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NYC Mayor Bans Food Donations to Homeless
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Nov 2012 | John Semmens

Posted on 11/10/2012 11:57:38 AM PST by John Semmens

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has issued a directive blocking persons from donating food to the homeless in his city.

“It's not that we question the generous intent of these donations,” Bloomberg reassured. “It's just that we have no way of guaranteeing the quality of the donated food. The risk is that donor ignorance could result in excessive amounts of salt and fat in the diets of these unfortunates.”

If those operating homeless shelters or the homeless themselves do not turn away food donations, NYC police are authorized to seize food items before they can be consumed. While there is, as yet, no explicit penalty associated with the new policy, organizations operating homeless shelters are warned that “failure to comply could spark a more thorough evaluation of their authority to continue to operate.”

Bloomberg haughtily dismissed suggestions that salty or fatty food might be preferable to no food from the point of view of a person living on the street. “We can't let short-sighted hunger pangs deter us from our goal of raising the standards for all food consumed in the City,” Bloomberg insisted. “The consumption of excess salt and fat in a person's diet has serious health consequences that we must prevent.”

Luckily, other City regulations will continue to ensure that the more adventurous and enterprising members of the homeless population can feed from dumpsters that are well-stocked with semi-comestible discards from restaurants and grocery stores.

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news posts you can find them at...

http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/122316-2012-11-09-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-november-11-2012.htm


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: bloomberg; homeless; nannyism; satire
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To: John Semmens

Please drop me from pings. I read your site anyway.


41 posted on 11/10/2012 4:27:27 PM PST by TribalPrincess2U (0bama's agenda¬óDivide and conquer. FREEDOM OR FREE STUFF- YOU GET ONE CHOICE, CHOOSE WISELY)
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To: John Semmens

That food may not be halal, either :)


42 posted on 11/10/2012 4:35:47 PM PST by ViLaLuz (2 Chronicles 7:14)
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To: John Semmens

While I know that this is satire I can’t help but to see the truth of this. Bloomburg would rather homeless people starve than receive food from the generous.


43 posted on 11/10/2012 5:28:49 PM PST by Sunshine Sister
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To: John Semmens

You, sir, continue to meet my high standards of satire excellence. Bravo!


44 posted on 11/10/2012 7:07:29 PM PST by Alex Murphy ("If you are not firm in faith, you will not be firm at all" - Isaiah 7:9)
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To: John Semmens
NYC Mayor Bans Food Donations to Homeless...no surprise here - our doctor reports that Medicare forbids him waiving payment of co-pays from his patients, no matter how poor they may be; they claim this would be a way for him to "induce" patients to return to him for additional treatment - government hates private charity - recipients don't need big fancy government programs as much when private citizens get involved, and those donating tend to feel better about themselves when giving, and a happy citizen is a citizen who is less likely to be looking to government for salvation - all pretty sick.....
45 posted on 11/10/2012 9:38:31 PM PST by Intolerant in NJ
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To: jonrick46

Bloomberg’s working with the UN on this one, me think, and would not surprise me. No sarc tag, probably, probable. Then what if your post gets the blame? Adding sarc.


46 posted on 11/11/2012 12:36:24 AM PST by no-to-illegals (Please God, Protect and Bless Our Men and Women in Uniform with Victory. Amen.)
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To: John Semmens

I know I said I wouldn’t be a pest, but there you are making trouble both ways:

If it’s true, as some freepers are saying, and someone thinks it’s satire, they could be arrested for giving food to the homeless.

If it’s satire, as other freepers are saying, it keeps food from going to hungry people.

Haven’t you caused enough trouble in one lifetime?

Is it true or false?


47 posted on 11/11/2012 12:46:01 AM PST by firebrand
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To: firebrand

INSERT: . . . and someone thinks it’s true . . .


48 posted on 11/11/2012 12:49:03 AM PST by firebrand
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To: firebrand

Bloomberg banning food donations is true.

The explanation for his action is the satire.

I have been writing these semi-satires since 2005. The events depicted have always been essentially true. The quotes in which the leftist loons justify their actions are where I take creative license—going beyond what they may have said in order to expose what they really may be thinking.

The vast majority of my readers have grasped and enjoy my methods. I am sorry it is difficult for you. It would probably be best for you if you skipped my posts.


49 posted on 11/11/2012 11:33:36 AM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens
Good job again, John. Thanks for the ping.
50 posted on 11/11/2012 1:21:00 PM PST by fatnotlazy
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To: John Semmens

Good job!
Again it is hard to tell truth from satire - don’t give Bloomberg any ideas!


51 posted on 11/11/2012 1:25:29 PM PST by Little Ray (I have VOTED AGAINST Obama in the General.)
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To: John Semmens

Maybe you could do the satire (lefty comments) in a different color.

But your explanation is not true. On the “lost military ballots” thread, you state many “facts” that were not true. There were no lefty comments—just one true fact and many untrue facts all mixed together unintelligibly.

I don’t know what this says about the people who “grasp” your posts.


52 posted on 11/11/2012 8:35:54 PM PST by firebrand
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To: firebrand
I don’t know what this says about the people who “grasp” your posts.

It means we all get it and think it's funny/appropirate/ironic. You seem to be the only one that doesn't get it and doesn't appreciate the satire.

Instead of griping about something you don't understand each time a satirical thread is posted, just bypass the thread. I know, it's a novel concept but try it, you'll be happier...

53 posted on 11/12/2012 6:20:20 AM PST by CAluvdubya (ABO)
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To: CAluvdubya

I love good satire, especially when presented as satire so you know you’re not reading a news story. But yes, I will bypass the threads and stick to those in my low IQ range.


54 posted on 11/12/2012 10:02:12 AM PST by firebrand
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To: firebrand
I love good satire, especially when presented as satire so you know you’re not reading a news story.

This might help. It's right under the title and in red:

NYC Mayor Bans Food Donations to Homeless
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Nov 2012 | John Semmens

55 posted on 11/12/2012 10:15:17 AM PST by CAluvdubya (We're doomed....)
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