Posted on 06/11/2016 7:25:13 PM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet
I’ve recently had occasion to think about dating and its attendant rituals for a piece in this magazine, and so my eye was caught, the other week, by an article in the New York Post that suggested that one of the institution’s foremost traditions might be undergoing some change. “Cheap Bros Have Found a New Way to Get Out of Paying for Dates,” the headline read. In the fashion of a modern-day fable, the piece quotes three young women who had gone out with three young men. Each guy paid for his date’s dinner or drinks, as guys who go out with women are generally expected to do. Each then used Venmo, the peer-to-peer payment app, to request that his date reimburse her share after the fact. The women were outraged and contemptuous. “I do not have time for scrubs,” one said, speaking for all. They had expected to be treated, not treated as debtors.
I know, I know: a trend piece does not a trend make. The quirks of a few often get mistaken for the habits of many. Recall one of the genre’s preëminent cautionary tales, the 2014 Times piece that announced the return of the monocleas a men’s fashion item but failed to find more than one dude who would actually cop to wearing one, which is still one more monocle-wearing dude than I’ve ever seen. So the Post’s Venmo exposé may be just another report about a thing that isn’t a thing. But should it be one?
I confess that my sympathies are split here. On the one hand, voluntarily paying for your date’s three-dollar drink, as one of the men in question did, only to demand reimbursement the next day is an act of pure pettiness. The Post fails to mention which emojis were used to call in that particular debt, but let’s assume we’re looking at the tequila-sunrise glass paired with the smiley face with a dollar bill for eyes and tongue, the better to add insult to injury.
On the other hand, requesting repayment through Venmo underscores the absurdity of the consensus that, when it comes to the transaction known as the heterosexual date, men must bear the full financial burden, and thus wield full purchasing power. You might argue that, because women tend to spend more on personal preparation, it’s only fair that men should bear the cost of the event itself. Really, though, that’s looking at things through the wrong end of the telescope. If it’s taken for granted that the costs of the date are to be assumed by only one person, that person may feel himself entitled to whatever he considers to be a good return on his investment. A guy who seeks recourse through Venmo the morning after is a guy who doesn’t think he got his money’s worth the night before.
Fair enough, and a good argument for having the dude pay the bill... and tip!
Got it.
So you expect to be paid for your time.
Got it.
A young couple (unmarried but have a baby) frequents the restaurant I work at and they always split the tab. He never buys a meal for the mother of his child. Awhile ago they came in to celebrate their engagement, I thought this time he would pay. Nope, once again split the tab.
Tacky, in my opinion.
In all the years I had been dating not once did a woman ask me over for a home cooked meal. Not once.
I cooked plenty of dinners for dates who were astounded I could cook. Many very proudly told me they could not cook a damned thing.
Have had plenty of occasions to meet women who were happy to have me take them out to dinner, theater etc. etc. with no real interest in a relationship. Not once did they offer to pay for a thing. They will take advantage if allowed.
- and as for $3.00 drinks this guy mentions - where the hell are drinks $3.00 any more?
Past tense.
No longer date at all.
Way back in the Cretaceous Period, when I was an Airman First Class, I was about two months into dating my now-wife of 34 years. Anyway, I had just got back on base from an Alert, was exhausted and broke from paying my car payment and insurance. My wife(Girlfriend) told me she was hungry and wanted pizza. I told her I really didn't have the cash and she said she was taking me out. Up to that time I never let a girl pay for anything but I let her take me out that day. I realized then she was probably a "keeper."
Yes, I always pray for dates. If I didn't I'd never get one.
Answer: Should Men Always Pay for Dates?
Why?: Because the first time she paid for the date, she bought an apple and that was very costly.
But he sneaked up on me. After two years of friendship and a "was that a date?" night out he formally asked me out.
If you ever decide to date again, date a girl you would want for a friend even if she didn't make your heart skip a beat.
I once dated a young man who had to go on an interview in a suit. He did not own one, so I bought him a suit.
Should Men Always Pay for Dates?
Y.E.S.
If he is commonly referred to as JOHN..............yes, he should pay, usually beforehand.
Loved your story. Thanks for sharing.
Actually, I think it cost a lot of money to go to Westworld, Romanworld too, back in the day
Real men, yes.
My wife was not close to her biological father. He didn’t want to pay child support. Fast forward after we had been married 24 years and he starts coming around and trying to be a father like he never was. I was gone and my wife was outside working in the yard. He (father in law) comes to our house and tells my wife after watching her work for a while and says “wish I could find me a woman who works like you” and she says “why don’t you try by buying dinner when you have a woman” to which he asks “you mean you never bought dinner when you two dated” she replied I have never one single time ever bought dinner or anything else for hat matter.
We started dating when I was 15 we married when I was 19 and I’m 44 now.
If any of our three sons had a girl buy them dinner I would publicly humiliate them.
Women should be adored and cared for. Easiest way to show that is sacrifice and utmost respect.
Despicable creatures really, I kind of wished - later, of course, that I had feigned being pick-pocketed and not having any cash and leaving her with the check...
Only happened to me once - of course, in the USA.
Hell no.
They wanted the 19th amendment and Title IX.
Man the F÷×”k up....
Although I prefer to be the hunter...
Women are put into an awkward position by the implication that they have to “put out” in exchange for the food. At least paying something towards the bill helps keep that off the table.
I never expected anything in return for a date, and I never wanted someone to feel that I was expecting something. I was fine with sharing the bill.
We have a truly mixed up culture with signals and such all confused.
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