Posted on 11/10/2012 11:57:38 AM PST by John Semmens
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has issued a directive blocking persons from donating food to the homeless in his city.
“It's not that we question the generous intent of these donations,” Bloomberg reassured. “It's just that we have no way of guaranteeing the quality of the donated food. The risk is that donor ignorance could result in excessive amounts of salt and fat in the diets of these unfortunates.”
If those operating homeless shelters or the homeless themselves do not turn away food donations, NYC police are authorized to seize food items before they can be consumed. While there is, as yet, no explicit penalty associated with the new policy, organizations operating homeless shelters are warned that “failure to comply could spark a more thorough evaluation of their authority to continue to operate.”
Bloomberg haughtily dismissed suggestions that salty or fatty food might be preferable to no food from the point of view of a person living on the street. “We can't let short-sighted hunger pangs deter us from our goal of raising the standards for all food consumed in the City,” Bloomberg insisted. “The consumption of excess salt and fat in a person's diet has serious health consequences that we must prevent.”
Luckily, other City regulations will continue to ensure that the more adventurous and enterprising members of the homeless population can feed from dumpsters that are well-stocked with semi-comestible discards from restaurants and grocery stores.
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news posts you can find them at...
http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/122316-2012-11-09-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-november-11-2012.htm
Please drop me from pings. I read your site anyway.
That food may not be halal, either :)
While I know that this is satire I can’t help but to see the truth of this. Bloomburg would rather homeless people starve than receive food from the generous.
You, sir, continue to meet my high standards of satire excellence. Bravo!
Bloomberg’s working with the UN on this one, me think, and would not surprise me. No sarc tag, probably, probable. Then what if your post gets the blame? Adding sarc.
I know I said I wouldn’t be a pest, but there you are making trouble both ways:
If it’s true, as some freepers are saying, and someone thinks it’s satire, they could be arrested for giving food to the homeless.
If it’s satire, as other freepers are saying, it keeps food from going to hungry people.
Haven’t you caused enough trouble in one lifetime?
Is it true or false?
INSERT: . . . and someone thinks it’s true . . .
Bloomberg banning food donations is true.
The explanation for his action is the satire.
I have been writing these semi-satires since 2005. The events depicted have always been essentially true. The quotes in which the leftist loons justify their actions are where I take creative license—going beyond what they may have said in order to expose what they really may be thinking.
The vast majority of my readers have grasped and enjoy my methods. I am sorry it is difficult for you. It would probably be best for you if you skipped my posts.
Good job!
Again it is hard to tell truth from satire - don’t give Bloomberg any ideas!
Maybe you could do the satire (lefty comments) in a different color.
But your explanation is not true. On the “lost military ballots” thread, you state many “facts” that were not true. There were no lefty comments—just one true fact and many untrue facts all mixed together unintelligibly.
I don’t know what this says about the people who “grasp” your posts.
It means we all get it and think it's funny/appropirate/ironic. You seem to be the only one that doesn't get it and doesn't appreciate the satire.
Instead of griping about something you don't understand each time a satirical thread is posted, just bypass the thread. I know, it's a novel concept but try it, you'll be happier...
I love good satire, especially when presented as satire so you know you’re not reading a news story. But yes, I will bypass the threads and stick to those in my low IQ range.
This might help. It's right under the title and in red:
NYC Mayor Bans Food Donations to Homeless
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Nov 2012 | John Semmens
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