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Asking for advice about depression after losing my job

Posted on 11/02/2012 11:44:36 PM PDT by proud American in Canada

Hi all,

I hesitated for a long time to post this--particularly because our keyboard is so sticky it is difficult to write and post. I was just hoping for some advice. If I posted in the wrong place, I hope the mods will move it.


TOPICS: Health/Medicine
KEYWORDS: aging; depression; jobloss; sexlife
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To: proud American in Canada

I have been off and on anti depression meds for years...take your pills and if they aren’t helping, talk with your doctor about changing medications...50 isn’t old, my 50 and 60’s were good, been a widow for 20 years, look for a job out of your field of expertiste for the present. Full time at a grocery store of something like Wal Mart will bring you in more money that your getting now and when things pick up, your other job may be open for more money...My son was out of work for 2 years, with doing some independcontractor work...his wife has kept her job a Meijers for over 10 years. They lost their home and have 2 teens. Keep your chin up, force yourself to go for a walk, Can you collect unemployment? check it out. If your having problems with sleep, it just may be that the medication needs to be changed...sometimes our bodies change as we age and a medication that use to work, may no long be of help....Don’t feel sorry for yourself, millions of americans share your perdictiment..Sometimes smile even if you don’t feel like it.....don’t know if this will help, but it may get you thinking in a different direction...good luck....

21 posted on 11/03/2012 12:17:04 AM PDT by goat granny (.)
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To: Casie

1-exercise stay active, become more active
2-plan, prepare, execute
each day have a plan. Over plan use each minute.
3- work on your marriage, fight the pain, be super good to your husband- he needs you now too.
4- Cut expanses.

22 posted on 11/03/2012 12:18:11 AM PDT by genghis
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To: proud American in Canada
You are a writer, WRITE!

Now I know that seems to be a 'duh!", but you are now in a position to chronicle the hardships many are going through, to find and write about solutions to problems, DIY projects, scrounging materials, getting by with less, and may well make more in the process. Even the trials of hunting for 'lesser work' to add to the income, and there are a few. Expect setbacks, but results, up or down, are meat for a column.

There is a sympathetic audience out there, people who are in the same boat, and also looking for solutions and a sympathetic ear.

This could grow into a column in print or a blog on the web, and cutting in with any part time work you do elsewhere, the adjustments, the trials, tribulations, and triumphs of 'getting by' are the sort of reading that many will flock to, especially if there is positive advice for others in the same boat. From recipies to fix-its, to dealing with working a different and more menial job, the things you can do to bring in a little more money become fodder for your keyboard.

I have been there.

Worked the same place for 16 years, bringing in an average of a quarter million per year (huge in the market and local economy at the time) for a small company over that time and selling work for other employees as well.

One slowdown in the market, and I was out the door because I was at the top of the pay scale. Thanks, bye, no gold watch, no severance pay.

Within a year, I was back in the saddle, with my own company.

You can do this, and that seemingly insurmountable peak is conquered one step at a time--and not without setbacks. If you're freelance, you can sell your material to anyone willing to listen, you just have to write it.

Start now, today, where you are, because your reaction to the transition from a full-time gig is entirely normal. It's a bummer.

But don't stop there, grab those bootstraps, drag yourself to the keyboard, and write about it. You can edit it later. Keep a journal.

Let their loss be your gain.

You have prevailed before (you transferred/went back to school), you can do it again, and there are a lot of people out there who could use a tip or two, or just the knowledge they are not alone.

Just send me a copy (autographed, of course!) when the book comes out.

Now, if you are so inclined, ask God for strength and guidance, (I'll ask Him for you), and get cracking!

23 posted on 11/03/2012 12:19:41 AM PDT by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing)
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To: proud American in Canada
Two points:

It is quite rare that we are intimate nowadays.

"Quite rare" is alot. Look forward to it.

I fell asleep on the couch, sitting up, ...

This is a good thing, not a bad thing. As long as you can be roused without too much ado. Anyway, just trying to cheer you up. We all carry on.

24 posted on 11/03/2012 12:21:55 AM PDT by dr_lew
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To: goron; All

“Vote Republican on Tuesday, and you should feel fantastic”

lol! I already did, in CO. :)

“Write your own paper and get followers so you can fire your boss”

Now there’s a thought.. :)

You all are amazing. Thank you :)

25 posted on 11/03/2012 12:25:13 AM PDT by proud American in Canada
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To: proud American in Canada
Where you live it is important to get at least half an hour of sunlight daily. At your latitude seasonal affective disorder is more common. It is caused by lack of sunlight. You can take brisk walks, jog or hike and get exercise and sun together.

Starting the day and ending the day in prayer, preferably on my knees, is essential. When I pray I simply praise God. I don't have to ask for anything or explain anything because he already knows everything. But I will pray for you.

Write a book. It doesn't have to be lengthy. Hemingway used to write 120 words a day but he would go back and rewrite the 120 words at least twice until they were near perfect. This can be a memoir or a novel or any other form.

As far as medication goes it can improve things, it can worsen things, and sometimes we develop a tolerance that renders it ineffective. This is something the doctor needs to monitor regularly.

26 posted on 11/03/2012 12:26:45 AM PDT by Brad from Tennessee (A politician can't give you anything he hasn't first stolen from you.)
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To: proud American in Canada
It's natural to be depressed in certain situation. But that doesn't mean things will always be that way. Go see your doctor. You say you're on medication but sometimes medications stop doing what they're suppose to do and a change is needed. Have some blood work done, it could be a thyroid or other physical problem that's very controllable. And I don't mean to say this to offend you— I'm in my early 40’s and a woman— could you be dealing with menopause on top of everything else?

The job market is tough out there so don't let losing your job make you feel you've done something wrong— many good people have lost jobs in this economy that they were very good at, my sister after 26 years. Get your resume together and think about what other skills you have — cast a wide net, you may be surprised. If you love writing, continue of course but if another job pops up take it until a writing gig presents itself. you can do it. As for sleeping a lot, it is a sign of depression so like I said I'd see your doctor. Meanwhile, try to keep to a sleep schedule and even if you need some extra sleep here and there, set aside time for applying for jobs, time to meet with friends and relax, and try to explain to the husband how things have made you feel.

27 posted on 11/03/2012 12:27:37 AM PDT by MacMattico
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To: proud American in Canada
I only advise I can give you is that many of us are in the same boat as you are so you are not alone.
You did the right thing to shape... but a word to the wise ? do not air out all your dirty laundry, only to those whom you trust.
In my family our father left us when we were young and had many hardships, pain, and many time with no money to pay the bills.. we had our gas & electric turned off many times.
When I look back in all the sad and difficult times I saw that some how we always made it through.
You said you have a year of law school at Northwestern, law school that I finished at UC Boulder ?
Is there anywhere you could help people write up wills, or in some way with legal issues part time ?
How about paralegal part time ?
Yes, getting old can be depressing, no way around getting old.
Many time when people get depressed and look at their situation they feel that there is no way out... a dead end.. they feel trapped.
Can some of the repairs for your home be done DIY ? do it yourself repairs ?
Do you have any other family members who have home repair skills ?
Maybe ?
This is just a idea... instead of waiting for a news paper or media outlet open up a job for you... created your own conservative News Paper or your own Media.
You do have your own computer, editing software ?
Be creative.... that's one way to keep your mind off of the bad things.... I know, I been there.
The more I think about how bad things are ? the more I get depressed.
But guess what ?
GOD WILLING and hopefully ? next when when we hear the words " PRESIDENT ELECT ROMNEY " many of us will feel a heavy weight lifted off of our shoulders.
I know many have felt this way since Obama was elected.
Please ? keep your mind and spirit busy... think of ways you can be creative.
I have become creative in ways to buy food cheaper by going to stores that are less costly.
Get a book or a online course and learn how to fix basic things on a car.... you can make money by fixing people's cars.
Have you and your husband asked your son to help by getting a part time job ? maybe he can go mow lawns to make money or clean people's yards.
My advise to you about your husband ? I know it's difficult, but, please don't take his complaining personally... it's a way humans let of stream.
You and your husband are in this for better or for worse.
You got to get in there and say to yourself " WE GOT TO MAKE THIS WORK WITH GOD's HELP "

Remember ? your not in this alone... we are all in this together.. in the same boat... some are bailing out the water faster than others... lol.
28 posted on 11/03/2012 12:28:00 AM PDT by American Constitutionalist
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To: F15Eagle

“read the Psalms and the Gospels. Watch Christian TV. Stay in prayer. Yeah, it’s quite a change from what we were all used to. Help others in need; be a blessing to a stranger at random times. Share the Gospel.”


God Bless you—I read the Bible as a teenager. You are absolutely right. :)

29 posted on 11/03/2012 12:28:23 AM PDT by proud American in Canada
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To: proud American in Canada

Ok, I will be 63 in a few days, and I have been an engineer for about 28 years, but I lost my job back in May and no one was hiring, especially someone at my age that had a relatively good salary history. I had thought that I might not find a job again until after the election or longer. What I did was create a good resume which was accurate, but written to make myself sound as good as I knew how. Then I went to, registered, and uploaded my resume. Then I searched daily, in case something came open that I liked. It took several months, but I finally got a call from a company that liked my resume. I interviewed with them and they hired me. That was 4 weeks ago and the job pays same as the last one I had. My word of advice is to treat this like a vacation and relax a bit. Every day go search to see if any new jobs have posted for your expertise and your area. You will be surprised how many jobs you see every day on that site. I have had a least 5 companies contact me after I took that job. They all saw my resume on and it matched what they needed. Never ever give up. Just refuse to fail, but enjoy life along the way. Oh and this is the second time I have found a job through Monster. The first time was about 12 years ago. Just cheer up and go do it!

30 posted on 11/03/2012 12:30:39 AM PDT by lwoodham (I am Andrew Breitbart. Don't doubt me on this.)
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To: F15Eagle
" Shop the dollar menu at the burger places "

Mcdonalds have a $ 1 menu.... Double Cheese Burger.

In these difficult times,, the DOLLAR store has some great deals.
Cut the cable or Direct TV and use HULU or Netflix for movies.

31 posted on 11/03/2012 12:31:58 AM PDT by American Constitutionalist
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To: proud American in Canada
OK - it may not be that you can find or even afford a gym or the like. Do yourself a big favor - take a one hour walk every day - up it to 2 hours later if you can. It will help you clear your mind a bit, and improve your overall health quite a bit. It'll make you sleep better, and give you time to think about where you can find work. You may even meet someone that can help you with that.

Get 'dolled' up a bit every day - don't go overboard, just improve something a bit every week. Your self-esteem will grow, and improve your situation more than you might think - might even improve your employment chances. God bless you... let us know how you're doing in a couple of weeks.

32 posted on 11/03/2012 12:31:59 AM PDT by Ron C.
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To: proud American in Canada
Another thing our family did this passed year was get rid of all the clutter and junk in the house.
A clean house is good for mental health for all humans.
More clutter ? more confusion... more depressing.
If you can ? try to sell items or things that you don't need anymore... one man's junk is another man's treasure.

33 posted on 11/03/2012 12:34:30 AM PDT by American Constitutionalist
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To: Brad from Tennessee

“here you live it is important to get at least half an hour of sunlight daily. At your latitude seasonal affective disorder is more common”


I believe that—it’s dark when we wake and take the dog out and dark around 5:30. I’ve even commented about this to other people. It’s even worse when we visit my MIL in northern Gaspe—the sun goes down at 3:30! We saw the Northern Lights! (beautiful, of course).

That is good advice—they actually sell sunshine machines at the local drugstore to help with this.

34 posted on 11/03/2012 12:35:37 AM PDT by proud American in Canada
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To: proud American in Canada
Hi julie, The first thing isn't that you shouldn't take what is going on now as anything personal. I work with a lot of people who own or run businesses. Things are tough for so many people right now.

I have helped more than a couple of friends through some really tough times. First thing I would recommend is finding peace. For me that is through prayer and knowing what is going on here is not what we are really working for. God is merciful even when we think things aren't that great. See the goodness around you.

Also, if you dwell on the negative you will most likely still end up with the negative. God has blessed us with so much.

Based on all that you have said, you must have some pretty decent skills. Maybe look at this as the door opening to something you always want to do. Is there something you have always wanted to do? Maybe now is the time.

For the short term, keep what you have going, at least it is something. See about picking up some other freelance stuff, trying to equalize what you had before. Two other small freelancing gigs would seem like it would make up the difference.

Do you and your husband still have common goals, a common purpose? Does he feel like you support him? Are you interested and take the time to hear him? Right now bridging the gap in your relationship can maybe start easier with you than him. Listening is an amazing gift you can give someone.

Right now I am seeing a lot of friends reaching the same age as you. What you are talking about in the relationship isn't uncommon. It seems that so many friends got married without a real common purpose uniting the marriage. They had expectations of what they thought the other would be and that their purpose or dream of what a marriage should be was their spouses'. Since there wasn't a common purpose, as they have grown older, each of them has become more of who they really are, creating a huge gap in the relationship. For a believer, God's love is the for unification.

Would your husband be open to counseling? A good, neutral third party can sometime do wonders for opening up communication. Go in with an open heart and mention that to him. If you tell him you would like to make him happier, more complete, maybe he will go in with an open heart as well.

Will pray for nephew. Know that your nephew is in His tender hands with a loving purpose greater than what we can understand. God has given you the gift of your nephew.

35 posted on 11/03/2012 12:38:15 AM PDT by jwsea55
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To: All

Thank you all for your replies; I can’t really keep up, and now I have to log off. I have to get to bed. I will finish reading everyone’s posts tomorrow, and I am so grateful for the time you took to respond. :)


36 posted on 11/03/2012 12:38:33 AM PDT by proud American in Canada
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To: proud American in Canada

One: you DO have a job. It’s called “Looking for a Job”. You need to be up, and looking 5-6 days a week, from 8:30AM until 5PM. Online, in-person, whatever. Consider your job hunt a job, and you’ll be surprised at how things start to feel.

It’s not easy, and it’s not fun, but keeping busy working, tracking, and responding to any and all leads, and the all-important follow-up, will ALSO do wonders for your depression. . . .

I speak from experience here. . .

37 posted on 11/03/2012 12:44:49 AM PDT by Salgak (Acme Lasers presents: The Energizer Border. I **DARE** you to cross it. . . .)
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To: proud American in Canada

First, do get your meds checked with your doctor to make sure there is nothing going on there, or your physical health.

Then look at priorities of the things you can control - You’ve got two teenagers that need their mom has got to be up there, I’d imagine.

Honestly, the rest of the “stuff” you listed is simply life as anyone will experience. Good things happen, bad things happen. People live and die, jobs come and go.

You react to the stuff you cannot control as best as you can, with as much good cheer as you can muster, and a sense of humor if that is at all possible, and since you are in Quebec, you have to figure out how to do all this in French.

It’s OK to get depressed. It’s not OK to allow yourself to stay that way, if only for the sake of the people important to you. How you react to the setbacks and bad news that life inevitably brings you in varying doses is everything.

If you write, you could start a blog about something that interests you, and then pimp it here on FR. If nothing else, that will help your husband seem less critical by comparison.

Above all, good luck. It really is up to you.

38 posted on 11/03/2012 12:46:05 AM PDT by RFEngineer
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To: jessduntno

Keep fighting to survive and in 4 Days you can watch when Obama is Fired from His Job.....

then the economy will respond to real Hope and Change. and
remember a “rising tide lifts all boats”...including yours.

God Bless.

P.S. these are not just words...I am going through similar
tough times....

39 posted on 11/03/2012 12:54:04 AM PDT by LtKerst
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To: proud American in Canada
My first thought was, 'Be glad you aren't living alone and in this bind'. Your husband is working so I think you think your situation is worse than it really is. Some people lose their jobs while living alone; Now THAT is depression!

Secondly, you might have a health problem causing you to doze off all the time, not just attributable to depression. What meds are you on and for how long? SOME ANTI-DEPRESSANTS CAN MAKE THINGS WORSE! If you smoke, cut back..? Do you take vitamins on a daily basis?

I know this sound like an 'easy fix' suggestion but start having faith in God and feel blessed for what you DO have.. Blessed for family, house, etc.. You are blessed no matter how tough things get. We're praying for you.

40 posted on 11/03/2012 12:55:44 AM PDT by Obama_Is_Sabotaging_America
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