think would even be tempting to me in that regard.
Still, I have no doubt that there are dynamics in the workplace with sexual attraction. I know companies have to spend a significant amount of effort to overcome the problems associated with having people with natural sexual attraction working closely together.
If I were 25 and single, and Francisco the guitarist was single, I'd probably bat my eyes at him, just in case he was interested in getting married and having ten children. But as it is, we have a handshake and "I really liked your offertory hymn," relationship.
that is absolute fembot horseshit
it should read:
If you are hot then likely every man you work with thinks about what it would be like to "____" you or at a minimum what you look like underneath the Ann Klein business suit
that is just how we are....
but to add that we think all women want to bang us is so much crap...i never thought that unless they made overtures
This is NOT true..
IF THE MALE FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE, then yes, in the back of his mind he may want to sleep with you no matter what your relationship is. That doesn’t mean intellectually they are going to do so etc etc.
However, IF THE MALE FINDS YOU UNATTRACTIVE, then sleeping with you is not on his mind, even a little bit, unless he’s going through one INCREDIBLY long dry spell or something.
I bet Mr. Poet thinks like this.
BTW, no, not every woman I have met or worked with, not by a longshot.
It might be safe to say that part of the male mindset is to evaluate whether a woman is a potential mate, but there is so much to remove a woman from that category these days (not to mention mentally declaring one's self ineligible to participate) that the biology comes in a distant second to other considerations.
It is interesting that the writer perceives men as being led about solely by their glands, mindless slaves to their hormones.
I agree that the article is BS, but I believe implicit in its claims is that men in the workplace interpret practically any action by women as overtures, or at least demonstrations of interest.
I would think it would take quite an ego not to think the opposite.
The plumber’s here now. How’s that for cryptic.
Max: Hey Ben, what’s this I hear about you sleeping with my wife?!
Ben: Honest Max, not a wink!
implicit in its claims is that men in the workplace interpret practically any action by women as overtures, or at least demonstrations of interest.
That is also what I understood the article to be saying. I didn't click through to the "Scientific American" article which inspired the "Forbes" commentary, nor to the original study report, so I don't know if this perception originated in the study data or in the mind of the "Forbes" writer.
IK do not think I misunderstood. The issue is men lusting after women. Your post seemed to say that you are not one about whom men in your circle have sexual fantasies about. I merely observed that pregnancy and women with babies are triggers for male sexual fantasy.
If I may butt in here, I think you’re still misunderstanding.
I believe she was suggesting that men would be daft to assume that such a woman was fantasizing about them—which is the dynamic this article addressed.
Let me be more specific:
I don’t trust any male to read my mind and understand that I am only interested in my husband (or to believe me when I expressly say so). I don’t trust any male to not misinterpret innocent gestures as sexual overtures or to act on their assumptions.
That may stand as the most illiterate post I have scribed. And, yes, there is competition.
I agree, while men are naturally more forward, they are equally as diverse as the gals in choice, interests, desired attributes and selectivity.
Almost all men are thinking about sleeping with almost all women they meet. Women are thinking about it too . the only difference is women are more selective in their fantasies preferring better looking men. Even if married,neither are faithful at least in their mind . relationships suck. what is it the bible say s about if you lust in your mind it is as if you had committed adultery. all have and this I know to be true. None are innocent here, neither males nor females
Three questions occur within 7 seconds of meeting a woman, any woman:
1) Could I sleep with her?
2) Could I pay the price (all aspects)?
3) Is she worth it?
For most well-adjusted and well-relationshipped men, this mental subroutine occurs in the background and it requires some effort to be aware of it. Go ahead, look for it - you’ll find it.
Now, for the happily married man, the answers to the questions are all happy ones:
1) Could I sleep with her? OF COURSE!
2) Could I pay the price? NOT A CHANCE!
3) Is she worth it? ARE YOU KIDDING?
But once you’re in relationship trouble, those answers get harder to swallow. And for most single guys, where the answer to #1 is NOT A CHANCE, the answer to #2 is I GOTTA TRY, and #3 depends on the time of day, the BAC, and a variety of other factors all too familiar to those who have been single after age 20 or so.
Better looking man:
Wow wow wow .... I didn’t know Billy Jeff is a Freeper.
Pretty much. Women will give a different answer to this question and/or possibly have an affair depending on the attractiveness of the male. Not all cases of course..many have core values, will not stray no matter what but many do not and will act if given the chance with the right male.85-90% of divorces initiated by women is telling.
This Saturday Night Live skit about sums it up though it is slightly off target...extremely funny and to the point... regarding women and attraction from the right male.
“Theres a difference between harboring thoughts vs. acting thereon.”
Of course. However, the fact that such thoughts exist shows that the idea that a man and woman can be “just friends” is pure wishful thinking. Knowing this can make you forewarned and prepared for your own feelings as well those of others, and help you avoid temptation.
Yes, you are correct.
And honestly, I think the men I meet have better things to do with their fantasy lives ;-). I’m not bad for my age, and my husband likes me, but there are lots of prettier women around, many of them dressed to “inspire,” while I am not.
So that’s what accounts for all those peculiar messages left on my answering machine back in the day....
Hope springs eternal.
Reading the replies here has been interesting. While I don't doubt that temptation can cross anyone's mind, that's a far cry from EVERY man TRYING to sleep with every woman they meet and thinking that all those women are TRYING to sleep with them right back.
People may THINK about it and maybe even want it, but TRYING like the article says? I don't think so.
Sleep? Nah, you can sleep when you get home; just send the next one in on your way out.
I recently ran into the exact opposite situation. I was at a conference where one of the break-out sessions was "So, what to do now that you've reached the middle of your career." I thought that sounded interesting, so I wandered over to the room. I was the oldest person in the room by at least 15 years (I'm under 50), including the speaker, who might have been 30. Room was completely filled with Gen-Yers, all complaining about their bosses not taking them seriously. I wanted to stand up and say, "maybe it's because you're 27 years old, and you think you're already at the middle point of your career." I just got up and left. It's amazing the dichotomy, where they want to be treated like they're mid-level management, but they still want to be on their parents' health insurance plans.
That’s amazing, “middle of your career” in your 20s. A very compressed time horizon. On the other hand, maybe they’re on to something ... we could all be boiling kudzu and fighting off zombies before they reach maturity!
Research for this? DUH, the answer was obvious to begin with.
How the heck do you think I met my wife (27 years in October)?
Given that they are likely to be laid off by age 40 unless they have climbed the ladder above a certain level, they may be right about that.
I’ll be in the middle of my career at 28. Depending, of course, on whether the approved retirement is still 20 years by then.
Like your uncle Russ, you could be in the middle of your military career quite early in life, but when you retire at 38 (O ne Zot ;-), you’ll start something new. You probably won’t find your CG retirement pay is all the income you need, unless you go for “beach bum in the Philippines” or something else in the “no electricity or running water” genre.
Singapore is very expensive.
Well, I like the Philippines, and I think I would like the Turks better. I understand they speak English there instead of Spanish, Japanese, Malay. My Malay is even worse than my Spanish.
Besides, I don’t know what kind of shape the Coast Guard will in in 10 years from now. Or 20.
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