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Acing the Interview: Audaciously
Yahoo Voices ^ | 4-7-12 | Mary C. Kirchhoff

Posted on 04/07/2012 4:17:27 PM PDT by InHisService

My last interview was typical of the new "selection process" employers utilize to weed out the unwanted and unemployable. The first interview was only round one in the boxing ring fighting to get a job. The recruiter gave us the heads up about the selection process.

"Today is the first round, and out of that group we will select those who will be brought back for a second interview. If that goes well, we'll have a third interview, where we will interrogate you with a Tae Kwon Do master on hand. You will be tied to a chair with rope and hooked up to an electronic gadget and a lie detector test. At that point, we will determine if you are telling the truth about your previous employment and each time it doesn't prove out, an electric shock will be sent to your brain, and our man will practice some torture methods on you."

(Excerpt) Read more at voices.yahoo.com ...


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Humor
KEYWORDS: interviews; jobhunting; jobs; unemployed
Job interviews can be uncomfortable and demeaning. It's always the same lame, predicatable questions. Try telling employers what you're really thinking!
1 posted on 04/07/2012 4:17:40 PM PDT by InHisService
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To: InHisService

What they don’t understand is it’s a two way street. You are also interviewing them.


2 posted on 04/07/2012 4:30:40 PM PDT by bgill
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To: InHisService

This article describes a process I find vaguely familiar. My most recent experience is quite different. I posed two statements/questions to disqualify myself. Didn’t work. They had pretty well made their minds up.

One of my favorite bad interviews was in 1993. In the first of a series of co-worker interviews the lady asked “so why do you want to work with us?” I responded “I’m not sure yet that I do.” Oh, that’s a third comment I made to disqualify myself five weeks ago. I cited that experience and told my interviewers that they owed me a response.

Anyway - all is well so far. And we never got to the lie detector or Kenpo master.


3 posted on 04/07/2012 4:36:22 PM PDT by jimfree (In Nov 2012 my 11 y/o granddaughter will have more relevant executive experience than Barack Obama)
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To: InHisService
Many companies go to Facebook and other social media to look up applicants. It sucks but don't put all your activities in if you don't want to share with the whole world.

It also works both ways, I found out my prospective manager contributed to stopping the repeal of gay marriage in California.

4 posted on 04/07/2012 4:49:14 PM PDT by AU72
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To: jimfree

I just can’t stand the interview process. I would just love to respond this way, but of course, never would. After three months I finally got a job, and a pretty good one.


5 posted on 04/07/2012 4:49:49 PM PDT by InHisService (Jesus is coming back. Are you ready?)
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To: AU72

Yes that’s true, I have read prospective employers look people up via internet searches and FB. It’s so easy to find info about people nowadays!


6 posted on 04/07/2012 4:53:31 PM PDT by InHisService (Jesus is coming back. Are you ready?)
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To: InHisService

One of the better jobs I’ve had started with an interview with a younger HR type and the owner.

HR; “What do you see as your role in this company ?”

Me; “To be paid well to do what that man asks me to do.”

Owner; “lets go back to my office and start talking about what I need. When can you start ?”


7 posted on 04/07/2012 4:53:53 PM PDT by maine yankee (I got my Governor at 'Marden's')
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To: InHisService

“Try telling employers what you’re really thinking!”

I’ll go one better. My interviewer asked a question which was neither right nor wrong and after giving the answer he said that was not what he was thinking.

“If you were a tree, what kind would you be?”
“An Oak”
“No, I was thinking pine.”
“WTF?!?!!”

Agency:

“How did the interview go?”
“If I have to go through this one more time, I am coming to your home and eating your kids.”
“That bad, eh?”


8 posted on 04/07/2012 4:54:31 PM PDT by EQAndyBuzz (Solyent Pink is Sheeple!!!!)
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To: maine yankee

You nailed it! That’s exactly what you answer. And you add in, “I will exceed your expectations.”


9 posted on 04/07/2012 4:56:52 PM PDT by EQAndyBuzz (Solyent Pink is Sheeple!!!!)
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To: EQAndyBuzz

LOL! Job interviewing is the worst. The other thing is job applications, I have an article about that too. One job wanted to know what I’ve been doing since High School - I graduated 30 years ago!!


10 posted on 04/07/2012 5:05:32 PM PDT by InHisService (Jesus is coming back. Are you ready?)
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To: maine yankee

That’s awesome, good answer!


11 posted on 04/07/2012 5:07:35 PM PDT by InHisService (Jesus is coming back. Are you ready?)
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To: maine yankee

>>Me; “To be paid well to do what that man asks me to do.”<<

You don’t get hired by me. If I wanted a lackey, I would have asked for a lackey. The absolute last thing in the world I want from anyone at the management or above level is to require me (as “the man”) to be responsible for managing your activities.

The proper answer is: “To use my skills and background to deliver value — in concrete and measurable ways. By doing this I will do my part in helping the enterprise to move forward. In essence: to be the best (rolename) in the company and improve from there.”


12 posted on 04/07/2012 5:16:11 PM PDT by freedumb2003 ('RETRO' Abortions = performed on 84th trimester individuals who think killing babies is a "right.")
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To: freedumb2003
>>Me; “To be paid well to do what that man asks me to do.”<<

You don’t get hired by me. If I wanted a lackey, I would have asked for a lackey. The absolute last thing in the world I want from anyone at the management or above level is to require me (as “the man”) to be responsible for managing your activities.

The proper answer is: “To use my skills and background to deliver value — in concrete and measurable ways. By doing this I will do my part in helping the enterprise to move forward. In essence: to be the best (rolename) in the company and improve from there.”

LOL - yeah, you don't want a lackey - you want a Politically Correct lackey, who correctly recites PC phrases that boil down to doing what you want people to do - which starts with speaking in such a way as to cover your ass, so that you don't have to be responsible for being the one that told them what to do - so that you can take credit for successes, and blame them for failures.

In other words, you're one of those "make your own job" crypto-micro-management hypocrites.

13 posted on 04/07/2012 5:29:18 PM PDT by Talisker (He who commands, must obey.)
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To: Talisker
I'm a temp, currently working in the Recruiting Department of a large corporation.

I am continually shocked and amazed that applicants don't tell us to go to hell. I occasionally do get the :::nervous laugh::: "I hope this isn't any indication of how the business works!". It is. Run.

We've got one very high up individual who will request phone interviews and blow them off on a regular basis. On Monday, I will be rescheduling one applicant for the third time. The first time, she just forgot to call. The second time, she decided after it was scheduled that she wanted that day off and didn't feel like talking to anyone.

14 posted on 04/07/2012 5:43:13 PM PDT by Dianna
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To: Dianna

99% of what passes for “business” is people figuring out ways to get paid for not being responsible for anything.

1% is the work that actually goes into making and selling something.

And those percentages are wildly optimistic, but hey, it’s Easter weekend.


15 posted on 04/07/2012 5:46:37 PM PDT by Talisker (He who commands, must obey.)
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To: All

what do you guys do if they ask what you GPA was?
I always tell them my GPA. Then say; “I graduated college when a “C” was a “C”.” Today it seems like everybody is an honor student.


16 posted on 04/07/2012 5:48:00 PM PDT by Kid Shelleen (Beat your plowshares into swords. Let the weak say I am strong)
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To: Kid Shelleen
what do you guys do if they ask what you GPA was? I always tell them my GPA. Then say; “I graduated college when a “C” was a “C”.” Today it seems like everybody is an honor student.

Yes but the way grades are justified today is by claiming that the "old" way of grading was unfair.

So who are you to argue with political correctness?

Therefore you must adjust your "C" to fit the new paradigm, and give yourself an "A" average.

After all, isn't it true that you tried as hard as you could, given your socioeconomic status, the color of your skin, the race of your ancestors, exposure to secondhand smoke, an in reference to certain advanced intrpretations of the scale of functional autism?

Well then.

A.

17 posted on 04/07/2012 5:53:46 PM PDT by Talisker (He who commands, must obey.)
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To: Talisker

LOL

Ouch, that’s gonna leave a mark!


18 posted on 04/07/2012 5:59:32 PM PDT by Future Snake Eater (If we had a President, he'd look like Newt.)
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To: InHisService

I love interviews. You get to meet new people, most of them smart, and have rollicking conversations!


19 posted on 04/07/2012 6:09:29 PM PDT by andyk (Go Juan Pablo!)
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To: Talisker

>>In other words, you’re one of those “make your own job” crypto-micro-management hypocrites.<<

No, I hire people.

You are wrong and my task here is to tell FReepers not to listen to your inane and incorrect advice.

And your attitude in this rant pretty much tells intelligent people what they need to know.

If you don’t believe in the company you work for and don;t understand how what you do contributes to its success then you are a drone.

And it wouldn’t surprise me that you are unemployed — and I reiterate: NO ONE should accept your childish (and useless) advice.


20 posted on 04/07/2012 6:11:38 PM PDT by freedumb2003 ('RETRO' Abortions = performed on 84th trimester individuals who think killing babies is a "right.")
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To: Dianna
We've got one very high up individual who will request phone interviews and blow them off on a regular basis. On Monday, I will be rescheduling one applicant for the third time. The first time, she just forgot to call. The second time, she decided after it was scheduled that she wanted that day off and didn't feel like talking to anyone.

The interview process is revealing not so much in what is said, but what is not said.

21 posted on 04/07/2012 6:11:45 PM PDT by 6SJ7 (Meh.)
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To: Dianna

>>. On Monday, I will be rescheduling one applicant for the third time<<

Excuse me? If anyone short of a physics engineer with a direct application to the new 1 billion dollar project being started, no one in their right mind would even SCHEDULE a “3rd interview.”

Yeah, stuff happens and you might have to reschedule the 1st one to the 2nd. Absent a death in the family, there is nothing that should cause a 3rd.

But I see why we are starting to follow Greece and Italy in our work ethic.


22 posted on 04/07/2012 6:16:52 PM PDT by freedumb2003 ('RETRO' Abortions = performed on 84th trimester individuals who think killing babies is a "right.")
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To: Future Snake Eater

>>Ouch, that’s gonna leave a mark!<<

Yep — get advice from an idiot or from someone who actually interviews and employs people.

Tell me you know my company and want to use your abilities to push us to success. Or just be a wimpy “my job is to do what he tells me to do” and never get employed.

Your choice.


23 posted on 04/07/2012 6:20:01 PM PDT by freedumb2003 ('RETRO' Abortions = performed on 84th trimester individuals who think killing babies is a "right.")
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To: Talisker

>>Therefore you must adjust your “C” to fit the new paradigm, and give yourself an “A” average.<<

You misuse the word “paradigm” that badly and have the audacity to attempt to lecture me?

What, are you 22 years old or something? That is the only explanation of your combination of zero RL experience and misuse/abuse of buzzwords.

Managing children in the workplace are always my penance...


24 posted on 04/07/2012 6:23:24 PM PDT by freedumb2003 ('RETRO' Abortions = performed on 84th trimester individuals who think killing babies is a "right.")
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To: Kid Shelleen
what do you guys do if they ask what you GPA was?

Employers want to know how you will exchange the values of two variables without using a temporary variable. They want to know if you can explain big O notation of different sorting algorithms. They want to know if you've ever heard of design patterns. They're not so much interested in GPAs. </bias>
25 posted on 04/07/2012 6:25:56 PM PDT by andyk (Go Juan Pablo!)
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To: freedumb2003
Excuse me? If anyone short of a physics engineer with a direct application to the new 1 billion dollar project being started, no one in their right mind would even SCHEDULE a “3rd interview.”

I think you misunderstood. The person blowing off the interview is NOT the candidate, but the interviewer.

That is why I don't understand why the candidates continue to bother with us. Almost all of them currently have jobs.

26 posted on 04/07/2012 6:48:28 PM PDT by Dianna
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To: Dianna

>>I think you misunderstood. The person blowing off the interview is NOT the candidate, but the interviewer.<<

I completely misunderstood. Thanks for the clarification

>>That is why I don’t understand why the candidates continue to bother with us. Almost all of them currently have jobs.<<

FWIIW (and I know on the Internet no one knows you are a dog), I am very much in demand for my 35+ years experience in managing the implementation of large systems — Financials and HR/Payroll — in pretty large ($1+ Bln) companies.

Recruiting good talent is more difficult than being on the receiving end.

Blowing off new talent is as bad as new kids blowing off interviews.


27 posted on 04/07/2012 6:58:49 PM PDT by freedumb2003 ('RETRO' Abortions = performed on 84th trimester individuals who think killing babies is a "right.")
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To: freedumb2003

Look, he told the truth. You want people to recite a prepared speech. In the end, you want someone who will do what they’re told to do, do it well, and move on to the next mission. Just because the words “create value” aren’t in there doesn’t mean anything. It just means he boiled down what the employer wants to its essence.


28 posted on 04/08/2012 4:33:01 AM PDT by Future Snake Eater (If we had a President, he'd look like Newt.)
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To: andyk

LOL!


29 posted on 04/08/2012 11:40:33 AM PDT by InHisService (Jesus is coming back. Are you ready?)
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To: freedumb2003
FWIIW (and I know on the Internet no one knows you are a dog), I am very much in demand for my 35+ years experience in managing the implementation of large systems — Financials and HR/Payroll — in pretty large ($1+ Bln) companies.,

And now we know what *you* are... ;-)

See last Sunday's Dilbert strip for details.

Cheers!

30 posted on 04/08/2012 7:55:14 PM PDT by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: freedumb2003
FWIIW (and I know on the Internet no one knows you are a dog), I am very much in demand for my 35+ years experience in managing the implementation of large systems — Financials and HR/Payroll — in pretty large ($1+ Bln) companies.,

And now we know what *you* are... ;-)

See last Sunday's Dilbert strip for details.

Cheers!

31 posted on 04/08/2012 7:58:43 PM PDT by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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