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President Nominates Senator Kerry for Secretary of State Job
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Dec 2012 | John Semmens

Posted on 12/21/2012 8:03:47 PM PST by John Semmens

President Barack Obama tabbed Senator John Kerry (D-Mass) as the person he wants to succeed the ailing Hillary Clinton as the nation's Secretary of State. While the move was not unexpected, the President said “it is imperative that the transition be accelerated before Secretary Clinton's memory loss becomes too severe and the encroaching dementia of an elderly woman erases or muddles vital knowledge that needs to be passed on.”

The President also cited the recently released report critical of massive dereliction of duty by key State Department personnel in the September terrorist attack on the Benghazi Consulate as a spur to action. “The forced resignations of Eric Boswell, the assistant secretary of state for diplomatic security, and Charlene Lamb, the deputy assistant secretary responsible for embassy security demonstrate a failure of leadership in this important function of government,” he said. “I cannot stand down from my responsibility to restore Americans' faith in the ability of their government to perform at the highest possible level of competency.”

As for Clinton's replacement, Obama observed that “Senator Kerry isn't just a fresh face. He brings foreign policy experience to the job. This experience began in his youth where after bravely enduring the grievous wounds that earned him three Purple Hearts during his service in the Vietnam War he immediately embarked upon efforts to end that conflict. That these efforts were successful is a testament to his vision and ability.”

Kerry announced that the President has agreed that the top priority in his new position will be to achieve a treaty combating global warming, which he says represents the greatest existential threat to the planet. “The dangers posed by hostile nations and terrorist attacks are puny compared to the damage that will be done by global warming,” Kerry contended. “The people killed by bullets and the buildings blown up by bombs can all be replaced. But once the climate is irreversibly changed there will be no recourse.”

“In fact, inasmuch as a 'smaller human footprint' would be a positive step toward averting or ameliorating global climate change, the activities of so-called oppressive governments and terrorist organizations that occasion a reduction in the size of this footprint can be said to have a 'silver lining,'” Kerry argued.

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/124971-2012-12-21-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-december-23-2012.htm


TOPICS: Government; History; Military/Veterans; Politics
KEYWORDS: clinton; kerry; obama; satire

1 posted on 12/21/2012 8:03:57 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 12/21/2012 8:06:05 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


3 posted on 12/21/2012 8:07:12 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Didn’t he serve in VN?

Christmas and New Years calibrations should bring back some memories of his time there, not to mention his many, many Purple Hearts for bravery.


4 posted on 12/21/2012 8:12:30 PM PST by doc1019
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To: doc1019

Didn’t he serve in VN?

Christmas and New Years calibrations should bring back some memories of his time there, not to mention his many, many Purple Hearts for bravery.

served in the mess hall


5 posted on 12/21/2012 8:18:51 PM PST by 1st Division guy
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To: John Semmens

The first thing OBummer should do is send John (IWIVN) Kerry to Laos.


6 posted on 12/21/2012 8:20:06 PM PST by Rembrandt (Part of the 51% who pay Federal taxes)
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To: doc1019

Did I say “calibrations” ... oops. Celebrations would fit better, my bad.


7 posted on 12/21/2012 8:24:55 PM PST by doc1019
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To: John Semmens

Good one again John. Thanks for the ping.


8 posted on 12/21/2012 8:31:06 PM PST by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, call 'em what you will, they ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: John Semmens

I hope the Senate Confirmation grinds Kerry to a pulp. I am waiting the true story of his Purple Heart. Did he or did he not get a legitimate injury? Or, was it all concocted on a yeoman’s typewriter?

Also, what is Kerry’s connection to the Tides Foundation?


9 posted on 12/21/2012 8:32:30 PM PST by jonrick46 (The opium of Communists: other people's money.)
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To: John Semmens

10 posted on 12/21/2012 8:54:21 PM PST by smoothsailing
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To: John Semmens

“I hope the Senate Confirmation grinds Kerry to a pulp.”

The non-loyal non-opposition in the Senate will all shout “Yea!” in lockstep approval for this fine fellow Marxist member of the globalist elite. It’s a done deal, as is everything else in “our” government.


11 posted on 12/21/2012 9:06:48 PM PST by dagogo redux (A whiff of primitive spirits in the air, harbingers of an impending descent into the feral.)
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To: John Semmens

It’s amazing that this guy has a job doing anything more complicated than cleaning toilets, let alone being Secretary of State.


12 posted on 12/21/2012 9:21:21 PM PST by smokingfrog ( sleep with one eye open (<o> ---)
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To: John Semmens

But wasn’t he ALWAYS going to nominate Kerry? Everything else was just a divrsion.


13 posted on 12/21/2012 9:29:26 PM PST by smalltownslick
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To: John Semmens

Your satirical stab at the future is on target — Hillary will leave citing stress and never testify on her people she allowed to be murdered and her cover for the Won.


14 posted on 12/21/2012 9:29:57 PM PST by KC Burke (Plain Conservative opinions and common sense correction for thirteen years. RSC)
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To: John Semmens
They just continue to write themselves.

Weird times man...weird times.
15 posted on 12/22/2012 12:38:38 AM PST by Tainan (Cogito, ergo conservatus sum -- "The Taliban is inside the building")
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To: John Semmens
A “real hero”, having used only two bandaids to treat the wounds that earned three purple hearts! This sorry sack of excrement is nothing more than an opportunistic male whore divorcing an ill woman with only a couple of millon to marry one that inheirted millions from a conservative
16 posted on 12/22/2012 4:33:06 AM PST by BTCM (Death and destruction is the only treaty Muslims comprehend.)
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To: BTCM

Now that you beat around the bush, tell us how you really feel.. :)


17 posted on 12/22/2012 4:44:05 AM PST by Russ (Repeal the 17th amendment)
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To: John Semmens

Amhadinejad/Putin/Lil’ Kim: ‘Hey American dogs, you ready to do like we tell you?’

Lurch the Ketchup Prince: ‘You rannnnggggg...?’


18 posted on 12/22/2012 4:51:46 AM PST by Reaganite Republican
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To: Rembrandt

Secretly. By next week.


19 posted on 12/22/2012 10:46:54 AM PST by Erasmus (Zwischen des Teufels und des tiefen, blauen Meers)
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To: John Semmens

Thanks again for the ping. There is an abundance of fodder for your satire with this administration.


20 posted on 12/22/2012 5:43:47 PM PST by fatnotlazy
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